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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to phone my ex over something he wrote on DDs FB wall.

201 replies

SmellsLikeTeenStrop · 06/03/2011 21:28

DD1 logged on to FB and noticed that her status update said ''DD1 has a smelly bum''. She didn't write it, couldn't have wrote it because at the time it was posted we were all at my sisters.

DD1 had been at my exes earlier on that day and she said she'd used facebook. She never logs out properly and when I'm logging on to facebook I usually find myself on her page instead of my own so I strongly suspect that my ex when he logged on decided to have a bit of 'fun'.

Well mumsnet jury, would I be unreasonable to phone my ex up, ask him if he has done this and if he has would IBU to tear him another one for embarrassing DD.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 06/03/2011 22:20

Rhinestone, I think the point we are trying to make is that he was probably trying to be funny, and hopefully she will learn a lesson about logging out of her account. If she cant learn that now about FB then it doesnt bode well for her when she is older and needs to bank online etc.

That she took offence is possibly no bad thing, as I say, it might help her to learn a lesson. Saying he is being horrible is an over reaction as I am sure he didnt mean it that way, if he was being mean then there are alot worse things he could have put!

follyfoot · 06/03/2011 22:21

Should add that my DSS's FB had a message announcing his girlfriend was pregnant the other day, followed by many messages of congratulations. I guessed someone had posted on there as him and added my best wishes. He found the whole thing very amusing. Of course she wasnt pregnant.

Blimey, am I creepy? Blush

RevoltingPeasant · 06/03/2011 22:23

Surely there is a massive difference between upset as in 'DAD I can't believe you WROTE that' and as in (in a low voice) 'Mum, Dad said something terrible to me today...'

??

Really not a big deal. And (says the non-parent wisely) I think teen years are an odd time where you must be adjusting to your DC suddenly being a person with bank accounts, FB pages etc. Maybe he just had an awkward moment.

The OP is sensibly not making a drama out of it, don't see why others are...

pigletmania · 06/03/2011 22:37

YABU its tongue in cheek. I know an adult brother and sister who does this on each others FB as a bit of a laugh. You should educate her on logging out properly though.

bupcakesandcunting · 06/03/2011 22:40

Bit ott to have a pop at him. It's a puerile gag, age appropriate, not crude.

I left myself logged in to FB and my mum told my entire network that I wanted to marry Keith Chegwin when I was 6. I didn't have a force-10 over it.

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/03/2011 22:49

4 pages based on an assumption.

The OP states that she doen't even know if he did this.

RevoltingPeasant · 06/03/2011 22:49

bupcakes Grin

My mum posts, er, interesting pictures of her romantic weekends in Paris with her partner. Now that's embarrassing!!

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 06/03/2011 23:10

FRAPE!!

pebbles1972 · 06/03/2011 23:19

What I find 'creepy' is that someone could think it 'creepy' that a dad would joke about a smelly bum....what a warped rationale and rather quite sad :-(

My dad is a huge wind up merchant and if he was computer literate would revel in a joke like that in the OP. Fortunately for me he isn't :o

growingbump2 · 06/03/2011 23:26

I hope most of us can remember being teenage girls, Wink, everything my dad did was mortifying! Not creepy in the slightest, although I thinks she is a bit young to be using FB unsupervised however that is another debate.

backwardpossom · 06/03/2011 23:30

My dad had nicknames for my brother and I. Stinky and Smelly. I was Smelly...

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/03/2011 23:36

What I find most disturbing is not what the dad wrote but what you wrote, OP. You don't get to control the relationship between your daughter and her father. You're no longer part of their arrangement and you need to let go. Talking about 'tearing a new one' is so OTT and makes you sound very unreasonable. Imagine if the situation were reversed and you'd said something that offended your daughter. Would you have calmly accepted your ex ringing you to 'tear you a new one'? Didn't think so.

I'm getting used to MN now and I'm not shocked by the 'leave the twat' crowd anymore although I think anybody who trots out that advice on a default setting has really lost the plot.

HerBeX · 06/03/2011 23:43

Um, think she's already left the twat actually.

It's her ex.

