busy,annoyed sahm

[lovelymumma]

I went to childrens party today.Feel upset that uncle asked @what i did with all my spare time.Uncle is nice,but never had children,and made me feel as if because I am at home and 3 children are in school,I should have all the time in the world.A school day after u drop kids off and before u leave to pick them up gives you 5 and half hours.I probably spend half hour eating having coffee,whilst catching up on e mails or post.an hour walking dogs.An hour doing washing and ironing.Another hour cleaning house and trying to order stuff children need off internet for various activities or catching up on doing garden or clearing stuff out,or putting clothes away.another hour can be spent on shopping or cooking,which usually leaves an hour for trying to decorate our new,old house.I don't see where I'm supposed to have all this spare time.At same party dad who only has children once or twice a week asked me if I worked,and thought I was so lucky not too.aaagh,just having a rant,because they think my life is so perfect,with all this spare time for me!

OP would love my mum, she is always "so busy". she is 59 does not work, has no kids at home. HOW??? I study full time and have 19mo DD and i would say that i have quite a bit of free time, and am only busy at coursework/exam time and even then....

This is the expedition to buy a stamp mentality SM. My mother does this sort of thing constantly. In her defence though, she is 76.

MY DH has a motorcycle, but there are times when he has the car for a few days cause I feel bad about him riding in rain or sleet and then all hell breaks loose in it! I don't get it!

I'm thinking after 70, it is a bit of an expedition to buy a stamp.

Blueshoes, no SAHM can get away with chaos for long either. It is the road to ruin.

Guilt and stress are two completely separate things. I don't mean guilt when I say stress, and vice versa.

Well, at least now I know my retirement won't be too boring. There'll be stamps to buy.

Indeed and this is part of the OP's predicament.

I'm hoping I'll be able to afford a hover board of whatever they'll have by then.

Haven't read all the posts (obviously - far too many!) but I think OP is quite defensive. If she can afford not to work and chooses not to, then I agree that is a decision for her and her family and it's no-one else's place to criticise that.

Her day doesn't sound that busy, so I think she'd be better to acknowledge she is lucky to have the choice, rather than claiming to be run off her feet.

When I didn't work, I found the days dragged a bit and I didn't like relying on my DH to support me financially, but that was my personal choice to return to work. I don't criticise people who choose not to work (so long as they are supporting themselves), but equally I get a bit cross when SAHM's make comments like "I didn't have children just to hand them over to strangers".

That's true Northeastgirl, "I didn't have children just to hand them over to strangers" - that can be a bit of a below the belt barb to actually articulate that (although can't help what one inwardly believes).

Personally I rarely use it, only when provoked - for example if someone(especially a WOHP) makes a barely concealed value judgement with a sneer "God! - what do you do all day" That makes them fair game imo

Especially when a few weeks in they aren't strangers but people who provide care for your dcs and as so are involved in their upbringing.
QUite different to wondering out onto the high street each work day morning and handing children over to the first person you see.

Well usually SAHMs when provoked will say "I won't to care for my children myself" rather than use the "stranger" line.... if we want to be picky

But most SAHMs wouldn't say that at all if they hadn't had some sneery twunt implying criticism of their choices

I don't get it hmc. If one poster pees you off, you feel justified in hurting all working Mums by posting that?

Don't you think that's pretty bloody mean to any parent whp might have to work to keep body and soul together?

Or do you not really give a shit?

I was explaining to Northeastgirl why she might sometimes hear that remark - namely as a riposte or touché type remark when someone has been insulting to them first? If you read my initial post following hers I said that I consider it a hurtful thing to say and below the belt - but fair game if provoked. If everyone was a bit more mindful of how they approach others there wouldn't be so much conflict.

I quite often don't want to care for dd myself especially when like this am she was stropping about everything and anything and throwing herself on the ground to do it.
I was very happy to take her to nursery!

I suppose my point is, one poster might say they would find being at home boring, and the response is to say, in effect, that working Mothers who use childcare are bad parents.

It just seems such a disproportionate response and will hurt far more women than the one poster it's aimed at.

No axe to grind - I don't use childcare.

I just always assume though, that there are women who have to work and are already feeling nervous about using childcare...the last thing they need is someone conflating their need (not choice) to use childcare with 'leaving with strangers' ergo bad parenting.