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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

busy,annoyed sahm

418 replies

lovelymumma · 07/03/2011 00:08

I went to childrens party today.Feel upset that uncle asked @what i did with all my spare time.Uncle is nice,but never had children,and made me feel as if because I am at home and 3 children are in school,I should have all the time in the world.A school day after u drop kids off and before u leave to pick them up gives you 5 and half hours.I probably spend half hour eating having coffee,whilst catching up on e mails or post.an hour walking dogs.An hour doing washing and ironing.Another hour cleaning house and trying to order stuff children need off internet for various activities or catching up on doing garden or clearing stuff out,or putting clothes away.another hour can be spent on shopping or cooking,which usually leaves an hour for trying to decorate our new,old house.I don't see where I'm supposed to have all this spare time.At same party dad who only has children once or twice a week asked me if I worked,and thought I was so lucky not too.aaagh,just having a rant,because they think my life is so perfect,with all this spare time for me!

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IHeartKingThistle · 07/03/2011 00:43

I don't think it's about how much we all have to do OP. You value what you do, so does your husband and presumably so do your kids. Not everyone is going to feel that way.

Plenty of people value the fact that I choose to work. Lots don't. I'm learning to phase that out because I HAVE to be happy with my choices.

Lots and lots of us do everything in the house and work too, with pre-school children. Lots of us would love the opportunity to SAH. You obviously do work hard and no-one has the right to make you feel crap about it, but tbh your day sounds quite nice!

I don't want to be horrible, especially as you're upset about this, but people are going to think this so you have to find a way of it not getting to you so much I suppose.

Original poster
lovelymumma · 07/03/2011 00:47

Yes notamopsa,I do have a big house,and a sister whose coming to stay on tuesday with toddler,so need to clean it all.

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Original poster
lovelymumma · 07/03/2011 00:52

Mines a four bed old farmhouse with a spare room,used as garage and 2 living rooms.Lovely old house,just a lot of work.

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ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 07/03/2011 00:53

I'm a single parent, two children but no dog.

I work 4 days a week and do all the housework, washing, ironing, cooking, shopping, running the boys to football practice and matches, drive them here there and everywhere, take my eldest out to practice his driving (and I have the grey hairs to prove it). I also help my Dad out with his housework as he is waiting for a (second) hip replacement.

The more time you have on your hands then, conversely, the longer it takes to do things. When I was a SAHM I felt there wasn't enough time in the day to do things but looking back I was probably just a bit slack.

Not saying you are slack btw OP, just saying that I was compared to how I am now. Mind you, that could have been partly down to PND.

Original poster
lovelymumma · 07/03/2011 00:54

oh,sounds like showing off now,also computer room,but very old fashioned,so nothing to be envied.80s avacado bathroom aswell!

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NotaMopsa · 07/03/2011 00:55

but day to day - cleaning only what is used cannot be that bad.
three children don't mess up that much or wear that many clothes in the term time
I like a tidy house and only have one child at home now but still fill my day.
When i had three children in school i did do some voluntary work
Each to his own but if it upsets you maybe you don't feel valued?

Original poster
lovelymumma · 07/03/2011 00:57

How come u all up so late,are u bats?,this is v late for me.

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ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 07/03/2011 01:00

I'm going through an insomniac phase at the moment, linked to menopausal symptoms, and that's why I'm up so late.

I'll still have to be up at 7am to get the boys up and off to school and then go into work. Not looking forward to it!

< is not only a bat, but an old bat >

Original poster
lovelymumma · 07/03/2011 01:02

notamopsa,u have to have 3 children to understand amount of washing.3 pe kits,3 swimming kits,5 beds,15 school shirts and rest of uniform,horseriding gear,and i'm not rich horsey type.!,5 workshirts for husband,5 lots of pjs,and the list goes on.
3 children don't mess up that much!The older they get,the quicker they get at spreading their mess around.

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Original poster
lovelymumma · 07/03/2011 01:03

ha ha Shaving!

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Original poster
lovelymumma · 07/03/2011 01:05

sorry,notamop,u have 3,were they girls though.My girls just spread their stuff everywhere.

