To not want MIL (or other relative) folding up our smalls?!

[BigGingerCat]

Yes, I realise this is not up there with "AIBU to not want my MIL to put her cigarette out on my baby's arm?" But I'm not sure if I'm peeved for no reason on this one, so turning it over to the Mumsnet jury!

I know she was only trying to help, and was probably trying to find something to do while I was out and she was very kindly watching baby DS. But I came back to find all the dried washing sorted out into piles: mine, DH's and baby's, all folded (even the underwear), and my DH's socks put into pairs and balled together. Lucky boy to have mummy on hand -I never bother to do this for him. Maybe I would have been less funny about it if it was just bedlinen or something but, I dunno, it felt a little intrusive.

This is not a gripe against MILs per se. Mine is generally lovely. I think I'd be funny about my mum or stepmum doing the same, and I certainly wouldn't start sorting laundry in a relative or good friend's house without asking if they wanted help. Is it then a question of boundaries and not automatically treating another woman's household as an extension of your own?

Didn't say anything of course as I know it is a v. minor point, but is anyone else a bit funny about this sort of thing???

[usualsuspect]

Gooseberrybushes .. its not worth getting your private knickers in a twist about have a

[Takver]

Oh dear, now I'm wondering if I shouldn't have carried on from SiL who was putting out washing on the airer when she went off to shower while I looked after baby . . .

I'd never even think about objecting if someone (well, any relative or friend) hung my washing out or folded it up, so it didn't occur to me that anyone else would feel odd about it

Come to that, given that we used to live in a housing co-op, plenty of people have got my undies in off the line for me when its come on to rain, though they rarely folded them neatly

[BuntyPenfold]

my MIL borrowed a pair of my knickers, and handed them to me a week later saying "I have washed them dear..."
I should ruddy well hope so....I threw them away.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

My clean pants are likewise on display drying around the house or on the line if anyone comes around unexpectedly.

But the thought of anyone else going through my laundry basket actually makes me feel angry. Where is the privacy?

[cantspel]

They are pants and i am sure your mil has seen period pants before. Doing a bit of pant folding for a dil is hardly snooping as in all honesty i doubt she finds a pile of pants that interesting.(unless you wear cruchless porn star pants)

[gooseberrybushes]

It's ok usual knickers not in twist -- just having a bit of fun. But thanks for the wine. I wonder why they don't do a glass of white?

[WincyEtNightietilMayBeOut]

You have a "baby DS" so I think YApossiblyBU as she was surely just trying to help. Let's face it, three are enough threads on here about MILs who just come round and drink tea/admire baby and a host of "get em to make themselves useful do some housework" responses.

However

a) I would take it as an insult to the size of my pants if someone took it upon themselves to fold them

a) i) Actually I've just remembered my Mum gave me a hand pegging out some washing when DS was small and I was still wearing my huge, black maternity pants. "Do you want 2 pegs on these?" said she "!!!!" said I

b) dirty laundry is out of bounds and a totally different story.

c) rearranging drawers etc is just

[usualsuspect]

I have fetched my grown up dds washing in for her off the line if its dry, and folded her and my sils pants ..I never knew it was so controversial

[gooseberrybushes]

Yes I'm sure my mil's seen period pants before. So what? I therefore must show her mine?

No issues here. Hands orf me pants. Not exactly an indicator of mental imbalance, is it?

It's "crotch" by the way.

[gooseberrybushes]

Don't be upset can'tspell. It'll be alright.

[bumspoon]

Sorry just read the OP, but wanted to let you know that we share a mother in law. Mine has no boundaries in my house whatsoever and my knickers have been neatly folded into rows many times.

[gooseberrybushes]

awww sweet

you must have one of the nice ones

[bumspoon]

I don't really have an issue with the folding of clean knickers - although it's slighlty OCDish when they're all displayed neatly in a row. What bothers me is that she goes up to my bedroom, roots through my dirty washing and takes it upon herself to do it.

You don't go into someone else's house, even close family, and go uninvited into their bedroom. It's the crossing of boundaries we care about, not the fact that our MILs have seen our knickers.

[cantspel]

I only have sons so i must remember when the time comes never to help with folding the washing when i go visiting or i will have mnet thinking i am a passive aggressive mil who is snooping. Or maybe i will still upset mnet for being a mil who cant see what busy lives their dil's live i and dont do anything to help.

God i can see this mil business being a right minefield.

[bumspoon]

I only have a son too, so hope I'll be a MIL one day. I don't think it will be a minefield though. Surely all you have to say is "is there anything I can do to help?". Easy.

[gooseberrybushes]

Cant -- yes, good idea. Would certainly recommend do not help with folding underwear unless asked. If you can't think of any other way to help that doesn't involve underwear you could always ask your dil. I think this might solve the "minefield" problem.

No herbie: not only can you not see the problem -- you are "shocked" that other people do see the problem. Simply because they think underwear is private, and going into someone else's underwear is intrusive.

I suppose I think it's really weird that people think their underwear isn't private. I mean - really, really weird.

[cantspel]

But if they are out and i was left in minding a sleeping baby then to me it would be normal to look around and see if there was any little jobs that need doing.
To me that is how families work and you help each other out without the need for someone to ask.

[cantspel]

I think of underwear as just an item of clothing and think it is weird that people seem to think it is something private and not for the mil eyes.

But hey it takes all sorts to make a world.

[gooseberrybushes]

But now you've learned that lots of people think differently, and that a person who thinks this way might marry your son. That's the magic of conversation.

[gooseberrybushes]

"It's weird that people seem to think underwear is something private."

Er not really.

Ok I think we're done.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

(right behind you gooseberry )

[usualsuspect]

When my son gets married I will fold my dil pants just so she can have something to bitch about on MN

[exoticfruits]

I have never thought of a laundry basket as private! (draws and cupboards-yes: laundry baskets and washing lines -no). If I didn't want anyone touching the laundry basket I would simply put it in a cupboard.