to not want a 'title'

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

I'm married but hate it on forms or anything really (especially professionally) where I have to state a title. I don't like the way I'm judged and perceived when I say Mrs (misogynistic industry and I'm quite young) but I'm not a Miss and again feel judged and decide upon when I put Ms.

Does anyone else get like this? Why can't the title field be optional?

Sorry this isn't a more interesting thread than the title suggests - I ought to be contemplating a damehood really!

"As for being though a left-wing militant feminist - I don't actually have a problem with that "

The point is it isn't an issue whatsoever where you politics lie or what marital status you have, but women CAN be judged on this in a way men can't

My understanding is that in Sweden in the 60s all titles for men and women were abolished - not a bad idea IMHO...

Ooh I am quite happily stroppy about this one, I deliberately use Ms as have always been irritated by the unfairness of the forced Mrs / Miss choice. I actually do have a gender-neutral academic title which I could use if I wanted to but a) it seems a bit pretentious to use it all the time in everyday life and b) I quite like to use each little opportunity I have to implicitly make the point. (But then I would be quite proud to be judged to be a lefty militant feminist ).

This point may have been made already but Quakers don't use titles for anyone, on egalitarian principle; not sure what they do on electronic forms, though.

I use Dr only when I'm asked 'is that Miss or Mrs', because I hate it.

Last time it happened, and I said 'it's Dr', the woman said 'you want me to put Dr?' and I said, well that's what it is! And she got really narky.

Ms should be mandatory!

Oh I quite agree, GirlWithTheMouseyHair. It was just used as a way to put Ms-users down and I wanted to say - I can think of worse opinions to have about someone!

Whenever I get asked 'Is that Mrs' I am so thrown - my brain is thinking 'Why do you CARE?' - I end up saying "Er, whatever..." like some dimwitted human being impostor.

I am also an academic Dr but mostly choose to use Ms outside work. The more women use it, the less it can be considered some freakish niche practice and the closer it gets to 'Mr'.

I'm not that keen on using 'Dr' as I feel my academic qualifications are no more relevant to my electricity supplier than my marital status is. Like Joan, I only ever use it when I'm asked 'Miss or Mrs?'.

I use Mrs. Perfectly happy with it.

To me Miss makes me thing of young girls/women or old unmarried ladies, although technically many of those used to use Mrs anyway.

I hate Ms. Just the sound of it, the way it is pronounced. Just sounds somehow wrong to my ears. Don't know why.

I am referred to by my title all day long, so I am very used to hearing it and it doesn't boter me one jot.

viola that's very true that maybe the more women use it and the less it becomes imperative to state your marital status then hopefully the bad connotations will go away.

I'll do Ms from now on until it becomes optional

didn't finisih.....because actually like systemsaddict maybe I ought to be proud to be a leftie feminist and not worry what judgements others are making. In my experience it's not as bad as the judgements I'm put under by declaring myself to be a wife and mother

I can honestly say that I have never been judged, or felt to be judge, because of the title I chose to use or becaus of my marital status.

Unlike ViolaTricolor, I always use my 'Dr' title, exactly because it seems to matter. If people ring me up and ask for 'Mr PolitixDad', and I say. 'He's not here', they always ask 'Is that Mrs. PolitixDad' and when I say: 'No, I am Dr. PolitixMum', they buzz off. Dr. Me gets taken much more seriously than Ms or Miss Me, or Mrs PolitixDad.

In the academic contexts where I work I only once had my full name and title properly spelt and written on my door - and that was when a Prof did it because the porters hadn't got round to it. My drawers are full of letters saying: 'Welcome to x university, Ms. Politixmum' even when I needed a PhD to get the job. Whereas Mr. PolitixDad IS a Mr, yet is always being addressed as 'Dr' or 'Prof'.

BuzzLiteBeer I think these symbolic struggles do matter. I will never be a Mrs., now that I am Dr., and that makes me feel quite proud, so I sympathise with OP for feeling ambivalent about having to choose between Ms., Miss and Mrs instead of just assuming a simple grown-up title that demonstrates she is an adult citizen.

My neighbour was being polite to some wretched, invasive conservatory salesman, and when she answered "Ms" for his form, he declared, "Oh, you're one of THOSE, are you."

Neither of us have any idea what THOSE are. But Ms clearly annoys all the right people.

Can't say I'm bothered by such trivia.

that was for thisisanicecage

'clearly annoys all the right people' - you hit the nail on the head

I agree with the OP:I would much prefer that we didn't need to use any title.

Unlike Gallifrey, I like the fact that I have an unusual name that I have to spell all the time. It might be a bit at times - but at least people remember you (at the very least, as the person with the silly surname) - and I did learn to spell very young .

I don't understadn TillyP saying "at her age" using Ms would be silly. I have used Ms (if forced to use a title at all) since I went to Uni. I am now 49. When or, or more importantly, why would it be inappropriate for me to continue to do so?

Re not using a title at all, reminds me of when, shortly after graduating (slim, attractive, if I say so myself ), a male colleague (a real medallion man) had an arument with me about the fact that I didn't want to put a title onto my business cards. His complaint was that, my (shortened) first name, combined with my Germanic surname could mean that people would assume that I was a male. Our boss told him "As you tend to hand out business cards, if they haven't worked out what sex she is, they've got bigger problems"

As it was, working in the (at the time) male dominated Chemical industry (I worked for ICI) I quite liked the ambiguity of letters/telexes/faxes (it was before the days of email ) where the recipients would assume a German male and then got me on the phone

Also, what is the big deal if someone gets your gender wrong in their head? At worst they do a double take and say 'oh I thought you were a man' but life does go on

Indeed: serve them right for making assumptions!

Politix, dh and I got our PhDs at the same time - when we got married later, I immediately started being addressed as Mrs, whereas he stayed as Dr... I use Dr as I like the neutrality of it, tbh.

Although I don't volunteer a title, just use it if requested.

I was filling in a form for online shopping yesterda and have to say they annoy me anyway but I did think - who cares - when it came to the title - the less info I have to fill in the better in my opinion. Mental note to use Admiral in future!!

Tilly P How old are you? Why do you think Ms sounds silly at your age?

I think Ms suits me and has always seemed 'right' even from a very young age. It always seemed ridiculous that Mr gave away info regarding marital status but Miss and Mrs do. It just seemed so outdated to me even at a very young age.

I've taken up declaring myself "Comrade Slug"