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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why you take your DP to your midwife appointments?

177 replies

wolfhound · 09/03/2011 13:33

Just got back from a midwife appointment and wondered (again) why so many fathers accompany their pregnant partners to (presumably) routine midwife appointments. Not criticising, just wondering. I can see why they want to be at the scans, obviously, but just the routine 'urine sample / blood pressure / heartbeat' check surprises me. Or am I missing something?

OP posts:

BlueRuby · 09/03/2011 13:54

My first pregnancy I found out my baby had died at a routine midwife appointment. I was on my own. So during subsequent appointments I always took dh with me.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 09/03/2011 13:57

My DH came to every single appointment both times - would have felt odd if he didnt really. and yes i could have gone on my own, but he wanted to be there, and, well i suppose I'm quite fond of his company and any excuse to be together we will take it

He wasnt paid for it though, cost a fortune in unpaid leave, but was worth it to us

catwhiskers10 · 09/03/2011 14:03

I think it's great when the partner shows an interest.
My DH only came once- mainly so he would have the chance to hear the heartbeat- as he ws working during the rest of my appointments.

bonnymiffy · 09/03/2011 14:10

DH has been to most of them so far (I'm currently 6 months pg) as he is keen and enthusiastic! I've booked them as far as possible for late afternoons in order not to take too much time off work, and he's usually free by then. Actually I'd like to go to the next one on my own...
Surely it's about the DP taking an interest and getting involved, as there is a limit to what he can do!

Original poster

wolfhound · 09/03/2011 14:42

BlueRuby, so sorry to hear what happened to you, hope the subsequent pregnancy(ies) went well.

yes, it's nice to hear how many DPs want to be involved that way. it has never really occurred to us - i think i have been seeing MW appointments a bit like servicing a car, rather than 'about' the baby, for some reason. My DH is not very involved antenatally - he's fab as soon as they pop out though.

OP posts:

Nojusticejustus · 09/03/2011 14:44

DP came to most with our first dd as we had previously lost a baby.

With dd2 I only saw the midwife twice !

BlueRuby · 09/03/2011 14:44

Yes thankfully now have 3 healthy dc :)

Original poster

wolfhound · 09/03/2011 14:46

Lovely, BlueRuby, glad to hear it.

OP posts:

midori1999 · 09/03/2011 14:46

I suppose my appointments aren't really 'routine' as I have a complicated history and only see the consultant, not the midwife, except to have blood pressure etc checked just before each appointment.

My DH insists upon attending each and every one though and although it's lovely of him and he does get paid time off, I do wish he wouldn't, especially as next time it means I have to be at the hospital at 8.30am for my GTT, which at that tim eof day is a 90 minute drive, then drive an hour home again and collect DH for my afternoon consultant's appointment. They do scan me every time and he doesn't want to miss it, which I suppose I understand, but it's every 4 weeks.

It is lovely he takes such an interest in baby though, although he always gets bored holding his hand on my tummy waiting to feel movement, which really annoys me!

mrsSOAK · 09/03/2011 14:46

my DP never came to a mid-wife appointment with me. When I had to go to the hospital for the diabetics checks and scans he came too. We bought an audio heartbeat thing-y (can't recall the right name for it at present!) so we could listen to the heartbeat whenever we wanted too.
He was (and still is) very much involved but he never felt the need to become surgically attached to me because I was pregnant!

NinkyNonker · 09/03/2011 14:47

DH came once towards the end, he was working the other times. It was nice for him to hear the heartbeat (though I did record it on my phone and text it to him when he was abroad...), and I appreicated his being there as I had low amniotic fluid levels and there was discussion about early induction and being signed off work etc.

Flisspaps · 09/03/2011 14:49

I had a fairly standard pregnancy but still wanted to take DH with me.

We are both equal parents to DD, and being there got him a bit more involved. And, also because there was always a chance of finding out something was wrong - if there had been an issue we would much rather have both been there than me being alone and him being stuck in work.