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Original poster
lovelymumma · 07/03/2011 01:12

well,goodnight,perhaps I'm just not cut out to be a super mum,like the rest of you.wish i was,because the grass is always greener,and staying at home isn't the fairytale you all imagine it is.Wish i could be a supermum too,just not cut out for it,i suppose.By the way have u seen the middle.That mum is so funny,and love the daughter whose always trying to fit in but fails everytime.I'm that girl,ha ha!

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JackyJax · 07/03/2011 02:23

I think there's a parallel universe out there where other mothers don't find all the washing, cleaning, sorting out to be such a big deal.

I have one child at home, one at school and work but only one day a week.

I have very low standards of cleanliness- and they're plumetting even as I type this- but still find it overwhelmingly difficult to get everything done.

For those of you who work, look after elderly parents, bake, chant, do their yoga stretches and jog 5 times a week (where do these ridiculously competent mothers come from? :) )I take my hat off to you. You are seriously amazing.

Have a good day.

Etalb · 07/03/2011 03:59

Op I feel just like you - you are not alone out there. I used to work and I must say being at home with three kids is much harder!!!! Its relentless - ok its my decision but doesn't mean its not hard - you are allowed to feel like this. I hate the attitude of the other posters who say SAHM are lucky and therefore shouldn't moan! If you work you are allowed to moan about your job without anyone saying - "you are lucky to have a job stop moaning" And your uncle may be a great guy but he is a man and he does not have a clue what you do in the day or your feelings of responsibilty that burden you. I have three extremely busy active kids - they just don't stop - one at school!I have no free time at all - sending an email and eating breakfast is not leisuretime it is necessary for daying function. I don't have help - struggle to clean the house, do the washing, shopping, play with kids etc. Those comments re the wonder of modern appliances!!!!! What??? You lot sound like men!!!

coccyx · 07/03/2011 04:11

What you describe sounds like normal life with kids, dog ,hubby.
You don't need to justify what you do with your time.
You enjoy those long dog walks, nothing wrong with that. We don't all feel need to account for every minute of the day

NinkyNonker · 07/03/2011 07:28

I agree with coccyx.

Original poster
lovelymumma · 07/03/2011 07:35

Thanks Etalb and jackyjax,logged in this morning togive up mumsnet for lent and maybe forever as haven't found it very supportive,when I'm having a difficult time,but u made me feel a bit better.

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Original poster
lovelymumma · 07/03/2011 07:37

oh and doggy walks r quite stressful as have rescue dog who doesn't like other dogs and other dog who we took on from relative who won't listen to me.

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peppapighastakenovermylife · 07/03/2011 07:37

What do you do in the evenings then? Most parents who both work do all that you describe in the evenings?

I am not saying it is right or wrong - but do you have it easy from a chores based / tasks need doing in the day angle - then yes. Nothing wrong with that.

pjmama · 07/03/2011 07:38

You sound like me too! You don't have to justify how you spend your time to anyone, don't take it to heart.

rainbowinthesky · 07/03/2011 07:38

I must say that I work full time and do all the stuff that you describe as well as working outisde the home leaving at 7.45am and back at 6.30pm. The difference is the stuff that you do as your "day" is what I would do in my spare time. I also have a dog.

chandellina · 07/03/2011 07:44

Everyone should have conviction about their decisions. There will also be someone to judge them.

But from the vantage of my own decision to work 4 days a week, I have to agree with the "workers" who point out that they have to do that 5.5 hour worth of stuff in the evenings after a full day in the office.

I have no desire to be a SAHM though, so to each her own.

RealityIsKnockedUp · 07/03/2011 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyMummyOfOne · 07/03/2011 07:47

Working mums have to do all that plus their actual job and find time for leisure activities too.

I know very few SAHM mums with school aged children, the odd one I do know sit on various commitees or volunteer.

If you are happy with your choice to stay home and arent reliant on the state then its only your families business so it shouldnt matter to you what other people think.

Original poster
lovelymumma · 07/03/2011 07:48

I spend my evenings helping children with homework,learning stuff they need to learn,ferrying them back and for to different activities,listening to them read,spending time talking with them,clearing up after tea,getting stuff ready for school next day,oh and if not knackered,walking with daughters but usually after 7.30 as attempting to do race for life.

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