To send my 13 yr old to bed for 9:00pm?

[MittzyBittzyTeenyWeeny]

To settle a debate between 'but Muuuuuuuuuuuum, no one else goes to be at that time' and me being a good mummy with loving concern for his health and wellbeing

My dd is 12 and is in bed for 9.30 on school nights.

That gives her time after school to have dinner, some time out from school either to herself or an activity (ie Scouts) and also to get a bit of homework done.

It also means she has a later bedtime than her siblings (who are in bed for 8.30). This seemed important to her: that she wasn't packed off to bed at the same time as them even though she's older.

When I was 13 I was allowed to stay up till 10-11. I had to be up at 6:15 for my paper-round, and it was my responsibility to make sure I stuck to that.

YABU, I think, though different people need different amounts of sleep.

Does nobody have children who go out in the evenings anymore?

When I was a teen, we never stayed in. We were always round at someones house, or sitting chatting in the park.

The issue was always more about what time I had to be home.

It really depends on the child and how tired they are - both mentally and physically...

At 13 and 14 it is anywhere between 8.00 and 9.00 in our house - depending on whether they've finished h/w or been to any number of different sporting training nights. However, they have always been to bed much earlier than their peers and it's not a dirty word "BED". In fact they will quite often take themselves off to bed much earlier if they're tired.

Mind you, they need to get up at around 6.15 during the week.

I really don't know what time my 14 yo goes to bed because I usually go to bed before her at about 9 (15-30 mins reading before lights out). I gave up trying to stay awake longer than my DC about 5 years ago.

Who cares what his friends do? He can always tell them he goes to bed at 1am or whatever. If he needs the sleep, and it sounds like he does, then YADefNBU. Stick to your guns. Having enought sleep is so important.

I have never let my dd go out after school tbh, unless it is to an organised club (she does that one night a week). I don't really want her wandering the streets or even sitting in someone elses house in the evening.

I feel that it's an inposition, for a family to have to have a bunch of giggling girls in your house, when possibly you've been at work all day and are looking forward to a relaxing evening. I certainly wouldn't want it, so I wouldn't expect anyone else to do it.

Her school work is very important and imho, if she works hard during the week, she has all weekend to do as she pleases and have fun, without worrying about having to come home early to do homework.

DS who are 14 and 11 go to bed after the 10 o'clock news on weekdays.

They usually get home at about 9.00 from scouts, explorers, and youth club and so on. They have a bit of supper, sit with us to watch a bit of tv, catach up with the news and bed.

Weekends I'm not really bothered what time they go to bed ( within reason) as long as we haven't got an early start next day.

We are quite relaxed but if on occasion they look tired they get sent up a bit sooner.

It's nice being with them in one room and chatting and watching the same stuff together tbh. DH doesn't normally get hime from work until 8 - 8.30 so he wants to catch up with them about their day and check homework and see how they are.

I think it's too early - or maybe my children are just busier than some. With the odd film, sports activity etc and homework, they'd never get any chilling time.

I'm also a bit dubious about this adult only time after 9. Seems a bit selfish to me - or maybe I'm just jealous! OK some children need all this sleep but if you have kids you need to take on board the fact they grow up and adult time can't happen in the same way. No TVs in rooms allowed here but watched Skins with my kids last night (14, 15 and 17) - leads to interesting discussions. They need to grow up before they go off to university. They're all achieving really highly at school btw.

My 13 year old was at clubs such as gymnastics, cadets, trampolining 4 nights a week that didn't finish until 9.30 - came out about 9.40, home at 9.50, snack drink in bed for 10, everything off at 10.30. Up for school at 6.45.

Made up for it at weekends.

9pm possibly early, but if not getting up in morning YANBU, that was condition in our house, if you don't get up in morning, clubs will stop.

To be fair, me, DH and DD are all usually in from work/school by 3.30, we sit and eat together and watch a bit of TV and chat and she disappears up at 9pm. That's 6 hours of family time per night! I think that's plenty thanks!

Just to add when mine where babies I totally got adult time and looked forward to them going to bed.

But now they are 14 and 11 we enjoy htere company, talk about stuff, help with homework, watch films together and discuss what's going on in the world and I like it and know it's not going to last for ever.

As long as they get up in the morning that's fine

Saying that a bomb couldn't get youngest up even if he went to bed at tea time while the other is up at 6.30 even if he goes to bed at midnight! (don't know where he gets that from -it's not from me or DH!!)

We have a balance generally of family 'interaction', doing homework together, banter and stuff.

And if am honest the constant flow of other people's children probably winds it all up a little but so by 9.00 I am ready for some peace and quiet ..(there are loose 'reasons' why I am so flexible about the volume of teen traffic through the house most nights)

And yes, if he got up easily I might not take any notice. I thought about getting a gong , but that's a different thread! (how do you get them up?)

He is quite good at 'deals' so i could agree to a later bedtime if he gets up better and have a trial.

It really doesn't matter what anyone else's kids are doing does it?! He's a pain in the bum in the mornings so he would be in bed, lights out at 9 if he lived here! End of. Once he starts getting up without all of the hassle then a slightly later bedtime could be negotiated.

my 13 year old comes in at 8.30pm and is in bed by 9.15pm weekdays

I enjoy my kids company, but beyond 9pm on a work night I want peace and quiet!!

At the weekend and in holidays bedtime occurs whenever they are tired..so it's more like 10/11 o'clock. But on school/work nights early to bed and early to rise makes us all happy, healthy and wise

Now I think a person is either a naturally early riser or not. Me DH and DS2 aren't but DS1 is.

(Not sure about the healthy, wealthy and wise bit tbh!!)

Sorry ......... Happy! I was brought up with healthy!

Agree with upahill. I am an early-to-bedder - very rarely up after 10 unless out. The DC are 13 and 11, and are in bed by 9 (so DH and I have some time alone together)but can reasd f r1/2 hour. definitely no TV or computers etc after 9!

my DS is 11, and usually goes to bed around 8 - 8.15 and reads until 9, but is much later on Scouts night when he doesn't get in until 9.30.

He bounces out of bed at 6 am without any calling from us, so I think a later bedtime will slowly be introduced, particularly when he starts secondary school and has more homework to do.

I think 9 does sound quite early for a 13 yo, but if mornings are difficult then the early bed seems to be needed.

I know in winter generally there isn't a lot he can do to wear himself out but I did ask myself if he went to bed later then he would be properly tired and sleep better and therefore be easier to get up.... or is that just being too hopeful?

He doesn't hear my 'voice' or alarms and has to be shaken quite vigorously but it takes loads of going in.. I start off a smiley Mum trying to start the day in a loving and pleasant manner but wind up gritting my teeth and having to stand there until his feet are a/on the floor and b/ he isn't standing near his chair or he will just slump back down and fall asleep again

We do have a lovely banterish way of dealing with life mostly really.

It is really helpful though and actually interesting to see the 'divide' between night owls and early birds..

Thank you

Doctor Richard Ferber's Book 'How to Solve your Child's Sleep Problems' has answers to everything to do with sleep from birth to 18! Beg, borrow or steal a copy from someone or somewhere.....it is very good on teenage 'getting up' isshooos issues.

Laurie

What is adult programmer?! Sounds very rude! As does 'adult time'

Fnar fnar...

I think that's far too early. I was usually out with friends at that age, home by 10pm bed by 10.30 weekdays or choose my own bedtime at weekends.

3 years time and he may well decide to move out and live alone remember!

DS1 age 14 and a half goes to bed at 9.00 on school nights