to not want a 'title'

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

I'm married but hate it on forms or anything really (especially professionally) where I have to state a title. I don't like the way I'm judged and perceived when I say Mrs (misogynistic industry and I'm quite young) but I'm not a Miss and again feel judged and decide upon when I put Ms.

Does anyone else get like this? Why can't the title field be optional?

Sorry this isn't a more interesting thread than the title suggests - I ought to be contemplating a damehood really!

Ms here too, but I agree that it is a bit loaded in a way that Mr isn't. I just don't like the fact that is is simple and straightforward for men, but I get called "MrsTimeGoes, oh, er, no it's Mzzzz TimeGoes isn't it", I would quite happily dispense with titles altogether, so YANBU.

Someone very senior at work made comment to me recently in relation to the title "Ms."

It took the form of "it's mainly people who are looking for a 'bit' that use it, so people will assume that of you".

I have been called "open faced" (whats that?)

"Flamboyant" (only in public)

"eclectic" ( I thought it was ELECTRIC at first)

And "a deep one" (six feet deep one day.)

People make more assumptions about you if you use Ms than either Miss or Mrs.
Miss or Mrs only tells people whether you are married or not, Ms tells them that you are not happy with either other title for some reason and from that people assume you are a left wing militant feminist!!

I personally use Mrs and my husband's surname because at my age Miss or Ms look silly (and I like being a Mrs). One's maiden name is usually your father's name so you are still choosing between two male relative's names and I for one would rather have my husband's (and kid's) name than my father's.

You are right, in an ideal world there would be no titles at all except earned ones like Dr, Prof, Admiral etc. Why does society need to label people on the grounds of gender? Stop filling in the title box on forms/mailings etc, and see what happens?

I always thought Ms. was used in The Colbys and Dynasty - I didn't realise normal people used it in real life.

I am a Mrs. I really liked it when I became a Mrs, and now I'm not so bovered. You can call me Al.

Like gallifrey I don't mind being Mrs something people can spell instead Miss something everyone got wrong. Especially as one of the ways of getting it wrong is to change the initial letter - You get such a look when you tell people your probably in a completely different draw in the filing system, (Yes I am that old )

However, I HATE being addressed as Mrs "DH's first name then our surname. That makes me feel a totally non person.

My DC's get to choose the versions of their names they like to be called. DD2 is very fussy that you spell her preferred short form her way and I respect her choice, even though I naturally spell it differently. At 44 years of age I want the same

"One's maiden name is usually your father's name so you are still choosing between two male relative's names and I for one would rather have my husband's (and kid's) name than my father's."

TillyP

Why is it that men automatically own their surnames, yet you do not own yours?

Your statement is actually wrong.

You'd be choosing between your husband's father's name vs. your own father's name - in which case, do you not feel a closer connection to your own father than your father-in-law?

In other words, why is it that growing up your husband's surname becomes "his" (although it's his father's surname) yet yours does not become "yours" (just as it was given to you as your father's surname).

It is sly statements re: ownership of this sort that really get my feminist hackles up.

I am not at all bothered about everybody knowing I'm a Mrs! Actually quite proud that the world knows I've found someone to put up with me

the trouble is electronic forms where you're not allowed to proceed until you unequivocally label yourself. DO Not go forth women of the nation until you have stated your liberalism or marital status

words fail me.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair, I get around that by refusing to fill that part in. Plan B is to choose Other if it's available. Plan C is choose Mr.

I've also chosen Dr, when an admin lady at the council refused to let me choose Mr.

frgr! Yesss! I always think that when I see that argument and I'm so happy to see that someone else feels the same. If a man's name is his own, so is a woman's! :)

My surname is actually the name I have and have always had - regardless of the historical quirk that means it is the same as my father's. That historical quirk is none of my business and I don't consider it to mean that the surname I've always had is less 'mine'.
The fact I don't really want to carry on this arbitrary quirk isn't that outlandish, nor is it some compromise between two evils.

I have a bee in my bonnet about titles. When booking air tickets on certain airlines there's options for being a rabbi, a princess, a duchess, a doctor, etc etc.

I choose a different one each time (although I have't been a rabbi yet)

frgr, I agree. I always feel that argument suggests that a girl is only temporarily given her father's name until she finds someone suitable whose name she can then take. Makes pre-maried life all seem rather trainsient and unimportant, really.

As I said on that other thread, I make assumptions about women who insist on being Mrs in a professional context. And they make assumptions about me

YANBU OP, I'd happily see titles done away with unless they actually matter (by which I mean military or academic ones).

Prunehilda - what ??

As for being though a left-wing militant feminist - I don't actually have a problem with that I suppose militant is a put-down and I'm not about to take up arms or anything, but otherwise...think away!

What?

"a girl is only temporarily given her father's name until she finds someone suitable whose name she can then take"

indeed. just like boys went from "master ---> Mr" upon age, yet women changed from "Miss > Mrs" only by attaching herself to a man. gawd!

Agree with frgr and Prunnhilda - no one ever says a man's surname is just his father's name, not his own. I really do not get that argument, someone always makes it when the subject of women's name changes comes up, but it just seems like a complete failure of logic to me. No problem with anyone changing their name if they want to, but that is a very odd way of justifying it.

I do get that some people don't actually feel close to their family of origin for whatever reason and may be glad to relinquish a name that connects them with that family - but surely this isn't the case just for women?

If you feel belittled by someone asking you if you are married, you've got way bigger problems than your title.

You do not need to advertise your marital status thats what Ms is for. You're making up problems where there are none.

There are plenty of real issues about women in the workplace, discrimination and inequality. This is not one of them.

and if men gat agitated not knowing what on earth to do when faced with a women who hasn't announced whether she is married or not, let them. What a ridiculous problem they face.

Jenai - This very rarely happens any more but in my work I have called to speak to someone's PA and been answered by "Mrs....". I must add that I've only come across this recently when calling UK government offices so I imagine they are all staffed by old fuddy duddies.