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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

737 replies

carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 13:52

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

OP posts:
BlueCat2010 · 09/03/2011 14:08

Hmm You have been told that you can't really afford it and still want to go? YABU!

There are a lot of things I want too but I can't afford them so I make do without, regardless of the fact that work my arse off.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 09/03/2011 14:12

I think OP is pissed off coz last year he promised they would go away this year and now he is saying they cant..I would be pretty fed up too.

If you can afford it and it isnt going to get you into financial trouble then YANBU at all...if you really cant afford it maybe thats another case.......you dont sound spolit to me at all though!

Yeah, go through the figures with him and remind him of last years promise.....if it was a golfing or some other holiday that he wanted, would he magically decide you could afford it after all??

I have to say my holidays in the sun are most definately needed, lol

missorinoco · 09/03/2011 14:12

YANBU to want a holiday.

But if you took a step back is your DH right? I ask only because mine infuriates me when he tells me things I don't want to hear, even if secretly I know he is right. (Luckily this is rare.)

Lots of sympathy though. Last year and the year before we found some great places in UK. (Not rubbing your nose in it, too broke even for that this year.) And I am fussy.

bemybebe · 09/03/2011 14:12

Very strange post. You are working hard, but still have no spare cash. Why think about a holiday abroad in such dramatic terms? Can't you (and your family) enjoy something less financially demanding or are you prepared to have arguments about the holiday abroad and push the family into more debt? YABtotallyU

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 14:13

His take on holidays is that he wants to see the whole lot of the money upfront. Yes this is ideal, but in reality how many people do it this way?

I think I AM being sensible is trying to book ahead and budget. As the time comes closer, I would work longer hours, cut back on whatever else I could.

As i said, I think the problem is that he isn't that fussed to want to try and make thee plans happen.

OP posts:
Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 14:16

bemybebe, there will be no further debt. It will be paid for with cash we earn.

There will not be any more credit in this house..

He is alittle bit cautious with all areas of spending. I could probably accept the holiday thing if we did something else, but he is always waitin for when we (miraculously) have a few grand up front in the bank, before we do almost anything.

OP posts:
frgr · 09/03/2011 14:19

carmenelectra, stop using warped logic to justify it. financially comitting to something when you don't have the money is poor money management - didn't you learn anything from getting into so much credit card debt that you needed to consolidate it all? booking it and relying on overtime to pay it off when already in debt, despite the fact that your so-called "well paid" job has meant you don't have the spare cash since last year to save for it... well, it's not surprising MN posters aren't convinced!

the mind boggles at why you'd even be considering going on holiday in that situation. your poor DH is damned if he does, damned if he doesn't - stop trying to make out he's a big bad man stopping you from doing something you need. you just want it. wanting a holiday is fine, we all do, but you seem to be quite childish/short sighted about all of this!

a tip which you should have learnt after the debt consolidation: save up this year from your work, go on holiday next year. when you have the money. not vauge ideas of how you can meet your financial comittments.

carriedababi · 09/03/2011 14:19

carmen your still not saying what you have over spent on...

BillBrysonsRucksack · 09/03/2011 14:19

But you would be in debt if you book the holiday with the intention of paying for it later. That's how credit works, isn't it?

BlueCat2010 · 09/03/2011 14:19

In this economic climate you are stupid to rely on overtime! I'm sorry to be so blunt but I have seen couples who are really well off with very well paid jobs and the next week they have told me that both of them were made redundant...... and then started sobbing how on earth they were going to meet all the finacial commitments they have made, including a holiday.

For goodness sake will you please listen to what he is saying - after all he seems to be the partner in your relationship that is better with money.

bemybebe · 09/03/2011 14:20

Can you create a holiday fund that would cover all costs for when you actually go? Can you book something that you can cancel with minimal penalty, just in case you have to?

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 14:21

Carrie, got into a bit of mess with credit cards etc. All consolidated now. I have learned my lesson. Nothing major, but found myself struggling to keep on top of everything.

OP posts:
Bramshott · 09/03/2011 14:21

I'd start saving then, and once you have the money, book somewhere last minute.

lateatwork · 09/03/2011 14:22

um... we do.... we only go if we have saved the cash upfront... doesnt everyone do it that way?? otherwise, how do you know if you will be able to afford it when the time comes... what if there is an unexpected bill that comes in?

this means you have to have the money now so you can get the cheap deals... otherwise we wouldnt go.

NinkyNonker · 09/03/2011 14:22

YABU.

BlueCat2010 · 09/03/2011 14:23

Now that is a sensible idea Bramshott - last minte deals are economical too, and you would be able to choose where to go based on your actual money in the pot.

frgr · 09/03/2011 14:23

But just because you're not swiping the holiday with a plastic card that says Visa on it, doesn't mean you're not getting into debt. Financially committing to something when you do not have the money to pay for it, and relying on your overtime to pay for it, with potential penalties - this IS credit, or at the very least poor financial management.

Why didn't you save up during the year for this one's holiday, if you knew you wanted it, and had similar work levels to extract extra wages from?

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 14:24

My pay covers all my bills. I have a lot of guaranteed overtime that usually gets frittered away or I really overspend on the food shopping.

I could cut back much further if I really had to(holiday on the horizon).

If I don't away this year I may as well knock the extra hours on the head. I am not working for socks off to do sod all all year.

OP posts:
BillBrysonsRucksack · 09/03/2011 14:24

YY fgr

bullet234 · 09/03/2011 14:25

I can see things from both sides. This year we had the money and the passports to go on holiday abroad. I booked in January for a week in August. Payments going well, all on schedule. Plans going ahead.
In mid February our hob broke. The delivery men wouldn't fit the new one as our oven wiring was against regulations (had been fitted by previous owners). The electrician who came round said that the whole kitchen needed to be rewired. Then it became apparent that the whole house needed to be rewired, as a matter of urgency.
So, we had to cancel our holiday to get back the balance (rewires are not cheap). Ironically the electrician who had said it needed doing asap then couldn't do it, so we are waiting for a second electrician to get back to us with a quote and a start date.
I miss our holiday, am gutted we have had to cancel it, but we had to prioritise. We are currently relying on the microwave for all cooking for a start. And I will make sure we go away, but it won't be to the same place I'd planned for.

NinkyNonker · 09/03/2011 14:26

Sorry, meant to say why do you need his permission to save? If you got the family into financial 'difficulties' you obviously have spending power...meaning presumeably you have saving power. Get saving, present him with the money you have saved and the holiday you can afford and tell him you want to go ahead and book it. He obviously doesn't trust you financially at the moment which sounds fair, as by your own admittance you have been over spending.

bemybebe · 09/03/2011 14:26

"If I don't away this year I may as well knock the extra hours on the head. I am not working for socks off to do sod all all year."

very mature attitude

foundwanting · 09/03/2011 14:26

Cut back now. Do the extra overtime now.

If you have saved enough when your holiday comes, off you go. And have a lovely time. But don't be surprised if you don't manage to save enough, you seem to have a very flippant attitude to money.

cantspel · 09/03/2011 14:26

Your debts have been consolidated not paid off or just dissappeared from your life. You still have the debt but have just restructured the payments.

Your husband is right so suck it up and accept you cant have a week in the sun.

lateatwork · 09/03/2011 14:26

If I don't away this year I may as well knock the extra hours on the head. I am not working for socks off to do sod all all year.

um... i think therein lies the problem..... why do do the extra hours this year and SAVE and use the money for next years holiday?