To send my 13 yr old to bed for 9:00pm?

[MittzyBittzyTeenyWeeny]

To settle a debate between 'but Muuuuuuuuuuuum, no one else goes to be at that time' and me being a good mummy with loving concern for his health and wellbeing

10.30 I have to confess most school nights he'd be up later than me at that! Tonight being an exception as I mulling something over.

10pm for my 13 yr old....same at weekends

My 7 year old goes to bed at 8!

In 3 years this boy could sod off and get married and have children.

You NEED to reassess his bedtime, because I suspect he's right, and no one else his age goes to bed at the watershed!

I dont get home til 7pm most nights so there is no way I would want mine going to bed before 9pm otherwise I would hardly see them.

However DS1 is still up now, sorting out his bag etc for school....sigh. With luck he will be in bed shortly.

Both Ds's (14 & 12)have just gone to bed about 20 mins ago.

I usually aim to have them in bed and lights out by 10.30, If i dont tell them it's time for bed then they wont go and will stay up until i actually say it's time.
But i somtimes forget that they are still up ...They spend most of thier time in thier rooms and are really quiet so forget that they are there. Which is great most of the time

DD is 7 and will go to bed when she is tired could be anywhere between 7.30 and 9.30pm

None of them have trouble getting up in the mornings so am fine with this

My 14 year old goes in her room about 8-9 and has to be asleep with light off by 10 at the latest, TV off by 9 unless she asks. I think anywhere between 9-10 is OK.

Well, re the morning thing, he is appalling to get up. And aside from the rights and wrongs of what time he goes to bed, he is quite nasty tempered in the morning if he is up much later.

Weirdly they get very little homework, so it doesn't actually eat into that much of his time after school at the moment. From getting home at 4.00 most of his time is free (no more than 3 hrs homework a week total)

He has friends at our house practically every night that he is here (at his Dad's usually on a Thurs evening and Sat night). They can turn up at 4.30 and stay till 8.30.

I know on going to bed at 9.00 he reads a bit and texts, I struggle at the moment to stay up later and feel wrong to go to bed when he is still up, but can be really exhausted by 9.30 generally. (health problems)

I see it is actually going to have to be rethought out somehow though.

My nearly DS is 9- he is in bed (light off) 8.30 school night, 9.30 weekends and holidays.

Sometimes he seems tired so he is sent up 30 mins earlier- (easier at this age I know! He doesn't look at the clock just says how long until I have to go to bed)

I remember being 13- I was sent to my room usually 9.30 ish on school nights and it was up to me when I put my light off. BIG but- in those days there was nothing to stay awake for no internet, TV that was actually interesting etc.

If MSN and facebook had existed in the 80 s I would have been up all night.

There is also the question of 'adult time'- DH and I love to watch TV that is unsuitable for kids- ooer- I mean horror films/thrillers etc and actually have a proper chat. I will have this to contend with in a few years when DS is asking me the same. Maybe send him up later (9.45?) but not allow laptop/phone? At some point soon he has to learn- it may take him feeling dreadful for a few days until he is sensible. Good luck- I'll be back in 4 years time asking you for advice when i have a 13 yr old!!

At my posh boarding school we went to bed at 9.15pm at age 13, 9.30pm at age 14, 9.45pm at age 15, 10pm at age 16 and 10.30pm in the lower sixth form and 11pm in the upper sixth form.

My parents paid over £12,000 a year for this brilliant scheme!! So it must've been correct.

No YANBU, you know your son and how much sleep he needs. I used to be in bed by 9 at that age, and then as I got older my bedtime gradually disappeared as I learned that how much sleep I got was my responsibility. I had some trouble sleeping when I was a bit older though (14/15), and I found that I slept much better when my parents let me stay up and do my own thing (within reason) til I was ready to sleep rather than lie in bed stressing about it, so if he doesn't sleep that is something to bear in mind.

I used to love having me time. I'd generally get that after 11 when my children were teenagers, just needed an hour to wind down.

Don't feel guilty for wanting some you time, you could go to bed early and leave him up in his bed, what of it, doesn't make you a bad mother.

Goodness, our 13yr old DD doesn't even finish air cadets until 9.30 twice a week!

So long as she is in the house and quiet I am happy.

I think the thing is you know your kids, some need more sleep than others. I am amazed at the amount at school who complain that they can't be bothered, can't concentrate etc and when pushed admit it's because they are tired. I refuse to answer any work related e-mails from pupils after 9pm for that very reason. If they are getting up ok, getting to school on time and doing as well as they are able then I think you're ok, if not then you need to help them get more sleep.

My kids are 14, 13, nearly 12 and 7. They are in bed by 9 on a school night. The 13 and 14 year old need to be up at half 6 for school. I need to be up at 6 as does MrA.

We (the grown ups) are in bed by half ten at the latest, and we like a bit of grown up of time/peace on a work night.

They are all sparko by half nine, so it works well in our house.

I think this is an age where individual differences become very apparent. My 14yo goes to bed at 9 on a school day, but then she is somebody who needs a fair bit of sleep. I didn't go to bed at anything like so early when I was that age, but then I didn't need it. I don't expect ds will need a 9 o'clock bedtime when he gets to 13 either.

What I do think is that this is an age where negotiations need to start. And where parents need to be aware that this precious adult time concept is on the way out: it's going to be harder to insist on when you have an almost grown-up 17+yo in the house. What you can insist on is that their behaviour should be mature enough that you don't need adult time in the same way.

Ds1 (15) goes up at 9 on a schoolday, sometimes 9.30, lights out at 10. Weekends are different, he often stays up later.

He used to moan that 'no-one else goes to bed as early' as him but now realises that he needs the sleep so doesn't complain.

But if he goes out to a friends /tennis/ whatever the rule is that he is home by 9. Still in bed with lights out by 10 though.

My DD is 12 next month and sometimes gets sent up at 7pm. I normally shout up that lights and tv are to be turned off at 8.30pm. She has always gone to bed at 7ish as she needs the sleep and will get up anytime from 6.30-7.15am
Weekends she goes to bed 9pm the latest and lights off by 9.30
7yr old DD has the same rules but can still be going strong at midnight yelling and running about (special needs)

Until I left school I had to be in for 8.30 and in bed by 9!

9.00 on a school night is fine for a 13 year old.I might let mine stay up till 9.30 when they are a little older

my dd (12) is snet to bed at 9pm and allowed to read for half an hour.

weekends she can stay up until I go to bed (normally between 10 - 11)

I have to wake her every school morning so there is no way that she is staying up any later than that! Weekends she doesn't get up until anout 10am

ds2 is 14 and he has to be in bed by 9pm school nights can read for a while till 9.30 but he often is asleep befor ethen and takes himself to bed for about 8.30 if wants to read a while.

flexiable in school holidays weekends but he is often asleep by 9.30 10pm even then .

He is a morning perosn though .Ds1 17 well i just tell him to turn the lights out when he goes to bed and dont wake me up by being noisy
but even he i expect in by 10.30 on weekends and 9.30 on collage night

I suppose for me it would depend on what time he has to wake up and what he has to do in the morning. My two young teenagers don't do any morning activities and are lucky enough to have an eight minute walk to school, so they can get up relatively late compared to other kids who have swimming practice or somesuch and/or an hour's complicated journey to school.

So their bedtime is 10pm.

If one or both of them is clearly knackered or grumpy or rude, then I'll ask them to go up earlier.

They catch up any any extra sleep needed at weekends.