Deep sigh... Roadside 'Tributes'

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Am I very unreasonable to hate them?

We have a road that I travel on quite often, it's locally known as 'Death Valley'. It's been the site of several fatal accidents, namely because people overtake and misjudge the traffic in the opposite direction.

Anyway... some of the lampposts are absolutely festooned with dirty and torn teddies and dead flowers and banners and goodness knows what... until mothers' day, birthday, Christmas or some other memorable day results in even more stuff being added. Some of these accidents happened five years ago or more.

This isn't common all over the UK, just in spots. I've often seen a cross on a verge, with perhaps a small wreath but nothing on the scale of 'Death Valley'.

I drove past one of the 'festooners' today, putting some garish finishing touches to a memorial picture (the size of a dartboard), with fairy lights. She was darting across the road and I think it's a matter of time before she becomes part of the tribute scene.

It goes without saying that I feel dreadfully sad for the bereaved families but WHY exactly, does the accident site have to become an impromptu display of ostentatious grief? I really hate it...

exoticfruits... Exactly my thoughts. Grief is a private thing for many and there's no shame in not making a public display of it.

There was a fairly recent car accident in which four teenaged girls died, they were driving by a boy who had just passed his test. The families actually invited the media to attend the funerals and you've never seen such a public display of mourning.

A condolence book has also been set up at the actual crash site... why would anybody do that? I thought condolence books were for Heads of State, Royalty, etc. I must be out of touch.

exoticfruits... That's what I'd do too; put a bench or plant a rosebush or something in a place that they person loved.

'but why on earth would I want a horrible stretch of road?'

it is because it is the last place on earth that they saw, the place where they breathed their last breath. It is where they died in their last moments all alone without anyone who loved them to comfort them and tell them how much they were loved. So the family does it now, the family tells the loved one, we are with you, at the spot where you died, our love surrounds you at the spot where you died. You are not alone, we are with you, we will always love you and never forget you and the place where you died.

I hope that no one does that to me claig! I would want them to have a spot that is special to us and I certainly don't want them remembering me at some dreadful stretch of road!!! I can think of at least 3 places that would make sense to the people who love me and they could feel at peace there. I would want them to forget the place I died and remember the places where I was happy!

If they did anything as horrible I would be tempted to haunt them if at all possible!!

Public emotion is fine for those that it helps but some of us are very private and prefer to grieve out of sight.

I worry they will cause more accidents as they are a distraction.

It is not for everyone. Everyone deals with death and grief differently. But who are we to tell other people what is right to feel over the death of a loved one? I would be surprised if amy councillor dared try it. The dead person is gone, it is done by those still living. It comforts them, they feel that they still have a bond with the dead person.

It seems that some councils are planning to do it. They have been branded "heartless" by the families, and I agree.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1244421/Say-flowers-Only-month-grieving-families-told.html

This is what the mother of one victim said

'Who are the council to tell me that I cannot have a memorial at the site where my daughter was killed?
'I am still going up there five years after her death and it is always kept tidy by me, my family or by Carla?s friends.
'I would like to see a permanent memorial to victims in Farnworth but there is no way that I will move Carla?s memorial.'

I agree with her. These faceless bureaucrats will have to end up arresting grieving mothers. I wouldn't put it past some of these bigwigs to try it. But I think they will soon be out of a job, as good newspapers like the Daily Mail take up the story and side with the grieving families.

whoever mentioned statistic. Currently 7 people a day die on Britain's roads. Yes it is the lowest it has ever been but that is still a lot of families being effect by a road death and each will chose if and how to remember their loved ones. There is a plaque that is specifically for road deaths. I havent seen any about in my area. Its a black background with a scarlet anemone (in mythology is associated with love and loss) with the words remember me on.

sorry it was 7 people a day last year it is currently 6

There is a spot we pass on the grass verge of a main road where there is just one, very small, always fresh, bunch of flowers. We've lived here over 25 years & they've been there all that time, it's not a new idea (although admittedly this one isn't a shrine like some). It doesn't make us sad, but it makes us think.

I wouldn't do it but I can understand why people do.

Claig... I understand how you feel about it but what about the council's responsibility to those of us who feel that the public highway is not the place for tributes on the scale they currently are? If anything, they're becoming larger and more elaborate in some areas.

Politicians have a responsibility to everybody and I doubt very much whether anything said by the Daily Mail is ever taken into account.

Shelleylou... I think a plaque is very fitting, it also brings home to whoever sees it just how many road deaths there are in Britain and the fact that there are many names on it must be of comfort to the families in knowing that they are not on their own.

