Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why you take your DP to your midwife appointments?

177 replies

wolfhound · 09/03/2011 13:33

Just got back from a midwife appointment and wondered (again) why so many fathers accompany their pregnant partners to (presumably) routine midwife appointments. Not criticising, just wondering. I can see why they want to be at the scans, obviously, but just the routine 'urine sample / blood pressure / heartbeat' check surprises me. Or am I missing something?

OP posts:
diddl · 09/03/2011 15:34

"It seems a bit OTT and time consuming to go together to everything."

I think if there is a possibiliy of problems, it´s understandable.

But I wonder how husbands would get the time off tbh.

Unwind · 09/03/2011 15:41

My DH never came to any appointments with me - even after it was obvious there were problems and I could be given bad news or wheeled off for a c-section at any time.

We both regret this now. I shouldn't have gone through those appointments alone. If there is a subsequent pregnancy (unlikely) he will come to every appointment. But it would be a high-risk pregnancy, and I would be a nervous wreck.

If you can't see why some expectant mothers might want support from their partners, you've been very lucky

Woodlands · 09/03/2011 15:44

My DH came to my booking-in appointment, to four of the five scans I had (for the fifth I was in hospital abroad after a car accident, he was in the UK) and to one appointment quite late on (maybe 36 weeks or so). I went to the rest on my own. He always asked if I wanted him to take time off and come with me but I never did.

toeragsnotriches · 09/03/2011 15:44

DH never, ever came to mine. I made him come to a couple of ante natal classes so he'd actually know a little about what was going on but that was all until the births. It just never occurred to us I guess. I was the only one there on my own though!

Primafacie · 09/03/2011 15:49

DH never came to any appointment except the scans, which I am perfectly fine with. At my local hospital I suspect a lot of husbands are coming to act as interpreters as there is a large non-British-born clientele.

To those whose DH come, can you perhaps remind them to offer their seats to pregnant women in the waiting area? My hospital is always so busy and often there are no seats left in the waiting area. It drives me mad when I see all these healthy guys sitting while heavily pregnant women on their own are made to stand!

HappyAsIAm · 09/03/2011 15:50

DH came to a couple of mine after I'd had lots of complications in my pregnancy. I was very high risk (baby was fine, it was me that was a problem) and I could have been hospitalised (and later was after a routine appointment) at any time. It was good to ahve him there. he didn't come for many, as I was seen nearly every week, and that would have been a bit much. But I suppose if my appointments had fallen on his day off, he might have come.

I see your point OP, but you don't know the circumstances around pregancies and the couples' history. People who look ok on the surface aren't necessarily.

Ormirian · 09/03/2011 15:51

DH came to all the scans when he could and maybe the very first booking-in appointment. Nothing else. He was at work. No point in both of us have to take time off work. He was there when things threatened to go wrong but not otherwise. No need. Most appointments were dull and routine and I'd rather not have been there if I could have got someone else to go!

Lonnie · 09/03/2011 15:54

My dh came to all of the ones towards the end of my pregnancy with no 3 because there was a concern about babys health. Still something that was dealt with mainly by midwifes but it was 100% something he also wanted to be infroemd about etc.

I do actually think you have assumed a lot here OP Not all pregnancies goes smoothly and at that point support is nice.

With my 4th pregnancy I had that seveere SPD that I wasnt able to drive the car the last month my DH also took me to all appointments then and came in instead of sitting outside in the car. Nothing wrong with the pregnancy simply me being ina lot of pain.

with my friend her and her partner twice had lunch dates after her early appointment and he came along as well..

Many reasons none of them all specifically to do with the appointment..

ShowOfHands · 09/03/2011 15:57

DH came to the ones he could. Because I'd had a miscarriage before and some problems with the pregnancy. He was there to lend some support at a time when I was nervous.

And he didn't take time off. He doesn't work 9-5, he's a copper so works shifts.

