Deep sigh... Roadside 'Tributes'

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Am I very unreasonable to hate them?

We have a road that I travel on quite often, it's locally known as 'Death Valley'. It's been the site of several fatal accidents, namely because people overtake and misjudge the traffic in the opposite direction.

Anyway... some of the lampposts are absolutely festooned with dirty and torn teddies and dead flowers and banners and goodness knows what... until mothers' day, birthday, Christmas or some other memorable day results in even more stuff being added. Some of these accidents happened five years ago or more.

This isn't common all over the UK, just in spots. I've often seen a cross on a verge, with perhaps a small wreath but nothing on the scale of 'Death Valley'.

I drove past one of the 'festooners' today, putting some garish finishing touches to a memorial picture (the size of a dartboard), with fairy lights. She was darting across the road and I think it's a matter of time before she becomes part of the tribute scene.

It goes without saying that I feel dreadfully sad for the bereaved families but WHY exactly, does the accident site have to become an impromptu display of ostentatious grief? I really hate it...

You may hate it but hopefully you'll never find yourself in a position of changing your mind because you feel the need to do it.

Our council removes the flowers once they are dead and rotting. Perhaps you could contact yours and ask them to do the same?

Ok you will probably get totally flamed for this, and you know it. I think that if that's how someone wants to deal with their grief - fine. I think the council should take down the dying tributes sooner though. These tributes are akin to people who have poems printed in the local paper when a member of their family dies. Not my cup of tea but each to their own....

YANBU... loathe impromptu shrines and can't help think that a grubby pile of dead flowers and splattered photographs is not a tribute to anyone.

Far from hating them, I find them a sobering reminder of how precious life is and also a far more effective reminder to drive safely than any speed camera.

Well i will probably get flamed but...YANBU i cant understand why people would want to go back to the place where their loved one was killed, there are graves where they can go and greave/put flowers/remember them at birthdays/xmas etc...

I don't want to judge people for the way they cope with grief and loss, but it is a slightly odd thing. I thought this was basically why we had cemeteries, so relatives could have a 'shrine' and a special place to go and remember and think of the person.

So what if it happened 5 yrs ago, are you really putting a time limit on grief?

And so fucking what if they're garish etc. Its not physically hurting you, let them alone.

I think they're horrible and hazardous - people slow down to look at them (and not in a good way but in a 'I've taken my eyes off the road way').

I've had plenty of family die in restaurants, hospitals, at home, in the street - I've never felt the need to mark the actual spot they died. That's what graves and memorial gardens are for.

People deal with grief in different ways though surely?

I'm finding it hard to see your POV. Have you ever experienced a close loss, OP?

I can't imagine myself leaving roadside tributes, but I'm broad-minded enough to accept that everyone grieves differently, and should be allowed to do so provided they are not harming others. Given the choice between mourning the loss of a loved one and bemoaning a slightly unsightly temporary tribute, I know which I'd prefer.

YABU.

If they're distracting other drivers though, possibly leading to more accidents, then surely that's a problem, and the last thing the grieving relatives would want to cause?

Yanbu, don't like them either.

We have memorial gardens and graveyards to pay our respects to the dead. I'm afraid the shrines simply become eyesores after a while.

A lot of them are removed as they can be a distraction for car drivers..and of course that can cause an accident.

Not keen on them myself, but each to their own. I usually see them up ahead and try to ignore.

Worraliberty... I will never find myself in the position of needing to do this. The person who died is not there and I believe that their spirit is with the people they loved, not the spot their life ended. Why not have a memorial in the family's own gardens?

Peggotty... Perhaps. The local authority would love to remove them, they're an eyesore and it's dangerously distracting on an already risky stretch of road. Newspaper tributes are different, not my cup of tea either, but it's traditional and not encroaching on anybody else.

It's a relatively new phenomenon, probably part of the 'Look at MEEE' culture, which is spreading like a virus.

Fortunately I've never sufferred the loss of a loved one through violent means (e.g. road accident).

I'm not sure what I would do under the circumstances to be honest; I may well be moved to place flowers at the spot where they died. I pray to god I'm never in that position.

I do agree that it can cause problems with drivers rubbernecking the tributes.

Of course there's no time limit on grief, absolutely not. If I lost somebody though, it would be a private loss for me (and the other people who loved that person), not necessary for me to share it with the world.

Please post evidence showing where a road side tribute has caused an accident through driver distraction.

They are so common that they are commonplace if you see what i mean. Hardly a distraction.

And as for becoming eyesores after a while... no more than items around a grave would become worn/faded etc after a while.

I find it really quite arrogant that people feel grieving should be confined to memorial gardens and gravesides.
Why should it?

As I said, what physical harm is it causing?

If it helps someone through such a horrific experience then that has to be the biggest factor.
BUT I really feel for people who live within sight of them: it's awful to have to deal with a road accident near your home, (I've had to do this twice, neither were fatal but it is a horrible experience) and being constantly reminded by a "shrine" would be really upsetting.
I do think that freinds/relatives should try and make sure that they are removed when they can face it, or at least be kept neatly.

roadside tributes are increasing because road deaths are, fuck all to do with "look at meeee" culture" and everything to do with more cars on the roads.

We have several in a short stretch along the local main road. To my knowledge, the council has not forced their removal (one has been there since the 1990s), though it tried to remove the advertising "Strawberries next left" that local market gardeners put up, giving the justification of road safety. Which was strange, because the same council doesn't try to stop the masses of banners for sports classes that are festooned across the fence of the local school/community sports centre (also on the main road) that I personally find very distracting.

"As I said, what physical harm is it causing?"

None. They're just tacky and inapproproate. Graveyards are set aside for the sole purpose of providing a quiet place to remember the dead, place flowers, find peace etc. How is a filthy railing by a noisy, fume-choked dual-carriageway appropriate?

OP people and their way of grieving are very different. You said The person who died is not there and I believe that their spirit is with the people they loved, not the spot their life ended.Why not have a memorial in the family's own gardens?

The answer to that is because they are not you and they don't think and feel the same as you.

With regards to it causing accidents, drivers shouldn't let anything distract them. There are massive advertising boards along our high street but I still expect drivers to be watching the road ahead.

I'm not keen on them either but each to their own.

I think that if you lost somebody in a road accident, that stretch of road, that spot, would always be poignant and sad for you each time you saw it. I personally wouldn't want or need to dramatise the event with a public 'tribute'.

I understand that people feel differently, but I don't understand why they have to make the statement on a public highway. It's unnecessarily mawkish and attention-seeking in my view.

It might not be causing physical harm, but it is causing an eyesore in a public place. That's my objection. Its a ghoulish phenomenom anyway.

We don't build shrines when people die in hospital, or at work, or in an ambulance. We build a shrine where they are laid to rest.

There is a well tended flower bed in the playground of my dd's school in tribute to a 10 year old girl who was killed crossing the road.

So much nicer that dead flowers tied to a lampost.