To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

[carmenelectra]

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread but my dh would be similarly unenthusiastic about holidays mostly because I don't think he sees going away with the DCs as a holiday , but he would use money as an excuse.
I think the only thing you can do is save the money from your overtime, show him that you have the money and book a last minute deal once you have the hard cash. In the current climate there are bound to be lots of deals around later in the year.
I know part of the fun is booking it early, looking forward to it and buying some nice things for the holidays but most blokes are just not going to get that, especially if you have got into financial trouble previously.
I am very like you, so completely sympathise.

Ummm, yes you should keep chipping away. You got into debt and you have to keep chipping until it is paid off. How irresponsible are you?

Please can i confirm that I am NOT talking about risking anyone's financial security!!!

I am very grateful for mine. I am glad that I have a warm home, food in the fridge and clothes on my bag.

But I'm not doffing my cap like a grateful cockney barrow boy "ow sir oy'm jahst grateful for ver air vat I breave" Sometimes there has to be more to life than work and shit weather.

Week in Spain. Book it. Ignore everyone on here except me.

bupcakes - are you saying that we should all have exactly what we want just because we want it regardless of whether we can afford it ? I'm not sure I understand your point.

What you're really saying is that despite you both having good jobs and overtime payments you haven't managed to get yourselves organised enough to get out of debt and have a little spare cash around you. The problem here is the attitude to debt, not the attitude to holidays. If your DP is like myself and a lot of other people, debt will give him sleepless nights and make him feel very stressed until it's gone. He's not going to enjoy a holiday bought on tick, no matter how sunny the weather is because it'll be preying on his mind that he'll have to come home and pay for it.

well carmen, i totally agree with bramshott I'd start saving then, and once you have the money, book somewhere last minute.

it might remind your how important holidays are, he might of sort of forgotten iyswim.

i agree with you because i'd miss out on new cly=thes, shoes nights outs etc if need be, as holidays are very very important to me.

Yes, I would get rid of debt personally, especially if I was the one who had got our family that extra debt in the first place. And as for saying you won't do overtime if you can't have a holiday...well that is quite selfish I think, you should work to repay your debt.

How much is this debt exactly? If it will take you a few years at a few thousand a year thn it is quite considerable, I'm not surprised your husband feels uncomfortable with it.

Like I said, save as much as you can and then perhaps compromise. Pay half into the loan and then half on a holiday. If that doesn't go far then well so be it.

It must be a huge debt if a couple of grand wouldn't make much of a dent. The last thing I would be thinking about would be a holiday if I had that hanging over me.

OP, yabu. It's petulant and demanding to

what frgr says, much sense.
you must save it up.
bank it first then spend it.
and i've been in ££ trouble, been clear of it for 7 years now thank god.

otherwise you are just playing with the future with high risk of failure. as you've already seen before. and your other half will be lying there on your holiday thinking oh god oh god, i hope we've got enough money for XYZ when we get back. how is that relaxing?

work all that overtime that you say is there, save up the few grand. Then go on holiday. I've been four years without one abroad while we tackle more important needs. Your most important need is to grow some long term financial responsibility and work with your husband on this.

make sure you have a steady pot of cash for broken things etc. it's called a reserve for normal everyday wear, tear and accidents that you should be prepared for. paying for replacements out of general monthly money is just daft. we save 5% of every months pay and dividends and our bonuses go into the saving pot too. really, expect the unexpected, it's also part of financial responsibility.

stop telling yourself only a a holiday will be your treat, your thing. think up something else, be flexible this year. i go singing once a week each term. it costs a grand total of £75 a year. and it is utterly refreshing and we raise charity cash and i know more local people now. last year we stayed in a YHA in norfolk, got crisped a few days, travelled by train, had loads of spending cash and still came in under £450 for four people. stop thinking that only getting this thing or that thing will keep you going in your busy life...if you're overstretched pull in your horns somehow and build in a bit of downtime to each week for yourself.

i really hope you both carry on earning well and that you clear the debt and can properly enjoy your rewards when that is done.

I think she is saying that yes she can afford a holiday without her family having to live on the streets........yes she does have some debt but she IS paying it off slowly but would like to enjoy life a little bit within the next 20 years and she would like a holiday without having to go with SAGA (aka Saggy Arsed Granny Association)

Carmen, am with ya honey.........

YANBU

"bupcakes - are you saying that we should all have exactly what we want just because we want it regardless of whether we can afford it ? I'm not sure I understand your point."

OP says she won't be going to debt. If she has the physical cash to buy a holiday, that is able to afford it in my opinion.

We took money from our house savings to pay for ours and paid it back over three months from our salaries. We didn't get into debt except with ourselves IYSWIM.

BUPCAKES,I can get a good deal.

I always book independtly, know my stuff and am a confident traveller. Dont really do the package stuff as such.

Last minute hols are not that cheap these days.

Oh and those of you who think that i should pay off my consolidation first, can I ask something? Hve none of you got a mortgage, car loan and finance?

Are you seriously suggesting that I should pay off everything(AS SOME KIND OF PUNISHMENT? for ever getting into debt) before I do anything again?

Have you heard of the recession? Your or your DH could lose your job and then where would you be? In debt with 'consolidated' credit (it's still a debt, ya know) and no savings or security. But you will have had a week in the Costa del Sol and that makes it ok? This immature approach to finances - spend it now and sod it later - is pitiful. YABU.

Desperate,EXACTLY.

Nope. No debt. Car was bought out-right. You do have a bit of a strange attitude to money. You did put your question on AIBU.

Ignore them Carmen. Send them a postcard when you get there and tell them what a whale of a time you're having spending your pennies on lurid cocktails/sombreros/inflatable penises for evening strolls down the avenidas.

Since you ask, I don't have any debts other than a mortgage and never have had. I'm happy with a car I can afford to pay for outright and anything else I need I wait until I can afford unless its on interest free credit of course

I'm certainly not unusual, most people don't spend beyond their means.

in this climate,yes.....

I always get a good deal as well - last year we had two weeks in Portugal in a really gorgeous place for under £1500. This year I decided to look at holidaying in the UK - comparable holiday for one week - nearly £2000. And all of you who are wittering about us being selfish wanting 'holidays' - We do not have

Tumble dryer
dishwasher
fitted kitchen
new car
evenings out
etc
etc
A holiday is our one reasonably large purchase per year.

No doubt I will start another ruckus now.....

*financial climate

'Nikki a couple of grand chipping away a consolidation loan isn't gonna make a blind bit of difference. So i could owe ten grand instaed of twelve(for arguments sake). What a bout next year? Or the year after? Shall i just keep chipping away till I am about 60?'

bloody aghast at this. stop magical thinking that somehow umpteen grand are going to drop out of the money tree for you and get chipping.

it's called paying back what you owe. YES KEEP CHIPPING AWAY. i'd be ashamed to owe money and be spending out still.

I don't think we've ever spent £2000 on a holiday. Our honeymoon didn't cost that, including spending money!

ooh bupcakes - where is it that you need an inflatable penis to walk down the avenidas ?