At our antenatal department/GPs surgery, men never sit while pregnant women are standing. Receptionists would comment for a start!

coraltoes · 09/03/2011 15:58

My DH has been to all my appts. This isn't just my baby! Just because i'm carrying it doesn't have to mean he can't hear the heart beat and be there in case any bad news is delivered. Infact we had to have a growth scan when i measured 6 weeks too small...I was glad he was there to join me in the pre-scan worry. As for being there during a VE...well he has seen your V hasn't he?! How did the baby get there?! He doesn't have to pop his head down that end...he can just sit up by your head! If he is there for labour i'm sure he'll cope with a simple examination/urine sample/blood test.

coraltoes · 09/03/2011 15:59

I should point out all my appts have been pre-work hours. 8am.

solooovely · 09/03/2011 16:06

er, to be supportive and involved in the whole process?

BornToFolk · 09/03/2011 16:28

It's possible to be supportive and involved without coming to all routine appointments though! Like I say, DP came to a couple of later ones, and the scans of course but neither of us could see the point of him coming to the early ones when they were just measuring me etc.

Having said that though, it was a very uneventful pregnancy (until the end) and we had no concerns about miscarriage or anything like that. I can understand why partners would attend if there were any concerns about the pregnancy.

Not attending all appointments doesn't make you an uncaring partner and father though.

solooovely · 09/03/2011 16:44

This seems like the most pointless thread ever!

NinkyNonker · 09/03/2011 16:45

DH came when around, and to all my later ones. Growth scans, consultant, sweeps etc. But not the routine earlier ones, I wouldn't have minded if he had have done, not.fussed either way.

PicaK · 09/03/2011 17:28

I don't think it's pointless and OP was only wondering not saying they shouldn't come.

I spent every day of my pregnancy waiting to see if we'd lose the baby. (Conceived twins but lost one at 9 weeks). Some weeks I needed DH some weeks I didn't.

Basically it boils down to whether you (plural) want to be there or not for whatever reason - and either way your decision is valid.

Hulababy · 09/03/2011 17:31

DP came to the booking in one because he was asked to. He also came to one of the later ones too so that he got the chance to her our baby's heartbeat for the first time. And when I was feeling unwell he took me too, which was good as they advised I went straight to the hospial EPU and he then able to drive me there with no delay. He came to every appointment at the hospital too as that is when they gave out more specific details that were relevant to both of us.

Original poster
wolfhound · 10/03/2011 09:01

Yes, thanks everyone for sharing their stories, very illuminating. I can see that I have been lucky to have such 'boring' MW appointments so far. Shows more about what MWs do, as well, as there's obviously such a range of antenatal care - I think if you have a straightforward pregnancy, you don't really know all the things that are involved in those that aren't. Handy when you're able to schedule the appointments at a convenient time - mine only has 1 hour visits to the GP surgery in the middle of the day mid-week and everyone has to come in that time whether convenient or not.

OP posts:
DaisyDaresYOU · 10/03/2011 09:12

My dp wanted to be involved in both pregnancys.Plus im a needle phobic and need he's hand to sqeeze.He went to every appointment,he liked making sure are dcs were ok for himself.But with dc1 mw made out dc had downs from a blood test and i'm glad he was there because it really upset me thats probaly why he makes sure he is involved

DaisyDaresYOU · 10/03/2011 09:14

Our not are.Grrr! At my sleep deprived brain

hairylights · 10/03/2011 09:16

When you've had miscarriages like I have you need all the support you can get. It's actually traumatic to go to any medical appointment to donwith pregnancy now ... Because that's where I have heard the bad news on three seoeray occasions.

You saying "presumably routine" speaks volumes. You have no idea.

ethelina · 10/03/2011 09:22

Dh came to the one hospital appointment I had when Boy was breech. He got to see first hand how quickly the clerk could lose my notes (5mins Hmm ) and how long it took to find them (an hour!)

GiddyPickle · 10/03/2011 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WinterLover · 10/03/2011 10:02

I've never asked DP to come to any of mine. They are written on the calendar, it's his choice if he comes. He's been to all of mine, he works for himself so taking time off isn't a problem. I think it's nice when they choose to come rather than being forced :)

hairylights · 10/03/2011 10:11

giddy I'm seriously shocked he couldn't come with you after a MC. :(

Could he not have booked some of his annual leave, or phoned in sick to accompany you when you had a MC?

Swipe left for the next trending thread