BlueRuby So sad to hear of your loss :(

LittleMumSmall · 09/03/2011 14:50

DH came to 20 week scans and that was it! I didn't mind a bit, found all the waiting really tedious and much rather have just one of us go through it than two.

pommedeterre · 09/03/2011 14:51

I did most appointments/scans all on my tod. DH has a demanding job and so did I. I sat in the waiting room on my blackberry with printed out work all over my lap/the floor.
Always wondered if all the sweet looking couples thought I was a surrogate!

blackeyedsusan · 09/03/2011 14:51

booking because I waas too sick to drive and the first time we heard the heart beat. However, I went to an emergency scan for lack of movements on my own. Fortunately aall was ok and baby woke up during the appointment aand jumped around aall over the place.

DelicateFluffyBunny · 09/03/2011 14:53

My DH came to all mine in all 3 pregnancies.
My DS2 was stillborn so there were a lot of appointments with my DS3 (had daily appointments from week 30) and he was there for each one.
Even in my first pregnancy it didn't occur to us that he wouldn't come.

sungirltan · 09/03/2011 14:58

dh came to most of my appointments. he was extremely irritating and i shan't ask him next time. i wanted him to sit there and hold my hand and listen to the mw but he had to make it about him and answered all the mw questions for me. sigh

but i appreciate that he made the effort to come. he tries hard :-)

PeterAndreForPM · 09/03/2011 15:02

I was pretty glad that my DH was there when I found out at a routine appt that my pregnancy was no longer viable

mumof2teenboys · 09/03/2011 15:06

My ex-h didn't come to any of my appointments, apart from the 17 week scan with our first son.

It didn't occur to us for him to take time off work for routine appointments. Even the booking-in ones were solo!

I don't think that he came to my scans with our youngest son, he certainly wasn't there when I had the GTT.

However, my sons are 21 and 18 now, so I imagine things have changed dramatically since I had them!

therealmrsbeckham · 09/03/2011 15:08

My DP came to every single appointment (routine midwife and hospital) when I was pregnant with DC.

He is a very supportive partner and hands on dad. I couldn't imagine him not wanting to be there.

We are lucky though as he is self employed so could organise his work around all of my appointments. I suspect for a lot of people that's not so easy to do.

Speedbump · 09/03/2011 15:14

My lovely DH has been to almost all my appointments. I don't feel I need him there but he loves it.
We're hoping for a homebirth so it's nice that he's met all of the local midwives and has built a relationship with them as they will be the ones delivering our baby.

I find it very useful having him there because I am SO forgetful and he soaks up all the information and reminds me of what I'm supposed to be doing.

mnistooaddictive · 09/03/2011 15:16

Having had 4 m/c and then a very difficult pg with many episodes of bleeding my DH came to as many midwife appointments as he could. We knew there could be bad news at any time and he wanted to support me. It was his baby too and he wanted to be as big as part of the process as he could especially as we had waited so long for it.

Phlebas · 09/03/2011 15:17

I've never viewed a mw appointment like 'servicing a car' rather it's an opportunity to discover that the baby is dead or that I have developed a potentially life threatening complication. I don't have mw appointments anyway, I see the consultant every 2 weeks with scans on alternate weeks. While I'd sometimes like to have someone to pass the time with while I spend 2-3 hours a week sitting in hospitals (if only to distract me from the horror of what me be to come) dh has only been able to come once so far between work & childcare commitments.

Maybe you are missing something, frankly I'd be grateful to be one of the fortunate ones who don't need extra support.

BeenBeta · 09/03/2011 15:24

I went to pretty much all the scans and the maybe one MW appointment and the visit to the briefing at the hospital to look around the birth suites. DW went on her own to the rest. I never went to an ante natal class.

I was at the one visit by the HV as DW couldnt be there. I remember the HV seeming obviously uncomforable at just me being there. She never came back.

It seems a bit OTT and time consuming to go together to everything.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 09/03/2011 15:32

A very excited man put up a babies heartbeat video on my bookface....a baby which they thought she'd miscarried a few weeks ago.

Nuff said

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