To not want MIL (or other relative) folding up our smalls?!

[BigGingerCat]

Yes, I realise this is not up there with "AIBU to not want my MIL to put her cigarette out on my baby's arm?" But I'm not sure if I'm peeved for no reason on this one, so turning it over to the Mumsnet jury!

I know she was only trying to help, and was probably trying to find something to do while I was out and she was very kindly watching baby DS. But I came back to find all the dried washing sorted out into piles: mine, DH's and baby's, all folded (even the underwear), and my DH's socks put into pairs and balled together. Lucky boy to have mummy on hand -I never bother to do this for him. Maybe I would have been less funny about it if it was just bedlinen or something but, I dunno, it felt a little intrusive.

This is not a gripe against MILs per se. Mine is generally lovely. I think I'd be funny about my mum or stepmum doing the same, and I certainly wouldn't start sorting laundry in a relative or good friend's house without asking if they wanted help. Is it then a question of boundaries and not automatically treating another woman's household as an extension of your own?

Didn't say anything of course as I know it is a v. minor point, but is anyone else a bit funny about this sort of thing???

Hahaha yes! it was definitely curry!

Oh dear Melly!

Melly - what was she doing looking through your washing anyway?

More charitably, it could just be that MILs feel 'motherly' towards their DILs, just as they do their sons.

I swear I will never wash future DILs' smalls though.

I hadn't had chance to put it in my laundry bag yet, so the carrier bag it was in was just sat on the floor at the end of our airbed.

And I think you could be right about that technique. MILs always seem to manage to find the dirt/stuff that needs doing/washing!

Does it count as 'passive aggressive'? My MIL is an expert at that.

I think it totally depends on the clothes to pants ratio of your washing basket

On holiday I think my MIL hung up our washing as we were all chipping in with it (10 people including a baby so lots!) and my undies must have been included as were hubby's. Think she quite enjoyed hanging up baby things! Having recently given birth someone seeing my rather tame underpants were the least of my worries!

It seems like a very kind gesture to sort out laundry, but I would have a problem with any relative sorting out my dirties. To comment about the sexiness of ones underpants is however, totally wrong!

Women and mothers as a general rule just like to interfere!

What's wrong with the andrex moist? They're very good for getting yer bum really clean

When I was 18 I lived with my boyfriend at his step-Dad's house I could never get used to his Step-Dad washing my undies BF thought, I was weird

Schroeder - it wasn't the Andrex Moist as such, it was the fact that my MIL was even thinking of us wiping and whether we were clean enough! We are in our 40s, FFS, I think we know how to do it by now!

YANBU Thankfully we no longer speak to MIL the witch but she used to do some lovely helpful things, she watched DD1 and DS when I went in to have DD2 and I came home a day later to all my laundry done including underwear and DS's babygros ironed [she fucked the iron] she also tidied my bedroom and removed all the baby equipment into the kids room and cleaned and reorganised my kitchen 'as you don't have time to do it' she said that in front of friends. It was already done.

I have folded washing for my dd and sil while I've been looking after my dgs .. they are only pants fgs

I think she was just being helpful-it wouldn't bother me-after all it hangs in the garden for all to see!

"But don't you think it's lovely that you have a close enough relationship that she feels she can do that for you?"

Tis my experience that MILs feel they have a close enough relationship as soon as the knot is tied to do or say anything at all that pleases them and with a bit of luck also pisses off the daughter in law in a way that renders said daughter in law incapable of complaining without looking churlish and ungrateful.

Washing and folding the family underwear would be an absolutely perfect example.

And ps nobody washes my pants except me. I've had loads of domestic help and had to stay weeks with parents and in-laws and nobody washes my pants. Don't care if they are only pants, or even only crusty pants, they're my crusty pants. Hands orf.

I'm not surprised the OP feels uncomfortable.

after all it hangs in the garden for all to see!
Mine don't.

gooseberrybushes you sound like a lovely dil I hope my son marries someone like you

It is much more environmentally friendly to hang your washing out.

Whether it hangs out or not, I don't see that folding it for you is anything other than helpful.

I would like to think she didn't think that deeply about it gooseberry. At best she was just trying to be helpful. At worst I think (hope) that she simply forgets that we're grown ups running our own household and don't need mummy to pick up after us!

She does tend to "baby" her kids. Good example - her daughter (my SIL) was off to a party where a fella she liked was going to be there. MIL made sure she went round and took some photos of SIL in her party clothes and told her she looked lovely in case she was nervous. SIL is 27. On the one hand it's very caring on the other it's rather oppressive!

So that's the issue, feeling like I'm being fussed and babied. And yes, if it had been dirty washing she'd gone through I would have said something!!

Oh, sorry, buggered up the italics there!

I would die a thousand deaths if my MIL ever touched my underwear!

YANBU.

Of course she is a stern, reserved Minnesota farm woman...if she had the choice between doing my smalls or waterboarding she'd probably take the torture. :o

I would feel a little uncomfortable with my MIL seeing my knickers

YANBU

exoticfruits I do hang my washing out when I can just not my underwear.

I hang my underwear out ...I have no shame

i can only wish that someone would fold my laundry sometimes (as much as i love doing it [seriously, i love doing laundry from start to finish]). and im willing to fold my friends laundry all the time. if they ask or not. its just habit...same with cleaning. maybe "OCD" is better than "habit"...