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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have felt so bad at a wedding

228 replies

FlorencesMachine · 07/03/2011 09:57

Ok, I was at a wedding this weekend, and the setting and everything was lovely. However, throughout the wedding, I couldn't help thinking about the size of the bride and it affected every speech, how I felt about the ceremony.

The bride is fair to say, not just a few pounds overweight, but massively obese, possibly morbidly so, and it was all I could think about. She seemed a nice person (I don't know her that well), but I couldn't help think "why is her marrying her?", "does he really love her?"

I know we're all different shapes and sizes, and I'm not Angelina Jolie. I know this is terribly sizeist, and I felt so guilty that her size so dominated my thoughts.

OP posts:
crystalglasses · 07/03/2011 22:06

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe - maybe it says more about me as I'm a larger lady myself

PepsiPopcorn · 07/03/2011 22:42

Most people have faults or things they do too much of. It might be drinking too much, overspending, gossiping too much or judging too much. Many of these are invisible to the casual onlooker. The fact that eating too much has a visible effect doesn't mean that it's any worse a "fault" than any of the other things listed above. What would all of us on here look like if our appearance got worse every time we behaved in a less-than-perfect way?

Mamaz0n · 07/03/2011 22:47

You are a cunt. but sadly i am sure you are not alone.

I am huge, DP is not. I am sure that there are quite a few people who think we make an odd couple and wonder what we are doing together.

but fuck 'em.

Archipeligo · 07/03/2011 22:49

Crikey Mamazon, are you back p*ssed from the pub?

Mamaz0n · 07/03/2011 22:51

err no.

why? should i be?

Archipeligo · 07/03/2011 22:53

You just sounded drunk, that's all, using language like that

Mamaz0n · 07/03/2011 22:54

ahh right. only drunk people swear. gotcha Hmm

Archipeligo · 07/03/2011 22:57

No of course not, sober vulgar people do it as well, being drunk is sometimes a mitigating excuse.

I think the OP has been a bit insensitive, but she didn't tell the bride, and she feels bad about feeling uncomfortable about the presence of the obese. I'm sure a lot of lovely people have similar thoughts all the time

edam · 07/03/2011 22:58

I think the OP has some real hang-ups. Yes, lots of people would notice the bride's size but 'it affected every speech, how I felt about the ceremony'? 'It was all I could think about'? 'Her size dominated my thoughts'? That is not normal. It's the OP who was the oddball at that wedding, not the bride.

Mamaz0n · 07/03/2011 22:59

yup, vulgar. Thats me.

and as for the rest, im pretty sure thats what i said.
she is a cunt but she;s not alone.

Archipeligo · 07/03/2011 23:02

No, she's clearly not alone Mamazon.

Edam, I agree, certainly from the OP, it seems she was thinking about it far too much. I suppose most would have noticed her size, and thought about it for a bit, not all day.

eaglewings · 07/03/2011 23:04

So it is just a few of us who see morbidly O people at weddings, trying to fit into seats etc who think, gosh she is large? In the same way seeing v skinny girls.

What about those who watch biggest loser or other weight loss shows etc?

We may still think, she is pretty, bright, happy, wearing nice clothes etc. The OP I think is just being honest.

We don't say anything in RL, but on here can be honest, admit we may be wrong, but expect a reasoned discussion rather than this name calling?

When people see me they will judge me on something, its life

BeerTricksPotter · 07/03/2011 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MilkNoSugarPlease · 07/03/2011 23:07
Mamaz0n · 07/03/2011 23:08

Exactly Edam. Which is why i no longer allow myself to get het up about what others think of me.

it is very liberating.

Everyone judges. whether they admit it or not. Usually it says more about them than those they are judging. So no reason to get upset by it.

i just accept that they have their own issues and i have better things to worry about.

Gemsy83 · 07/03/2011 23:10

Get a grip Missyklo with your pathethic obsessive weirdigan digs at me as per- im far from diving in like a vulture blah blah blah whatever shit you want to waffle, ive posted my honest opinions just as OP has. Or are people slating fat caaaahhhs the only ones able to do this?

Hatesponge · 07/03/2011 23:12

I find this thread really sad tbh.

I am obese (though I am losing weight - almost 1.5 stone in the last 6 weeks, but still a long way to go). I am also intelligent, witty and attractive. Yet I am always conscious that I will be rejected by men because of my size, and/or that people look at me when I am with a man in disgust, as though to say how on earth could she get someone like that, fat as she is?

And you know all my friends tell me that no-one thinks like that. Clearly that's not true is it?

Archipeligo · 07/03/2011 23:12

I know this is a bit late for a debate, but I don't see how the OP has "issues" if she thinks obesity is a bad thing. Medically, it's a bad thing, and I don't think most men find obesity (not a few extra pounds) very attractive

Gemsy83 · 07/03/2011 23:14

Nobody said shes got issues for thinking obesity is a bad thing did they? Issues for thinking 'how can he love her' obsessing about his wife's size throughout the speeches etc- if anyone doesnt think this shows major issues they belong on the breastfeeding and spooning thread with the other oddballs really...

BeerTricksPotter · 07/03/2011 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/03/2011 23:22

Ok, my mistake.... Some women want to look gorgeous on their wedding day but everyone has the right to look a perfect fright if they want to... better? Hmm

You define yourself how you like, BeerTricksPotter, leave the 'ourselves' out of it though, eh?

GreenEyesandHam · 07/03/2011 23:24

I will admit I've skipped a few pages, but what a sad thread.

Of course we all notice other people's size, but at a wedding...?

I think there is something special about weddings, and the bride and groom, in that it really makes you think about them as people, and as a couple IYSWIM.

I've been to weddings where for instance, I think the grooms a bit of a dork, and the bride is quite nice, but has bad skin and wears too much make up.

But you focus on them, how they look at each other, and how other people view them, and how people talk about them as individuals, and as a pair and....you get all teary, and full of love sniff... and etc etc....

I'm a softy lol.

Gemsy83 · 07/03/2011 23:26

A fat lady may feel she looks as beautiful as any skinny minnie. Who has the right to dictate what 'beautiful' is? Where is the 'you need to be slim/blonde/big busted/small waisted' rule book?

BeerTricksPotter · 07/03/2011 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

merryberry · 07/03/2011 23:30

oh WEDDINGS
and FAT PEOPLE

[where's the 'have brain death' emoticon when i need it]