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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want a 'title'

437 replies

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 14/03/2011 12:51

I'm married but hate it on forms or anything really (especially professionally) where I have to state a title. I don't like the way I'm judged and perceived when I say Mrs (misogynistic industry and I'm quite young) but I'm not a Miss and again feel judged and decide upon when I put Ms.

Does anyone else get like this? Why can't the title field be optional?

Sorry this isn't a more interesting thread than the title suggests - I ought to be contemplating a damehood really!

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 14/03/2011 12:53

I've always used Ms. I'm married but didn't change my name.

reinitindear · 14/03/2011 12:56

I know what you mean if you are a man there is only one option.

Prunnhilda · 14/03/2011 12:57

I'm Ms, and also married.
I'd generally prefer no title as well, but I go with it since it seems fairly universal in the Western world (unlike name-changing on marriage - didn't do that).
TBH I've thought of myself as Ms since I was 12 and first learned about women but not men being categorised as married or marriageable. I didn't know it was an old-fashioned way of looking down on a divorcée until I read it here. Bollocks to that.

sue52 · 14/03/2011 12:58

I've been a Ms and have kept my surname for 30 years of marriage. What title would you prefer?

Ephiny · 14/03/2011 13:00

I'd be happy with no title as well, but use Ms if I have to specify one as it seems the most neutral option.

Original poster
GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 14/03/2011 13:01

I don't know really, I think like reinitindeear's piint, if you're a man, there is one title (bar qualifications etc in which case gender doesn't come into it generally). I did change my name on marriage.

I suppose it's just that if there was just one option, like men have, then there would be no room for judgement IYSWIM

OP posts:
poopnscoop · 14/03/2011 13:01

I am a Mrs and have no problem with it as a title. Doesn't matter a jot to me.

Ephiny · 14/03/2011 13:01

I know what you mean though, women seem to be judged whatever title they choose (including Ms which some people make all kinds of odd assumptions about), whereas for men it's just a title, no value judgements attached!

ZZZenAgain · 14/03/2011 13:02

I think we could do without it as well

Prunnhilda · 14/03/2011 13:02

Sometimes I vary it - if there's a drop-down menu I choose Rev or Prof or Col Grin Nobody cares, I suppose.

bumpybecky · 14/03/2011 13:02

have you considered lying?

Admiral GirlWithTheMouseyHair has a certain ring about it Wink

Original poster
GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 14/03/2011 13:03

Myabe I'm being paranoid about it but in my industry I feel like it's quite a big statement to make which isn't under question in any way if you're male. And I'm sure this isn't just about my industry or any industry for that matter.

I just wish you were allowed to leave it blank

OP posts:
Original poster
GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 14/03/2011 13:04

I am LOVING Admiral!

And obviously if I was to get an honour I would take GREAT delight in poncing about with Dame before my name....in fact sod the name altogether by that point

OP posts:
gallifrey · 14/03/2011 13:04

I love being a Mrs!!

gallifrey · 14/03/2011 13:07

My maiden name was something quite awkward and I was fed up with having to spell it out to every single person, that then still got it wrong anyway!
I now have a very easy surname that I never have to spell.
I love being married and love being a Mrs, especially now I have children.
I hated having a different surname to my daughter (we got married when she was 3)

BuzzLiteBeer · 14/03/2011 13:08

I think you need to grow up a bit and stop thinking its that important. Use Ms. Nobody cares.

Original poster
GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 14/03/2011 13:11

I loved being a Mrs when we first marrried as well and generally in personal life don't mind it, but especially since becoming a mother have found I'm judged in particular ways and in professional life I am definately, not looked down upon, but I think patronised for being a Mrs. In fact I'm often referred to as Miss anyway (which is ridiculous). It's as though by getting married and having children I can't have as much drive as anyone else in my profession, yet if I were a man it wouldn't even come into question.

Obviously I love my husband and I did choose to take his name (which is not what I'm really debating) but I would like a sense of my own identity, not have it attached to whether I'm single, married or divorced. I just don't understand why it's important.

OP posts:
Prunnhilda · 14/03/2011 13:11

I have to say that, personal principles aside, if I were called "Prunnhilda Cockstroker" or similar, I would have jumped at the chance to change upon marriage.

AKMD · 14/03/2011 13:12

My first Biscuit

Is this really an issue? It is the accepted norm in our society that everyone has a title of one sort or another. If you don't like Mrs or Miss, use Ms. There, done.

Original poster
GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 14/03/2011 13:12

wow, alright buzzlitebeer

some people do care, some people do judge, no it's not the biggest deal at all but it's Monday lunchtime, DS is napping and I'm musing...

OP posts:
curlymama · 14/03/2011 13:12

I love being a Mrs too, and I like that my name signifies my marital status.

There will never be a way of doing it that pleases everyone unfortunately, because as has already been said, people that use the neutral Ms still feel judged on it.

BuzzLiteBeer · 14/03/2011 13:13

You don't like being identifed by your title. Handily enough, there is a title for those people, its Ms. Problem solved. After that point, no-one cares about what you are called, I can't imagine why you think it would be a topic of interest to anyone else.

Original poster
GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 14/03/2011 13:16

oh how i love mumsnet sometimes.... Hmm

OP posts:
MardyBra · 14/03/2011 13:17

I can see it's a bit annoying. I don't mind being a Mrs and have also used Ms in the past.

What I REALLY don't like is being called a girl. Can I suggest a name change to "WomanWithTheMouseyHair"?

I don't know why people are getting all arsey and biscuity though. OK it's not the most important issue ever, but not every issue debated on MN is crucial.

Prunnhilda · 14/03/2011 13:18

Yes heaven forfend that people would start threads on subjects that others aren't interested in Grin