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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want a 'title'

437 replies

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 14/03/2011 12:51

I'm married but hate it on forms or anything really (especially professionally) where I have to state a title. I don't like the way I'm judged and perceived when I say Mrs (misogynistic industry and I'm quite young) but I'm not a Miss and again feel judged and decide upon when I put Ms.

Does anyone else get like this? Why can't the title field be optional?

Sorry this isn't a more interesting thread than the title suggests - I ought to be contemplating a damehood really!

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 14/03/2011 15:24

Sorry I meant DOESN'T give away info.

eaglewings · 14/03/2011 15:26

I have a gender neutral title from my work. I do get slightly annoyed when people assume I'm a man as I had to work twice as hard to get where I did due to being female

Sorry - my issues look big in this topic Grin

valiumredhead · 14/03/2011 15:34

I know a man who changed his name to his partner's even though they aren't married - they did it for a laugh as he is a sahmd and they thought they'd be 'different' - where's rolly eyes smiley when you need it? Wink Also a couple who when they had their first baby chose a new surname randomly and changed it by deed poll.

prettybird · 14/03/2011 15:39

I know of a couple (both doctors, so titles are not should not be an issue) who have both kept their names - but have given their kids a third different name.

smokingnuns · 14/03/2011 15:39

Dr it is then - glad that's sorted. Then if I treat my ds in the hospital people will be confused that their father brought him in. Would I get done if I'm not actually a Dr (not saying either way mind!)

What about the 'marital status' questions on forms - like, wt?? Angry. What's that got to do with anything? (Ok cheery Buzz, I get it). Before anybody jumps on my back, I didn't like those q's, or Mrs, when I was married. (When my GP called out Mrs MarriedName in the surgery I looked round, thought my MIL had snuck in)

As for those who want to announce to the world that someone has chosen to 'put up with them' - well, lucky old you to be in the loved club - shame on those of us who aren't eh

Bambinocino · 14/03/2011 15:42

I have always used Ms and feel quite strongly about it - registered my DD as Ms at the GP when 1 week old. Grin

I have kept my maiden name but DCs have DH's. It drives me nuts when people eg at nursery/ potential schools assume I am Mrs (DD's surname). Even though I always sign my name as Ms Bambino.

I've also been confused in the past when people seem to have assumed I'm divorced because I use Ms. I've always thought of Ms as just a neutral title like Mr.

smokingnuns · 14/03/2011 15:45

How will the mormons keep track of all these names? Will we get into heaven?

Prunnhilda · 14/03/2011 15:49

At ds's school they are really good at NOT assuming. Everything gets sent to "Parent/Guardian of XX".

smokingnuns · 14/03/2011 15:49

Or OW wifey (keep up), self-appointed mother to my children, who used her married name, same as dc's, to get info about them from their school.

hitting a lot of nerves here

prettybird · 14/03/2011 15:53

It is interesting how ds (10) accepts that I have a different name to dh and him.

When I get cold sales calls that ask "Is that Mrs 's wife" Wink - which leaves them Confused

.... before then biting their heads off because we are on the TPS and shouldn't be called Angry (they always ring when I don't have time to engage with them, find out who it is who is calling and then tell them that I will be reporting them to the TPS)

bemybebe · 14/03/2011 16:00

Gosh, if it is so important, get a PhD and call yourself a Dr!!! Smile

One of my female friends done exactly that.

valiumredhead · 14/03/2011 16:02

Gosh, if it is so important, get a PhD and call yourself a Dr!!!

No need for that, just call yourself Ms? Grin

thinkingaboutschools · 14/03/2011 16:04

I always feel as if I have aged 20 yrs when someone calls me "Mrs Thinkingaboutschools"

TillyP · 14/03/2011 16:05

frgr good point, well made. Its just sexist convention that the names get passed down through the male line anyway.

In an ideal world we'd have no titles and just choose the best sounding of the two parents' surnames for the kids and it wouldn't really matter what you call yourself. You're still the same person. "A rose, by any other name, etc etc..."

But since we don't, I prefer to have the same surname as my kids and husband.

And I'm not that old Grin but I do think that more often than not, if you use 'Ms' people also assume (rightly of wrongly) you are unmarried and young.

ThisIsANiceCage · 14/03/2011 16:05

I've always been tempted to get a PhD for this reason, bemybebe, but actually after this thread I think I'll stand my grand and insist on Ms rather than let inquisitive judgypants off the hook.

If they really want to know my marital status (or indeed history), they can ask outright and justify why they are doing so. Otherwise they can fuck off.

ThisIsANiceCage · 14/03/2011 16:06

stand my ground, obviously.

Tho if someone would like to stand me a grand, my bank a/c no is...

BellsaRinging · 14/03/2011 16:08

I've always been a Ms as a matter of principle.I do feel until titles are not asked for/used then there is going to be an element of prejudice. I wonder what would happen if everyone was just M Lastname? Or if all women adopted Ms? I might start using Mr...

bemybebe · 14/03/2011 16:09

ThisIsANiceCage Grin

bumpybecky · 14/03/2011 16:10

valium I have found using Dr means the receptionist at the GPs are nicer Wink

prettybird · 14/03/2011 16:14

Well, as I suppose one of my particular bugbear(s) is a hatred of "assumptions" (as the cliche goes: "it makes an ass of u and me" Wink) in general....

....if people want to assume that I am both unmarried and young then they are wrong on both counts much as I would like still to classify myself as young Wink

.... have to say though, I have never come across that assumption. Or maybe I just blank it out from my consciousness Grin

bemybebe · 14/03/2011 16:15

bumpybecky "I have found using Dr means the receptionist at the GPs are nicer "
hey, maybe I should go for the phd after all

BlingLoving · 14/03/2011 16:16

bambino - if and when I have a girl, I'm registering her as Ms too. Although I expect to take some heat for that - people think I'm ridiculous because I ask them not to call me Mrs DHSurname!

BlingLoving · 14/03/2011 16:18

Oh, and Bells - if the options are Mr, Mrs or Miss, I choose Mr!

Wyke129 · 14/03/2011 16:20

I think the word Ms was made up by anti-feminists to stop its widespread comfortable use. It hasn't got a proper vowel in it, a rubbish word.

I wish we were all like female actors who keep the title Miss whether married or not. we could use miss whether or not we keep our own name when married.

Habbibu · 14/03/2011 16:21

Mrs hasn't got a proper vowel in it.