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AIBU?

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Original poster

Emailing and children

388 replies

scatterbee · 18/03/2011 08:48

Again after advice for my partner.

He is the NRP. He wants to set up an email address for his DC (5 & 7) so that they can email each other. He wants this private from his ex if possible. Also wants them to be able to instant message each other / web cam / skype if him and the DC are on at the same time.

She thinks hes unreasonable. That expecting them to email is daft. And that she has no objection to trying to webcam but it needs to be a set time, and its likely to be a brief moment before they race off, and she is not willing to have a webcam left on so he can see what they are playing / generally doing as thats an invasion of her house.

So Is he unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
scatterbee · 19/03/2011 22:43

Its back in court in June

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 19/03/2011 22:45

Settle this scatterbee, and please don't avoid the question. Did you leave your DD to live with your DP?

Original poster
scatterbee · 19/03/2011 22:48

Yes i left my DD behind in her home with a father who loved her to move in with my DP. I made that decision because she had a fab relationship with her dad (still does) and i geniunely believe she was better there. Originally i had substantial contact with her. It dwindeled off as ex started other stuff. It got so she wouldnt come. We were looking at a guardian. Ex is now being co-operative and i am trying to rebuild something with her. She usually is happyish to see me, but will not come with me. Apparently she isworried shewontgo home. Ihave seen her at exMILs

OP posts:
itisnotgoingwelltoday · 19/03/2011 22:48

I don't understand Scatterbee, if the house comes with your job, how could you have left your ex to live with DP?

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/03/2011 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
scatterbee · 19/03/2011 22:49

and go to her ballet, am meeting ExP places. I understand in her head I left her, and i need to prove myself. I will do this

OP posts:
itisnotgoingwelltoday · 19/03/2011 22:50

I am a single parent.

I moved out of the family home.

No way on God's earth would I have left my children behind.

I don't understand how you could do that.

And again, if the house comes with your job, how could you have left?

Original poster
scatterbee · 19/03/2011 22:50

The house we have moved to is a house that comes with my job. The house we were orignally in was one DP rented for us.

OP posts:
SugarPasteFrog · 19/03/2011 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Portofino · 19/03/2011 22:51

Sorry but I am Shock at all this! All these poor children abandoned by selfish bastards. Op, please get a fucking grip!

itisnotgoingwelltoday · 19/03/2011 22:51

Scatterbee - you are wasting your life on this man.

But more importantly you are screwing up your relationship with the person who should be the most important in the world to you.

Those poor kids. All of them.

TheSecondComing · 19/03/2011 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SugarPasteFrog · 19/03/2011 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
scatterbee · 19/03/2011 22:52

It was not an easy decision to leave her. Why am i more judged than a man that leaves his wife and kids? Ex worked from home. Had always collected her from school, stayed home with her when she was sick. I worked in animal care and was doing crazy shifts, early mornings, late nights, weekends etc. House was my ExPs fathers, so i didnt think he would leave. I couldnt stay.

OP posts:
itisnotgoingwelltoday · 19/03/2011 22:53

Honestly Scatterbee - put this man out of your house, let him hang by his own thread.

Put your daughter first, and when you and she are back on track, then take a look at whether you need a relationship with this man.

TidyDancer · 19/03/2011 22:54

What do you mean 'in her head'? You did leave her! You chose a waster of a man over her and you wonder why she's not thrilled to go out with the two of you!

This thread is so frustrating. You just don't realise how awful you're coming off, do you?

Your poor DD, I feel so sorry for her.

itisnotgoingwelltoday · 19/03/2011 22:55

Scatterbee - you didn't need to leave your daughter behind though.

My XH works from home. I do crazy hours. I still brought my kids with me. We share care - it's about 70/30, it's not easy but to walk out and leave them and for a man who has sold you the oldest line in the book.

Sad
SugarPasteFrog · 19/03/2011 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/03/2011 22:56

Scatterbee... I don't know that you're being judged more harshly than a man would be but it's a fact that it's far more unusual for a woman to leave her children than for a man too. The Courts give pretty much all the rights to a mother as it's assumed that she is the primary caregiver. With that comes some judgement if a mother voluntarily decides to leave her child(ren).

kentgirl73 · 19/03/2011 22:56

And did you not have a relationship with your dd - how selfish you put a man first - over your dd, no wonder she doesn't want to see you - you had a chikd, she grew in you, you gave birth to her and nutured her, then you left her!!! However you say it just doesn't sit right! Now you seem more concerned that your dp has no relationship with his children, and you want more dc, god pity them kids! Do you pay maintenance for your dd?

itisnotgoingwelltoday · 19/03/2011 22:57

Well, my XH works from home/for himself.

The house was a family owned property so no way was I staying and he would never leave.

I left, but I took the kids with me.

We share care, he'd like 50/50 but at the minute I have approx 70%

How different is that to the OP?

Original poster
scatterbee · 19/03/2011 22:58

I am sorry that came accross as self-pitying and i didnt mean it to. Maybe i do deserve to be judged. Maybe i should just walk away from the guy i screwed my life up to be with! But then what am i left with ..nothing!

OP posts:
YesPleaseDrChristian · 19/03/2011 22:58

scatter if you have a house which comes with your job, clearly you are not homeless, so can you not have shared residency of your DD with your ex?

TidyDancer · 19/03/2011 22:58

You still have a daughter....

itisnotgoingwelltoday · 19/03/2011 22:59

No - what you'd be left with is the chance to rebuild the relationship with your daughter.

If you stay with this man, in 10 years you'll wonder why she wants nothing to do with you.

And you know what they say - the man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy.

(I know you're not married but the point stands)