Deep sigh... Roadside 'Tributes'

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Am I very unreasonable to hate them?

We have a road that I travel on quite often, it's locally known as 'Death Valley'. It's been the site of several fatal accidents, namely because people overtake and misjudge the traffic in the opposite direction.

Anyway... some of the lampposts are absolutely festooned with dirty and torn teddies and dead flowers and banners and goodness knows what... until mothers' day, birthday, Christmas or some other memorable day results in even more stuff being added. Some of these accidents happened five years ago or more.

This isn't common all over the UK, just in spots. I've often seen a cross on a verge, with perhaps a small wreath but nothing on the scale of 'Death Valley'.

I drove past one of the 'festooners' today, putting some garish finishing touches to a memorial picture (the size of a dartboard), with fairy lights. She was darting across the road and I think it's a matter of time before she becomes part of the tribute scene.

It goes without saying that I feel dreadfully sad for the bereaved families but WHY exactly, does the accident site have to become an impromptu display of ostentatious grief? I really hate it...

As the person's life was concerned it's a random bit of road. I doubt that bit of road had any significance for them whilst they were alive. When I die I hope my relative won't choose the place I died as somewhere to remember me but some of the places I loved when I was living. Why is where you died more significant if you die on a road than if you die in a hospital?
Traffic and road legislation do mean people tell other people where they can place flowers. people die on motorways but flower tributes aren't allowed there.

thefirstMrsDeVere - Cotswolds (near Cheltenham).

Thanks. I only ask because it sounded like someone I know but its the wrong area

mrsdv - I hope you don't mind me asking, but would the planting of a tree or some bulbs (or both) have been helpful to you?

OP, YANBU - your thoughts here are key to my own opinion, I think - "I agree that people have the right to grieve as they wish. I don't agree that people have the right to project that grief wherever and howsoever they choose when it encroaches past their own property?.there are public places that people can use to demonstrate their love for deceased persons. I don't believe that the public highway is that place."

SpringchickenGoldBrass and Fellatio similarly, echoing the thinking that the "trappings of death and bereavement" can't be everywhere, otherwise we'd be inundated.

Omirian yes. Although I didnt lose my DD in an RTA (incase that isnt clear to anyone reading).

Anything that is sincere and meaningful. Anything that shows she is remembered. I aske my mum to ask about a bench looking over Woolocombe Bay because she loved it there. My mum doesnt seem to have got round to it and that hurts me more than I can say here. Its not important enough for her to do it. I dont have a grave for my DD,she is at home with me. There is a beautiful Victorian angel in the City of London Cemetary. A wonderful couple who lost their DD raised funds and got permission to have it dedicated to all lost children. I visit there sometimes and it gives me comfort. It means so much that it is there.

I have a laminated photo of my DD in my car, on one of those peg, holder things. It is fading, her face is disappearing. Like a ghost. Thats how it feels. She is fading from everyone's memory apart from mine, like that photo and she will completely disappear one day.

That is why people do things that dont seem quite right or sane. The terrible fear that their children will somehow be wiped from history, cease to be or ever to have been.

I would love a tree or some bulbs or a whole hosptial wing dedicated to my DD . Just something to prove that she matters and she was here.

MrsDeVere, I wish I could give you a hug or something .

I've never lost a child, and though I'm not wild about roadside tributes I think the rights of grieving people to choose the way they grieve override my thoughts on them.

Sorry, I did assume it was an RTA .

Try the Woodland Trust, they plant trees and you can dedicate them. That's a memorial that will last a long long time.

Mrs DeVere - 3 of my workmates are now on the register, after I was telling them about your DD, when you posted for her birthday, and I can start giving blood again in 8 weeks time.

It was your DD alone that prompted these people and myself to get off our arses.

Your Daughter matters big time! xx

MrsDeVere - I contribute to a grove of trees with this organisation - Trees for Life

We have a dedication to those who have lost and add a couple of trees a year. One day I will go and see the grove but in the meantime, I'm glad to know it's there

It makes me slow down, isn't that the point really?

I agree with Lauriefairycakes that graves are there for that reason but those people probably do that as well. When visiting the cemetery you can always spot a few graves festooned with wind chimes, pictures, scarves, balloons, teddies, ornaments, plastic flowers, candles etc. I would hate to live next to a roadside memorial, as it does look a mess when everything gets grimy.

YANBU but grief can drive people mental and if it helps, let them.

Mrs DeVere, I am truly sorry for your loss, just looked at your pics, she was beautiful.