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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

737 replies

carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 13:52

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 14:52

Desperate Grin at your SAGA acronym...

BillBrysonsRucksack · 09/03/2011 14:53

lovecorrie no one is saying that people shouldn't have holidays, it's the OP's attitude to debt that is unreasonable

merryberry · 09/03/2011 14:53

'Are you seriously suggesting that I should pay off everything(AS SOME KIND OF PUNISHMENT? for ever getting into debt) before I do anything again?'

yes, within reason. not suggesting you go knickerless or coatless. but you made financial mistakes before and you should pay for them. ESPECIALLY for you families sake who need you to have leaarnt fromt he last debt go-round.

bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 14:53

I've seen it on one of those programmes on DAVE, that I always pretend to be horrified by but really secretly want to go on. Usually called "Terrible in Tenerife" or "Naughty in Napa", caughtinanet

bemybebe · 09/03/2011 14:53

"Oh and those of you who think that i should pay off my consolidation first, can I ask something? Hve none of you got a mortgage, car loan and finance?"

actually no (as in no debt at all), but this is not a point. having debt is inevitable and there is nothing unhealthy about it if it is well managed. you do not have a good history of debt management (had to consolidate your previous debts), so you have to be extra careful. you said you do not have cash right now to pay for the holiday and will be relying on tightening your belt to save up.

why not save up first? i still do not understand...

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 14:54

Provinciallady, If either of us lost our jobs(extremely unlikely)whether or not we had had a wks holiday would not make a blind bit of difference to a finacial situation.

The cost of our holiday would not be enough for us to live on!!

OP posts:
caughtinanet · 09/03/2011 14:55

bupcakes - everytime Dave is on in this house it's showing bloody Top Gear for the millionth time.

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 14:56

merryberry you gotta be kidding me?

You would be ashamed to be owing money??

Did you pay for your house cash or have you taken a mortgage and are doing nothing till it is cleared?

OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 14:56

provincialLady if carmen is managing her debt, which she is, why should she a) not ever buy herself anything again and b) be ashamed of it?!

She is fulfilling her obligation to pay it off. No need for her to be miserable until it is all done with Hmm

caughtinanet · 09/03/2011 14:56

But the cost of the holiday might be enough to tide you over until you found a new job or even to keep up the consolidation loan repayments.

Summerfruit · 09/03/2011 14:57

I have just booked a week in bungalow in France for.....180 ?. Loire valley here I come !

bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 14:57

Sorry I meant merryberry there, not provinciallady Blush

Chil1234 · 09/03/2011 14:57

No 'finance' car loans or CC debt after being left in poverty when my marriage broke up. The husband that left was a man who racked up tens of thousands of personal debt but who would think nothing of booking us a holiday to the Far East, buying a golf-club membership or spending hundreds on a tailor-made suit 'because he worked hard and deserved it'.... Once I found out how bad things were financially it was very stressful & contributed to the break-up. If your DP finds debt stressful, then his reaction is understandable.

Bottom line is you need a break, which is fine. But there are cheaper ways of achieving the same thing than jetting off somewhere on a holiday that you can't afford.

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 14:58

bemybaby, I am limited to when I can actually go away. Hve annual leave at a ceratin time in the summer. If i dont go then I have no time off till near Xmas.

OP posts:
sparkle12mar08 · 09/03/2011 14:59

We have no debt other than the mortgage, which by working hard and saving hard we will be able to pay off within 12 years instead of 25, likely to be sometime later this year. We'll be mortagage frr at the age of 36. And yes, I'd be ashamed to have to get into debt to buy something. To do so says I haven't the wits, intelligence, or effort to have saved up for something first.

LillianGish · 09/03/2011 14:59

"I had over committed on credit, which has now been consolidated." - What does that mean exactly? What kind of figure are we talking about?

