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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why you take your DP to your midwife appointments?

177 replies

wolfhound · 09/03/2011 13:33

Just got back from a midwife appointment and wondered (again) why so many fathers accompany their pregnant partners to (presumably) routine midwife appointments. Not criticising, just wondering. I can see why they want to be at the scans, obviously, but just the routine 'urine sample / blood pressure / heartbeat' check surprises me. Or am I missing something?

OP posts:

GollyHolightly · 09/03/2011 13:35

To be supportive, presumably. I didn't take my dh to many of them, only the scans and the antenatal classes where he could be actively involved.

I did take a fisher price tape recorder with me once so I could record the baby's heart beat for him. The midwife thought it was hilarious and she was very accommodating

TattyDevine · 09/03/2011 13:35

I dont know! I never did either!

I guess its just support, I never seeked that level of support from my husband though. Each to their own I guess!

Pinkjenny · 09/03/2011 13:36

I never did either, dh couldn't and wouldn't have been able to take time off.

But hey, I envy couples that are that close!

TheseThingsAreGoodThings · 09/03/2011 13:37

How do you now that the appointments were routine and there was not some sort of deeper issue going on?

Ciske · 09/03/2011 13:37

DP accompanied me once. We had to wait 2 hours in a hot waiting room on a very warm summer's day. He did enjoy listening to the baby's heartbeat, but never offered to join me again after that!

From this I also learned that making afternoon appointments is a bad idea. I now take the morning ones, when the delays haven't ran up to crazy lengths yet.

DirgeInVegas · 09/03/2011 13:38

My DH wanted to go to antenatal appointments. I think he wanted to feel involved and be supportive. I was quite happy to go alone but I think he felt excited to join in. The midwife ignored him anyway and after the first couple of appointments it really was just check urine, blood pressure, listen to baby, go home so he stopped coming.

I'm not pg with dc2, he hasn't even asked this time.

DirgeInVegas · 09/03/2011 13:38

I'm now pg with dc2. Feck.

BusyMissIzzy · 09/03/2011 13:38

Some people want their partners there for support, some don't. Both partners are parents, why shouldn't they both be there if they want to be?

DamselInDisguise · 09/03/2011 13:38

DH came with me to all of mine. He was interested in me and the baby being OK and also really enjoyed hearing the heart beat. It meant that I had someone to chat to in the waiting room and he also helped me to deal with the really horrible midwife we had to see sometimes.

DramaInPyjamas · 09/03/2011 13:38

I dragged mines along the first time, only because my midwife was a bit of an old bag.
Didn't bother second time.

missorinoco · 09/03/2011 13:38

I was always jealous of people accompanied by their partner. DH didn't even contemplate it.

TattyDevine · 09/03/2011 13:39

My husband would turn up sometimes when they hospitalised me. Mainly to convince me not to exercise my right to discharge myself

Ooopsadaisy · 09/03/2011 13:39

DP never came with me either time.

Do they get paid for that now? Didn't use to.

I don't think he was too interested in the urine aspects of it all anyway tbh.

He did come to the scans though (I think)

RitaMorgan · 09/03/2011 13:40

I'm needle phobic so my DP had to come with me to appointments involving blood tests to assist the midwife

He also came to the booking appointment as he wanted to meet our midwife too (home birth so she was there for the actual birth) and he came to the appointment we had that discussed the details of the home birth so he'd know what was needed, what to do etc.

Isthreetoomany · 09/03/2011 13:41

Didn't take mine much in either pregnancy, mainly just because he was working. But my sister's first pregnancy was a missed miscarriage and when she fell pregnant again she wanted her DP at as many of her appointments as possible, which I think was totally understandable given her anxiety over the pregnancy.

tiredfeet · 09/03/2011 13:44

I gave dh the choice and he decided to come to all of them. He works for himself so no problem taking time off. I think it helped him feel involved and he loved hearing the heartbeat. Plus when I had hyperemesis he was invaluable as I wasn't really paying attention to the midwife, too focussed on trying not to be sick!

TobyLerone · 09/03/2011 13:44

I always just assume they want to be there. Men feel less involved with pregnancy than women do, because their part in creating the baby is already done. My (now ex-) husband came with me to all the appointments he could because he liked to hear the baby's heartbeat.

Also, when I was pregnant with our PFB, I was working full-time in the middle of nowhere (and 10 miles from my doctor's surgery) and we only had one car. The bus service in the daytime was unreliable, so my husband would pick me up from work to go to most of my midwife appointments.

KeepCalmAndCarryOnMNing · 09/03/2011 13:45

DH got paid time off for appointments and came to most of my MW appointments.

I'd had two mc's previously, and he was as keen as I was to know that everything was going ok.

atmywitssend · 09/03/2011 13:46

DH came along to a few mainly to hear the heartbeat. My mum came along too for the same reason - but not with DH.

Original poster

wolfhound · 09/03/2011 13:46

Yes, fair enough. My pregnancies have (so far, touch wood) been very straightforward, and DH would have trouble taking time off so regularly so it has never occurred to me to take him. They generally feel pretty tedious to me. But can see why the situation is different for other people.

OP posts:

BornToFolk · 09/03/2011 13:48

DP came to a couple of the later ones, where we were discussing birth plans etc, and also went I went overdue and things got complicated...
But for the earlier, routine ones I went by myself. Would have been difficult for DP to arrange time off work to come with me and neither of us particularly felt the need.

CradleCrap · 09/03/2011 13:50

When in hospital having DD, I was amazed that the number of DPs behind the cutain while the woman was having a VE. I didn't want my DH there while someone else was poking at my "bits" !

TheSkiingGardener · 09/03/2011 13:50

My DH just assumed he would be coming to all of them, which I thought was great. I scheduled them to make it easy for him to come along and we both loved hearing the heartbeat and guessing where DS had moved to now.

Just the way we are as a couple. Every relationship is different IMO

giantpurplepeopleeater · 09/03/2011 13:51

My DH came to a fair few of mine - but then mine were never just routine and lasted a lot longer than most (very grating when you see others go in and out every 10-15 mins while you have to wait for an age to see a particular midwife, have bloods and results every time and lengthy discussions meaning you are in there for nearly and hour or more every time!!)

Due to a pre-existing condition I was in a high risk category and had to be monitored very closely. Sometimes it helped to have another person there with me to try and make sense of the gobbledygook they were saying. Plus it made DH feel much better to know everytime they said it was going to be fine, and to hear the heartbeat!

noodle69 · 09/03/2011 13:51

My husband came to every appointment, scan and check up when we had our daughter. He was also there for every check once she was born and weigh in. We went together to every one.

We just both were excited and wanted to go. We go to dentists as a whole family to and are all in the room together at the same time so maybe we are strange lol.

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