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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

737 replies

carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 13:52

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

OP posts:
Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 13:55

Excuse shocking typingGrin

OP posts:
barmbrack · 09/03/2011 13:56

yabu.

And your DP is being sensible.

Sorry.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 09/03/2011 13:57

YANBU!!!! You work hard, you want a holiday and if you are careful/sensible you can afford one. You should have one...END OF

I love my holidays and couldnt go without - if DH didnt want to come I would go anyway !

BillBrysonsRucksack · 09/03/2011 13:58

What barmbrack said. If you are responsible for the lack of cash, then there is no way you should expect a holiday.

Summerfruit · 09/03/2011 13:58

yabu, you seem like a spoilt little madam.

Hammy02 · 09/03/2011 13:59

Until a couple of years ago, we had 3 holidays a year. Due to the recession, we haven't been abroad since then. We just don't have the money. Just had a coiuple of long weekends in the UK. It's not great but its just the way it is at the moment. No biggy.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 09/03/2011 13:59

why does she sound like a spoilt little madam...she works hard, earns good money and wants a holiday....cant see anything spoilt about that ??

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 14:00

Desperate, I said exactly that to him last night.

I wouldn't WANT to go on my own, but I would.

Barmbrack, we were sensible last year. and he promised one year not going away wasn't the end of the year as we would go this year.

When will be an ok time for us to go away again. 5 years, ten years??

OP posts:
bamboostalks · 09/03/2011 14:00

Well I don't see the problem if you are both in well paid jobs with lots of overtime. What are you doing with all your cash then?

Abcinthia · 09/03/2011 14:01

I think yabu.

It makes my teeth itch when people moan about not being able to go on holiday. I haven't been on holiday in 6 years and have NEVER been abroad because I can't afford it.

LaWeasel · 09/03/2011 14:01

I think YABU.

You caused the financial troubles, you bear the brunt of sorting it out. That's it.

DH and I have never been on holiday together, although I love them and really want to take DD to the beach.

Life isn't always easy!

Hammy02 · 09/03/2011 14:01

Just because someone is working hard, doesn't entitle them to a holiday abroad. Millions of people in this country work hard and are struggling just to make ends meet.

BillBrysonsRucksack · 09/03/2011 14:02

She seems spoiled because she says in the post Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough

So basically she is happy to get them in trouble but still expects luxuries.

IMHO you shouldn't spend what you don't have.

carriedababi · 09/03/2011 14:02

well what have you actually been over spending on?

and why are you doing that?

yanbu to need a holiday, it does you good.

but you need to have a serious think about your spending habits so you can propritise the thigs you really want

wisecamel · 09/03/2011 14:02

An Ok time would be probably when you've saved up the money. Sorry.

Summerfruit · 09/03/2011 14:02

Yes she works hard, and yes she deserves an holiday for that...but the fact she cant book an holiday today is because she has overspent. She maybe needs to look at her priorities again ?

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 09/03/2011 14:03

YABU, yes holidays in the sun are wonderful but arent needed. Your going to die without a holiday are you?

"Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy"

are you daft? you havent got the money to pay for it, so dont go!

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 14:03

I am most definitely not a spolit madam!!Shock i work full-time, have three kids and am soo busy day in day out.

I love being a mother and doing what I do, but I need a break1 The summers are shit in the UK, So a week in sun the sun is something I look forward to.

Financially, things have improved massively. I can totally see his concern, but I think he is overreacting.

OP posts:
Hammy02 · 09/03/2011 14:04

If you can afford it, YABU. If you can't afford it, YANBU.

frgr · 09/03/2011 14:05

YABU, I feel sorry for your DH. He sounds like he's being sensible. you've admitted already about being over commited in the last couple of years.

really, your DH sounds like he has his head screwed on - trying to justify money you don't have with all sorts of things like "you have a well paid job", you get overtime, it's the one thing you look forward to (what have you overcommitted on then? optional stuff or not?), ... if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

I couldn't disagree with Desperateforthinnerthighs more strongly when she says "You work hard, you want a holiday and if you are careful/sensible you can afford one. You should have one".

People are not entitled to holidays. It's lovely if you can have them, but finances don't aways reflect how savvy you've been with money (accident, illness, unexpected car or home repairs) or how hard you work (plenty of people work really hard for little pay, plenty of people work very hard for a lot of pay - the two aren't always linked).

So, whilst i have sympathy with you bcuase I too love a holiday above all other indulgences... get over yourself, OP.

YABU. Your DH is not.

Hammy02 · 09/03/2011 14:05

Sorry, I meant, if you can afford it, YANBU, if you can't afford it YABU.

Summerfruit · 09/03/2011 14:05

Well I hope you get your holidays and that you wont have to create debts in order to do so. I wish all the best !

foundwanting · 09/03/2011 14:05

I think YABU.

Look at it from your husband's side. You want him to spend money on something that he doesn't value/appreciate after you got your family into financial difficulties.

frgr · 09/03/2011 14:07

"I can totally see his concern, but I think he is overreacting."

Then go through the figures with him in detail and prove with hard numbers that you can afford it.

Don't try and book a holiday justifying it that you're paid well or will get overtime. Or deserve it. that last one is the most Hmm of all.

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 14:08

I had over committed on credit, which has now been consolidated. Things are not fantastic, but improving.

On appaer it looks as though we earn a lot and should have a lot spare. However, things always crop up don't they and you end up wondering what happened that month. Unexpected bills, things breaking and needing replacing.

My DP has a sporting hobby which he spends approx £60 a mth on. I have nothing like that. All I BLOOMIN' want is a week away. We have budgeted every other year for it.

We ahve so credit cards anymore, so I intend to pay for the holiday out of overtime that I earn.

He would not stop me booking a holiday at all, but his lack of interest and enthusiasm has put me off. It has made me mad, that he knows what a big deal this is for me.

OP posts:
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