Baileysismyfriend · 09/03/2011 14:59

If I overspent and we had to pay back 12 grand then I think I would just accept that I had my time of living it up for a bit and now have to pay the price.

Your DH is right not to pay out more, that £2k on a holiday could get your debt paid off quicker. I think you should take his concerns more seriously - especially as you caused the financial problems in the first place....

bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 14:59

I totted up a week in Devon for the three of us. Couldn't get it down to less than £557.

For another £89 we can go to Menorca for ten nights.

Guess where we're going...

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 15:02

Some of the comments on here are making me MORE determined to have a holiday.

I may have had some irresponsible attitudes to money, but to me, it seems as bad to be living that frugally it makes you miserable. Then when you are an old lady wahay!, you're rich! Hmm

OP posts:
sparkle12mar08 · 09/03/2011 15:02

Not a problem bupcakes, assuming you have or can immediately afford that amount...

BillBrysonsRucksack · 09/03/2011 15:02

Where did you get that deal bupcakes? Sounds good to me!

thetideishigh · 09/03/2011 15:03

Sooooo, OP, as I understand it....

Basically your overspending on credit has been consolidated and is still a family debt which has to be paid off. But, because the immediate "urgently overdue payable now debt" has been consolidated into longer term debt this has freed up cash each month which you think could be used to fund a holiday this year (or spent this year in other words).

I don't think you have learned the difference between income and disposable income. The amount freed up each month by not having to service the credit card debts should be put towards repaying the additional long-term debt created when you had to consolidate. You are making a classic and very basic error in the way you think about the family's cash flow, i.e. if there is spare cash each month it is available for spending.

If you really want to show your dh that you understand the position you placed the family finances in and have a grasp of income/expenditure/savings/debt etc. here is what you could do.

Find out how much extra the additional loan/mortgage is that has been created by the naive credit card overspending episode. Set this much aside each month in a savings account to pay off chunks of the long term debt when it is possible to do so without any penalties applying, and see if there is still enough to set aside a further amount to save towards a holiday.
If there is then great, open \nother savings fund and start saving so that when there is enough you can have a lovely holiday all paid for with no worries about having enough scraped together by the due payment date.
If there isn't anything left over each month, then you can surely see your dh's point and accept that you need to stop insisting on having good things now with no thought about the family's long term debt position.

You use a phrase that IMHO demonstrates your attitude to spending. In reference to you holiday you refer to "spending money, clothes etc." I will never understand the idea that each year some people need new clothes for their holiday, can't possibly wear last years holiday clothes. A friend I have known now for over 10 years has new everything for the children, rather than sorting through their existing summer clothes swimming stuff etc to see what is suitable and maybe topping up with a few extras, everything is new because it's for taking on holiday and then for herself too, she even shops for her dh. The dc having grown out of last year's stuff I can understand but surely 2 weeks in Greece/Turkey or whatever doesn't actually wear out one's bikinis/swimsuit/sunglasses/dresses/tops/shorts etc. They would mostly be fine for the following year's holiday but oh no, the vast majority of what gets packed each year is brand new.

I hope you could bear to read this post as it does seem that you have come part way in your financial rehabilitation but are stalling as there are some basics you need to grasp to really reform your thinking and actions.

sparkle12mar08 · 09/03/2011 15:05

Oh I so hope you can experience the utter misery of being an elderly person and having so few financial resources of your own that you have to end up in some crappy state funded retirment home death camp

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 15:05

Erm it wasnt twelve grand, I was giving an example. But if it was and some of you are suggesting that i use my holiday money to pay it off (rougly 2k), that would take me 6 yrs. So no holiday for another 6 years?? My eldest Dc would have left home by then!!

Tell you what, my DP isn't even that unreasonable!!

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 09/03/2011 15:05

you sound very selfish....what about your dh?? he clearly doesnt want to go....well,not with you anyway!

why dont you save £60 a month and go alone or with a friend....he has that much monthly for his hobby,you have it for your holiday....

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