to find my MIL's and others' hatred of irrational private education unfathomable?

[jillyherbert]

I have an otherwise reasonable and supportive MIL. However, when it comes to the subject of private education she is unable to have a reasonable discussion about it. When talking about our (as yet unconfirmed) plans to go private with our twin DSs phrases such as:
"Over my dead body"
"You'll ruin them"
"I won't have my grandsons turned into sneering toffs"
"I won't speak to you if you do this"
seem to be par for the course.

Where does this vitriolic bias come from? Neither I nor DH were privately educated, but most of the state schools within a large radius are shockingly bad (I teach at one, and have taught at two others so have enough knowledge to make a balanced decision.)

The same prejudice against private education is rife in my profession too. I once mentioned to a colleague that I was considering going private and the fuss this caused (and is still causing) almost lost me a friend or two.

I'm not here to discuss the merits of one system or the other, just why the debate seems to be framed by an irrational hatred of private education.

My parents were very anti-private education. In fact they were very much against any sort of selective schooling as well.

My dad begrudgingly agreed to come with me to look around private schools for DS as I valued his opinion on which school looked best as Dad has worked in education all his life.

He was so impressed with the atmosphere & the facilities that he offered to contribute towards fees if need be. Agree that it's not your PILs business unless you are inviting them to comment or contribute in any way.

OP, The last sentence says it. It's irrational. Make your own decision based on your own experience.
And f*ck the inlaws.

I agree private education is irrational.

"I am in favour of a grammar system myself, but it would certainly be more palatable if children that did not gain a grammar place were given an excellent education too, albeit one with a technical, artisanal, vocational, musical, etc emphasis instead" - This is exactly what I think.

Why are the schools in your area shockingly bad.

Surely if you teach at one then you are part of the problem. A school is only bricks and mortar.

It's the staff and students who make it what it is.

I was privately educated (in the Catholic faith). Not because it was any better but because that was and is our faith.

The schools in my area are generally pretty poor. It is down I think to the county being quite large but fairly rural, the council being a collective of incompetents and 'slightly crap' being an acceptable standard.

Having seen the alternative abroad, I am confidant that if more parents sent their well motivated, eager to learn children into state schools that the whole system would benefit.

I would gladly see all faith and grammer schools closed. I believe that schooling should be entirely secular. Grammer schools are divisive and I believe create a sort of semi-private layer in the system. The entry causes huge amounts of stress for all concerned and they effectively reject potential students who had the misfortune to be ill or to be late developers.

That is my idle day dream.

Maybe she thinks your kids are bright. I thought everyone knew that private school was only for dim kids

I feel like that about grammar schools - I see the logic of beign selective (and went to one myself) but actually, it creates a false distribution of ability and the comps then have, on average, a less able student population and naturally become less focussed on how to accommodate those pupils. In areas where there are no selective schools this is much much less of an issue and nobody gets in a tizz about it.

We dont have grammars in our area but talking with friends in grammar school areas I see now the hysteria it seems to create with children being tutored from an early age to pass a test.

Florence - here is a , now go stuff yourself!

If I could afford private schooling then I would send both my children.

I think your MIL is going way over the top.

It is socially devisive and therefore I'm not keen. However I accept that most parents pay for private education because they want their children to have access to the best possible education they can afford. It is natural to want the best for your children and I don't think you can sneer at people for going private for those reasons.

Florence machine: 'I thought everyone knew that private school was only for dim kids'

What a stupid, ill informed and deliberately nasty comment. I'm glad I don't know you in rl.

I didn't think Florence was being serious

Well, with so many 'private school bashing myths' around, I wouldn't be surprised if he/she actually meant it!

Whether she was or not, she was being deliberately nasty imo.

I was being a little controversial, but from my experience, if one's children were bright, and you were confident of it, you wouldn't need to send your children to private school.

The statistics show that state educated pupils, once they get to university, do better there than privately educated pupils.

over my dead body are any of my children going to private school (dh was privately educated and disagrees but i will win the argument ). We could afford private, but it aint going to happen. I dont even mind admitting that i have a chip on my shoulder.

This world is full of far too many inequalities and i am not going to effectively condone the situation by sending my children to private school.

Florence - look, you have earned another

Thanks Oli, I could have that with my cup of tea.

A lot of people, myself included, have an ethical objection to private education.

Fair enough about your ethical objection but perhaps you need to define 'bright' ?

Florence it's your kind of stupidity I will ensure my ds avoids by going private.

I agree Florence. Private education is of course amazing, the graduates are more confident, articulate etc etc. Is it fair? No. All children deserve an equal chance to succeed. Being able to 'buy' into a good future is one of the aspects of this society that i really cant stand.

Your mother in law sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder.

But as others have said, people get angry about private education because they think it is socially devisive and unfair.

Do you know what? This is so not worth
arguing/debating about.