To not want MIL (or other relative) folding up our smalls?!

[BigGingerCat]

Yes, I realise this is not up there with "AIBU to not want my MIL to put her cigarette out on my baby's arm?" But I'm not sure if I'm peeved for no reason on this one, so turning it over to the Mumsnet jury!

I know she was only trying to help, and was probably trying to find something to do while I was out and she was very kindly watching baby DS. But I came back to find all the dried washing sorted out into piles: mine, DH's and baby's, all folded (even the underwear), and my DH's socks put into pairs and balled together. Lucky boy to have mummy on hand -I never bother to do this for him. Maybe I would have been less funny about it if it was just bedlinen or something but, I dunno, it felt a little intrusive.

This is not a gripe against MILs per se. Mine is generally lovely. I think I'd be funny about my mum or stepmum doing the same, and I certainly wouldn't start sorting laundry in a relative or good friend's house without asking if they wanted help. Is it then a question of boundaries and not automatically treating another woman's household as an extension of your own?

Didn't say anything of course as I know it is a v. minor point, but is anyone else a bit funny about this sort of thing???

[nethunsreject]

Yanbu.

My Mum does this too and it is kind of her, but she tends to 'take over'.

No doubt we will be told we are ungrateful bitches in the next 3 minutes, I put money on it.

[Sillyshell]

Yanbu, my MIL came round a couple of weeks ago to drop a parcel round whilst we were at work. When I got home that evening, she had ironed all of DH's shirts and washed up.

I know I should be grateful but I'm not!

[hairylights]

Yabu I'd love it if someone did my housework for me.

[JuicyLips]

Yanbu, Its very nice they wanted to help you out though. we were stuck in hospital for 8 days with dd, and very kindly mil took some washing home for us, but I did feel a bit uncomfortable when I realised she had Ironed and folded our underwear as well as our other items that you'd normally iron.

[agedknees]

I am not going to say you are ungrateful. Everyone has their own privacy limits.

But don't you think it's lovely that you have a close enough relationship that she feels she can do that for you?

[Tee2072]

I would have said YABU until a year ago when my mother commented, while folding my laundry, that my bras and pants were very sexy. My husband couldn't have sex with me for a month!

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

YABU - I wouldn't mind at all!

If she had gone rummaging for it then you would have a point, but if there is washing dry in a basket/on an airer then I would be delighted if my Mum or MIL folded it!

[Imnotaslimjim]

I don't know if you are or not, but I was very grateful when a friend that was babysitting did the dishes and put on a load of washing. I'd fallen really behind with housework after DS being poorly so it meant I could get on with another area of the house. I don't know if I'd have been so grateful if it was MIL dealing with my undies (certainly couldn't them smalls pmsl)

[Eglu]

YABU. My Mum and MIL will both on occasion do ironing for me, and I really appreciate it. It was clean clothes.

[Flisspaps]

MIL did this when she came to visit when DD was born.

I HATED it. Inside I was screaming 'GET OFF MY KNICKERS WOMAN!'

Actually, come to think of it, she bought me some nice knickers for my birthday shortly after, probably didn't think mine were pretty enough to entice dh to make another gc for her

[Saltire]

MIL rakes through our laundry basket for things to wash - inlcuding my kinckers and DH pants.
(We have a basket on landing for underwear and towels.
So now when she visits, I hide all teh dirty underwear (by dirty I mean worn, we aren't minging )in a bag under the bed. Yes, sad i know but it's the only way to stop her. I have only just, after 17 years persuaded her that if she kindly does the ironing then there's no need for her to put it away - thus taking away the opportunity for her to look through drawers

[BigGingerCat]

Saltire - that's an easy one to fix once and for all. Put a dominatrix outfit and a gimp suit in the laundry basket.... Worth the expense.

[nethunsreject]

I am totally scunnered at not having been told I am an ungrateful fucker.

[huff]

[Bringonthegoat]

YABU - ridiculous - love it when others 'do' for me

[gateacre1]

YANBU
my FIL has an OBSESSION with laundry
he is always bringing pegs over and those circular peg hangy things ( plastic crap basically)
If MIL or FIL are visiting and im not home they empty the machine and individually peg all laundry up on the line, including my knickers ewwwwwwwwwww
its not their place to hang up my smalls!!!

[aftereight]

YANBU, I would hate that too, even if it was my own mum.
Once, when I had a uterine infection (loads of blood..), my boyfriend gave all my knickers to his mum to wash. I was mortified

[Melly19MummyToBe]

YADNBU, my MIL is the same. I went out once while she was here helping DP wallpapering, and when I came back DP was doing some DIY and his mum was in the garden, and literally, EVERYTHING downstairs had moved. Not the furniture, but all the ornaments that are downstairs. She had polished everywhere, and when I say they had all moved it wasn't like a few things were facing the wrong way, everything had been rearranged! I spent about half an hour putting everything back in all 4 downstairs rooms! A couple of things had even moved rooms!

[Melly19MummyToBe]

She had done all this while he was DIYing, then she'd gone outside to do some gardening.

[silverangel]

My MIL does my washing - she seems to enjoy it and it means I dont have to do it. At first I HATED it, but got used to it!

[Bottleofbeer]

Years ago our washing machine broke, so the other half took a load round to his mum's and put the wash on with the intention of picking it up later and we'd dry it.

I had caesareans so had a collection of HUGE, horrible granny knickers to make sure smalls didn't rub on the scar. I had been making curry and it bubbled over onto the hob. First thing to hand was a pair of said knicks (clean, by now they were used for polishing and stuff) and they somehow found their way into this pile of washing done at his mum's.

Imagine my mortification when she dropped the washing round herself, all dried, ironed and folded. Granny knickers - beautifully stained in a browish/yellow colour bang on top of the pile.

Oh....dear...God.

[Ormirian]

Send her round to my house please.

[Melly19MummyToBe]

Oh my gosh that must've been so mortifying! If something like that ever happened to me I don't think I'd ever be able to look MIL in the eye again!

Oh wait. It did. I've just remembered unfortunately. I went on a caravan holiday with my DP and his family a couple of years ago, in the middle of the night I had a dodgy stomach, was up and down to the loo for ages, didn't quite make it one time though. I tied up PJ bottoms and pants in a carrier bag to take back home to wash. So imagine my horror next morning when I looked out of the window into the awning to see MIL with a washing up bowl with said PJ bottoms and pants in it soaking. Couldn't look her in the eye for ages

[bumperella]

Bottleofbeer.... was it REALLY curry? Honestly?

My MIL went through laundry basket to do washing for us when she was up visiting recently. It feels really intrusive and uncomfortable: I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way! She also irons underwear etc, which I would feel uncomfortable about if it wasn't totally overshadowed by the laundry-basket-rummaging. It's really kind and helpful and meant so well....but I just don't like it!

[Toffeefudgecake]

I'm like you, op. My MIL doesn't have any boundaries where knickers and personal details are concerned, whereas I most certainly do. I hate her to see my knickers and bras, but she will fold up all the laundry just like your MIL did. It is actually very helpful and I appreciate it, but I do find it intrusive. She also used to buy knickers for me, until DH persuaded her that I liked to buy my own. There is something very unsexy about wearing knickers that your MIL has bought for you. She also once got us some of these along with some shopping she'd bought for us . I was mortified.

And, whilst we are on the subject of knickers and MILs, when she stayed with us recently and slept in my DS2's bedroom, she put her used knickers in the drawer of the bedside cabinet. I was disgusted! My son puts his cuddly toys in there!

Back to your original query: YANBU, but I don't think you should say anything to her about it because she was clearly trying to help out. Just hide your smalls before she comes round next.