The plaque doesnt have names on it. The statistic is a national one. this website has lots of information on statistics and roadside memorials

The example Verity gives is shocking. I worry that the tributes will become ever more elaborate - the bigger, the more you show you care

I've lost friends in RTAs and I'm not for a moment belittling them. I've lost friends in many different ways and every loss has been painful. But as others have said, there is nothing particularly special about an RTA that makes it more appropriate to leave a memorial at the place of their death than any other way of being killed.

Thank God the people are waking up and protesting. thousands have joined the campaign against the council. Most of these people have probably never protested anything in their lives, never got involved in anything political. But this is a step too far.

www.thisislancashire.co.uk/news/4865289.Support_grows_to_keep_roadside_memorials/?ref=rss

These petty bureaucrats, sitting in their comfy chairs in their plush offices on their huge salaries paid for by the ordinary people, have let power go to their heads. They've got fancy titles, like "Executive member for environmental services", and no doubt fancy salaries to go with it. But the ordinary people are protesting.

I am not against people doing what suits them, but don't expect some of us to do more than cringe.

One thing that everyone could do and it is so easy -TAKE THE WRAPPING OFF THE FLOWERS.

Having shouted I will go!

www.bournemouthecho.co.uk/news/districts/bournemouth/803137.Roadside_memorial_must_go__family_told/ Another one told to remove here.

As mentioned in it, if every single RTA fatality had one, the highways would be littered with them.

I don't know why they keep the wrapping on the flowers. Maybe they think the wrapping will protect teh flowers and make them last longer.

I have no objection to the family of the deceased decorating lamp posts or whatever. If that makes them feel an atom better, then it's none of my business.

What I object to is the hangers-on and griefers muscling in on the whole thing.

A girl was killed near here about a year ago, and the daughter of a friend of mine - who didn't even know her - was photographed by the local paper, putting a bunch of flowers on her shrine and dabbing her eyes

Here is what the father in the Bournemouth cas says

"All the council seems to be concerned about is that we are working on the highways without permission. If we didn't cut the grass back it would be three feet high.

"That's where Debbie took her last breath so it is very important to us. The pain has got worse, not better. It is something we want to do and we feel it might help save other lives by people realising it's there."

But yet again, it is an "executive member for the environment" at the council who doesn't accept this.

If you're wondering why the councils are making this stand it's probably got a lot to do with the fact that some people (not all, by any means), are making the tribute displays more and more elaborate. The example I gave in my OP is of at least 20 teddies, at least 30 bunches of dead or dying flowers (still in dirty cellophane), five or six deflated helium balloons, several banners and a christmas tree. There is now a dartboard with a picture of the deceased on it, surrounded in battery-operated LEDs, there must be some 20ft of it.

Picture the site... it's a busy two lane road, 50mph, a small verge (big enough for a lamppost to be placed but nothing bigger than that). There is so much debris from the tribute that cars are having to swerve around it.

That example is a far cry from flowers and a cross or ghost bike. The next set of bereaved people who want to lay a tribute may choose just flowers and/or a cross - or they may hire a tribute 'planner' and really go to town. It is these people who feel they have to very publicly demonstrate their grief (or slight knowledge) of the person who died, that have given the councils all the ammunition they needed to get rid of the tributes for good.

Some people go too far; their quest for one-upmanship and need for public grief seems to take precedence over everything (and everyone) else. In the example I gave, they are putting more lives at risk on an already bad accident spot.

Takeitonthechins... We have 'professional griefers' here too. It's beneath contempt and must make the families of the deceased so angry and sad at the mockery.

I've often wondered at the people who appear on the news interviews when there's a stabbing or something... they say, "I never knew them but they must have been a lovely person" or somesuch. Sickening, but then I imagine that the genuinely grieved are in not fit state to even want to appear in front of the cameras.

I agree that there should be a limit to the size of memorial. But these "exectives for environmental services" at councils are not talking about limits, they are saying you've got 30 days then get rid of it, no matter how small the tribute is. They want them all removed.

Let's see if the grieving families and the public win out over the "environmental executives" at the council. Let's see what happens when some of the grieving mums refuse to stop laying flowers, let's see if the "environmental executives" take them to court.

Claig... If you actually read the Daily Mail messages on the link you posted you'll see that the vast majority of people really don't like the tributes either.

It's all gone far too far with publicly demonstrated distress being the watchword of the day.

The council has a tree in a park where people can put their messages for loved ones; that's in addition to the cemeteries and gardens of remembrance.

If you actually read the Daily Mail messages on the link you posted you'll see that the vast majority of people really don't like the tributes either

I thought it was against MN religion to give credence to the thought processes of DM readers?

< mutters > that's blasphemy and you will burn in Hell ...