Deep sigh... Roadside 'Tributes'

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Am I very unreasonable to hate them?

We have a road that I travel on quite often, it's locally known as 'Death Valley'. It's been the site of several fatal accidents, namely because people overtake and misjudge the traffic in the opposite direction.

Anyway... some of the lampposts are absolutely festooned with dirty and torn teddies and dead flowers and banners and goodness knows what... until mothers' day, birthday, Christmas or some other memorable day results in even more stuff being added. Some of these accidents happened five years ago or more.

This isn't common all over the UK, just in spots. I've often seen a cross on a verge, with perhaps a small wreath but nothing on the scale of 'Death Valley'.

I drove past one of the 'festooners' today, putting some garish finishing touches to a memorial picture (the size of a dartboard), with fairy lights. She was darting across the road and I think it's a matter of time before she becomes part of the tribute scene.

It goes without saying that I feel dreadfully sad for the bereaved families but WHY exactly, does the accident site have to become an impromptu display of ostentatious grief? I really hate it...

Witch, they're not ghouls, they're just people who feel differently to you

Gemsy... I don't agree that a ghost bike, placed on the road, for every cyclist would be effective. If there are too many, people would stop seeing them and the message would be lost somehow.

I don't have a problem with roadside tributes per se, some of them are small and really touching, they're beautifully kept and non-intrusive. The ones I take issue with are the ones as described in the OP.

I've also questioned my views from this discussion, I often do that, there are so many points of view to think of that I might not have considered before.

Claig... Again, we'll have to agree to differ. I think tabloid journalists are absolute scum, that's based on my own experiences and obviously other people will feel differently.

I agree about many of the tabloid journalists. I remember hearing a programme about Dunblane, and the journalists were disgusting in my opinion, and it wasn't just the tabloid ones.

similar things happened with the intrusive journalism, with its lack of respect, in the Derek Bird case

The sad thing is, Claig, it's supply and demand. The 'journalists' write what will sell papers. What does that say about society? :(

Not to be offensive but their right to display their grief>your annoyance

I hope yu never find yourself in that sit,

No,the journalists choose what to write. They create the environment. Sometimes they all agree not to tell us things, and we are all none the wiser. Other times they decide what they will tell us.

Gem: "anyone dying is important not just cyclists". Nobody is saying their dead are more important than anyone else's; what a bizarre way to twist a memorial tribute. They are saying "my dead loved one is important to me".

I think what Gem meant (I could be wrong, fuzzled brain with cold) that people seemed to think that the Ghost Cycles were ok whereas the other tributes were not.

It did strike me as a bit odd if I am honest. I know I could get flamed for this but could it be because the cycle tributes are middle class?

They are almost seen as art but the supermarket flowers and cheap teddies are seen as tat.

I dont see the difference myself because it is not what they look like that counts.

Again, to be clear, I do think that they need to be maintained, I do think that some people go over the top and they tend NOT to be close to the deceased - I dont like this at all. But on balance I do not think they are a big enough problem to have to deny bereaved families what they get from them.

I don't mind what form the memorials take - I am ok with them.

Heroine I found your last comment really offensive.

The way the journos acted after Dunblane was appalling. I remember it very clearly as my DD was nearly of school age at the time.

I do not beleive their actions were driven by the public. I remember being disgusted that GMTV were up there just sort of hanging around. Everytime you saw a report you could see loads of tv crews milling about in the background.

We didnt need to know the details of what that man did to those children. It was enough that we knew he did it.

I do not think most of us would be up in arms if reporting went back to being factual and sensitive. It might take a while for the 'they dont care because its not on 24/7' to wear off.

When we look at it properly the amount of coverage given to an event doesnt = how much the media cares. It = how much milage they can get out of it.

I realise I am stating the bleedin obvious but I do have a rotten cold and my brain really isnt working properly

We could spray paint some shit trainers and jogging bottoms white to signify 'working class pedestrian' or perhaps a shruken version of a modded corsa or pug painted white if chav driver. Also perhaps a cider bottle with a teat painted white to represent an underclass family?