Unsurprisingly. Grin

Breezy1985 · 07/03/2011 00:06

I'm 25 and my mum still does this to me now if i leave myself logged in on her computer, it doesn't bother me and she just does it that often everyone knows its my mum lol

weedle · 07/03/2011 00:15

Ahh everyone I know does this - the best part is figuring out who it was!! In fct you've inspired me to update on behalf of my husband...

Original poster
SmellsLikeTeenStrop · 07/03/2011 00:55

LyingWitch, does the word 'hyperbole' mean anything to you?

OP posts:
cloudydays · 07/03/2011 02:23

I do think some people have been unneccesarily unpleasant to Rhinestone for simply posting an opinion they don't agree with.

I think she is spot on about the inappropriate boundaries and the cruelty inherent in the act of intentionally humiliating your (or anyone else's) 13 year old child.

Joking about smelly bums within the family might be one thing (though farting contests are most definitely not my thing either, and if I had to resort to them for a laugh, I think that would be a strong indication that I was lacking in the sense of humour department), but I think you would have to be either totally thoughtless or a bit of a creep to post that kind of thing for her friends and acquaintances to read.

VajazzHands · 07/03/2011 02:46

This is the rule of FB. Leave yourself logged in and get hijacked. However, "has a smelly bum" is fairly lame though... obviuosly a 'dad' hijack and he hasn't quite got the hang of how it is meant to be totally embarrassing bless him.

Rhinestone · 07/03/2011 02:57

Pebbles - thinking about a 13 year old girl's feelings and boundaries is not a "warped rationale". It's called empathy and respect, something which is clearly lacking in the majority of posters on this thread.

The DD is upset FFS, the OP was angry about it and yet there's a bunch of grown ups saying it's funny and calling anyone who thinks it isn't funny, warped, repressed and lacking in a sense of humour.

Cloudy - thanks! Depressing that those of us who think it's wrong are in the minority.

Buda · 07/03/2011 03:48

Well why does she not just change her status to something like "DD has a smelly Dad" or "DD has a silly Dad"?

Bogeyface · 07/03/2011 09:16

RHinestone, my problem is that you seem to think that the father did it to deliberately humiliate and upset her. I very much doubt that that is the case. He was either playing a joke on her and trying to be funny or teaching her a lesson about internet security. OK so she didnt see the joke but that is between the two of them, as the OP said, she will leave them to it and wanted to be sure which is why she asked. She admitted she didnt know what to think as she is coloured by the fact that he is a twatty ex. I am the same, I struggle to see my ex objectively because if I didnt think he was a wanker then I would still be with him!

13 year old girls are by their very nature, easily upset and uber sensitive, I have one so you can trust me on this! And what the father probably didnt realise is that saying something like that to her in the privacy of their home is one thing, but to say it "in front" of her friends is likely to cause an massive over reaction. Now he knows (or will soon!).

Suggesting that this man is being cruel and deliberately humiliating his daughter is a horrible thing to say!

IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp · 07/03/2011 09:19

I reckon if your DD doesn't like it then this will teach her to logout properly. Maybe her dad has done you both a favour.

EricNorthmansMistress · 07/03/2011 10:18

My brothers and I do this to each other when we are at my parents' house as nobody ever remembers to log out. It's always stuff like 'Eric has a smelly bum' 'DBro2 smells of crap' 'DBro3 eats crap on toast' very immature but it amuses us. If she doesn't like it she should send him a msg saying 'Oi dad I know you were trying to be funny but cut it out' and remember to logout in future! No biggie.

EricNorthmansMistress · 07/03/2011 10:19

I see someone else used the word 'frape' Hmm fucking hate this word but it's a regular teenage facebook occurance. She shouldn't be embarrassed really.

HerBeX · 07/03/2011 10:20

I find it really interesting that so many people don't mind an adult man being so insensitive as to embarrass his DD in public.

If 13 year old girls are such drama queens, why is it OK for sensible, rational adults to wind them up? Why would you want to do that?

Honestly call me a snob, but thank God most of the people I know just wouldn't behave like this. We're adults FFS.

Rhinestone you're spot on.

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