To not want MIL (or other relative) folding up our smalls?!

[BigGingerCat]

Yes, I realise this is not up there with "AIBU to not want my MIL to put her cigarette out on my baby's arm?" But I'm not sure if I'm peeved for no reason on this one, so turning it over to the Mumsnet jury!

I know she was only trying to help, and was probably trying to find something to do while I was out and she was very kindly watching baby DS. But I came back to find all the dried washing sorted out into piles: mine, DH's and baby's, all folded (even the underwear), and my DH's socks put into pairs and balled together. Lucky boy to have mummy on hand -I never bother to do this for him. Maybe I would have been less funny about it if it was just bedlinen or something but, I dunno, it felt a little intrusive.

This is not a gripe against MILs per se. Mine is generally lovely. I think I'd be funny about my mum or stepmum doing the same, and I certainly wouldn't start sorting laundry in a relative or good friend's house without asking if they wanted help. Is it then a question of boundaries and not automatically treating another woman's household as an extension of your own?

Didn't say anything of course as I know it is a v. minor point, but is anyone else a bit funny about this sort of thing???

[WhereTheWildThingsWere]

How dirty are all your pants?

I would have no objection to family or friends doing my washing, providing they sorted it properly.

We go on on lots of holidays with extended family and I tend to do a lot of the washing for everyone, quite happy to wash and peg out anyone's pants.

But then I also dry washable sanitary towels on my radiators, did it once when mil was here, she just collected them up for me with the rest of the washing and asked me what they were and where to put them away

I don't understand all the shame .

[exoticfruits]

Neither do I WhereTheWildThingsWere-my washing is clean after it has beeen done. I find it odd that people don't want to let anyone help and that it should be criticism. What about your DCs-or do you have to censor the washing basket first-or do they not lift a finger in the home?

[Ormirian]

Hmm...I am also a bit confused how an OP about MIL sorting out clean washing has turned into a thread about cackling evil MILs delving into washing baskets full of blood and sperm soaked undies

I never take help as criticism. I take it as help and am usually grateful - the only possible exception to that being when mum and dad put the washing up away in all the wrong place so cooking a meal takes twice as long because I can't find anything....

[exoticfruits]

I just assumed that if it was raining for example anyone would get the washing in off the line-I didn't realise that you had to leave it in to get soaked because you mustn't touch someone's underwear!

[KittaKatta]

Sorry to go off subject a bit here but can someone just clarify for me?
Some of you had parents who tidied your bedrooms for you??
Really?

[cornsilk678]

mu mum never tidied my bedroom for me when I was living at home. She can't wait to get stuck into my house now though strangely enough.

[ledkr]

i had 3 teenage sons all at once,i used to pull their doors shut on their stinky rooms,they did their own washing and i only nagged when there was something furry in the room.They did make me laugh tho when they discovered girls they spent hrs in the shower,sprayed on lynx and then still smelt of their own room!

[exoticfruits]

There was a whole thread on teenage rooms and a lot of people had to have control-'my house-my rules'. If they don't at that stage close the door and say 'our house' they are not going to respect boundries later IMO.

[sprinkles77]

my MIL does this. without asking. then does it badly (folds damp laundry and puts it on work top onto of spillage, usually her coffee). Jesus I could go on and on and on about her stupidity. She constantly talks in detail about hers and any one else's bodily functions, present and past. can't use a toilet brush. turned up the morning after i got home from my c section, unannounced, when I was home alone cos DH had gone to get stuff for baby. woke me and baby and was irritated that i'd taken so long to get the front door. more? lies. throws her fag buts over the fence onto the neighbour's car. always leaves her stuff when she comes to stay. comes to stay with no notice. comes to stay when none of her own children are around (my husband works very long hours and some weekends, his siblings are selfish). etc etc etc

[sprinkles77]

oh.. and her so called help with the laundry comes with other veiled snipes (tells everyone " I looked after baby so she could do some shopping": bull shit I do everything with my DS in tow, no problem and we both love it). the irony is that her house is a pigsty, her kids are all psychologically damaged and not sure about his siblings', but my DH's arse is scarred from the nappy rash caused by her neglect nearly 40 years ago!

[thumbwitch]

kittakatta - I came home from a week away with school friends to find my parents had rearranged my bedroom, to their preference. Not mine. And not well, either. I soon moved it back again. Perhaps that's where the intense dislike of interference comes from...
But they didn't tidy it on a regular basis, that was left to me to do.

[MoaningMcMyrtlepants]

If it is clean and needs bringing in from the line then I would have no objection to someone doing so and folding it. I wouldn't like someone to put it away however or put another wash on.

As an aside I used to be a housekeeper back in the early 90's and I used to have to do her washing. Her thongs etc. had to be hand washed and I wasn't allowed to wear gloves as that could damage them and she wasn't the cleanest. I also had to do the washing of any guests that stayed as well, following any special instructions. If anyone had been Ill I had to clean that up as well. Plus I knew who had been intimate and if they were on and all sorts of personal stuff. There was some lovely people who left me a tip sometimes but there was some utter, utter disgusting twats depite the fact they had money and titles etc. Though have to say there were some interesting parties sometimes.

[gluttom]

Wouldn't worry about clean washed pants but taking pants from the dirty washing basket would really bother me.

[Backtobedlam]

YANBU to want a bit of privacy in your own home. My own mum would never touch anything personal without asking me first. Mil on the other hand came round, me and dp went out, came back to find she'd been in and tidyed our room, taken dirty washing etc. Only problem was I'd left my vibrator out (pre-kids and in my 20's).....needless to say she never entered our room without checking first again! I'd suggest this technique to anyone, maybe errect a pole and leave some bondage stuff around for maximum impact....once you get over the initial embarrassment future years of meddling will be stopped

[lurkerspeaks]

Oh god. If everyone thinks like you I've crossed the line a whole load of times. I often help friends with laundry esp. when they have small children - it can be a real drag and if there happen to be family undies in there I would just hang them out or fold them up along with the rest of stuff.

I am however fairly chilled about such things - my cleaner normally hangs out my own laundry.

[exoticfruits]

This is 6 months old-why don't people start their own thread?

[RantyMcRantpants]

Sorry hadn't realised the date on it. Someone linked to it in another thread and I assumed it was are recent one. That'll teach me to check dates.

[exoticfruits]

I thought that you were one of those people who deliberately trawls back!

[RantyMcRantpants]

No, that annoys me to. Honestly didn't realise the date on it when I followed the link from another thread, I really assumed it was a recent thread and should have checked the dares but I didn't. Still it's a brilliant thread with some strong opinions.