What is so midle class about a bike anyway? I remember when factories used to have scores and scores of bike racks for the workers...

Bikes arent middle class Heroine. The Ghost Bike movement is. Nothing wrong with that but it seems to make it more acceptable.

If you are really intersted in my opinion and not just being a twat.

Agree with MrsDeVere - I hate the detailed accounts of tragic circumstances - I feel it's very insensitive to the families of the person who died and to the memory of that person, especially when it's horrible circumstances. The way they covered Meredith Kercher's murder was sickening - her family didn't need that.

We had a situation recently in our town where a 16 years old girl suffered massive head injuries after being hit by a car. She was on life support, which I think was turned off after about 48 hours. But once word got out that she was technically brain dead, and on a ventilator, other teenagers who knew her set up a tribute FB page saying RIP to this girl - BEFORE THE MACHINE WAS TURNED OFF and before her poor parents had even had a chance to come to terms with the inevitability of it, or announce her death publically for themselves - in their own time.

I know the kids thought they meant well, but I couldn't help feeling appalled at that stupid lack of sensitivity. It was as thought their needs to be the first ones 'in the know' about her condition, and the mawkish excitement of it all over-rode her family's rights to have even a tiny bit of vain hope that she might live.

FellatioNelson... That really is very sad and how tragic for her family. :(

I realise that people are now perhaps less constrained in the way they deal with feelings and grief, and maybe that's a good thing, but to behave in the way you've described is a dreadful insult to the family.

There are too many people who, having no familial relationship with the deceased or the bereaved, take on a grieving role when a quiet, dignified sympathy would be more fitting and more sensitive to the family.

The kind of hysteric excitement you mention really sickens me, it's so commonplace now. :(

A total stranger once made a tribute video for my DD on Youtube. She did it becaue she was a fan of my neice and thought somehow that made it ok. I was incredibly upset by it. It was made worse because the video was the very opposite of what DD would have liked. All shots of sepia roses and tearful puppies.

Stupid woman.

Well if ever there was any question that some people just don't know how to behave appropriately when families are grieving, the posts from family members here really illustrate the need for dignity and restraint.

That's awful, MrsDeVere and so completely unnecessary. :(

MrsDeVere - a fan of your niece? Is your niece famous then? (sorry, seems inappropriate to ask that on this thread but I don't really understand the comment!)

But yes, I understand how that made you angry and upset. The thing about Youtube and Facebook is that it gives otherwise unconnected (or only loosely connected) people a chance to have their own moment of attention and glory by dressing it up as grieving for someone, whereas, as LyingWitch said, quiet dignified sympathy gets them no personal attention whatsoever.

I'm sure the families do find some comfort from mass displays of condolence from the wider community, in the weeks and months after a bereavement, but we need to be extremely careful about how/why people are motivated to do this, so that the family's very real pain and grief is not hijacked by a public display of ostentatious mourning.

Hate them. If someone dies in a hospital or at home you don't put a wreath at their place of death. Why do it if they die on a road? Really hate it when the flowers are left wrapped in cellophane so several days later there's a mess of smelly rotting flowers and tatty plastic.
It's focussing too much on the person's death and not enough on their life. Find somewhere that was special to them to put the flowers etc, not a random bit of road.

Its hardly a 'random' bit of road is it Rebecca? Its where the person died so perhaps the opposite of random. Its not for you to tell someone how to remember their loved one either.

Fellatio yes she is. It was the most bizarre experience and made me very angry. The woman who made the video lives on the other side of the world, never met my DD, doesnt know anything about her (hence the shit video). Was most put out when I told her to take the thing off. I started off very polite but had to tell her to fuck off after a few emails. Stupid bint.

A boy a couple of school years below me was killed on his motorbike. His parents (with the council's permission) planted daffodils on the verges, so every spring something beautiful grows in memory of their son.

Where was that jeee? South East?