To send my 13 yr old to bed for 9:00pm?

[MittzyBittzyTeenyWeeny]

To settle a debate between 'but Muuuuuuuuuuuum, no one else goes to be at that time' and me being a good mummy with loving concern for his health and wellbeing

You don't want her too riled up before bed though, Shiney. That sounds a tad irresponsible to me.

Depends which section, tbh. I'd stay away from Ezekiel just before bedtime- it's quite stimulating.

Hilarious!

DD can do that! And Phil Collins!

When I clicked on the end of this thread I feared your DD had found your secret LP collection, shiney.

DS and DD get £5 a week but DS gets his phone paid for on top of that.

That is subject to fines and penalties but can also be increased by various exceptional behaviour.

DS has gone to his room, of his own choice, and yes, I am enjoying the quietness and stillness. They and their friends have been in and out all day, we have been to the park, chatted, bantered, eaten together, all bathed and showered, done homeowrk read, exercised and I have fitted in a fair bit of housework.

I can neither see them, nor hear them

i never actually said let them decide what time they go to bed what i suggested was something a bit more fairer talk to you son or daughter and meet in the middle. obviously they cant be sitting up late to yawn time as it will affect their school work and behaviour. if you respect your pre teen you may get that respect bag rather than saying you will do as your told when you are told. this could make your teen frustrated. xxx

I think that's probably it, in a nutshell Natalie.

I'm happy to negotiate if she wishes - as long as she remembers that I'm in charge and what I says goes! JOKE!!

spidookly you have back tracked a bit,we have all been saying that if we gave our kids a choice it would invariably be a later bedtime than was good for them so when you say that of course you would intervene if it was too late are you not in agreement?
I am sure there have been studies in sleep or lack of it affecting school preformance,i will have a look.I know there was one in us where they allowed teen boys an extra 2hrs in bed and it improved their grades massively.
I also cant see why it is acceptable to dictate a young childs bed time for the purpose of them getting adequate rest and sleep but not a teenager,where do you draw the line? They all mature emotionally and physically at very different ages,do you suddenly let all the boundaries go at say 12 which imo would make them feel very anxious and out of control.Some 12 yr olds are still fairly immature and still pre puberty and yet in my job i also sew pregnant 12 yr olds who look about 15.
Children all need rules and boundaries at all ages its been proven over and over.

obviously i dont SEW pg teens

Though it would be an interesting line in dolls if you did sew them.

Obviously as children get older bedtimes become less strict or non-negotiable, but you still have a general rule of what's acceptable. DS1's lights out is 10 at the latest on a school night, but often he's awake after that. He needs to be able to concentrate at school, and I know that whatever time he goes up to his room, he's going to bounce around for 30 mins or so. So it makes sense for him to go up around 9.30 so he has some chance of getting to sleep before 10.30.

I find the idea that some posters here seem to have that at the magic age of 13 you become a teenager, which makes you grown up, very odd. There's a mahoosive difference between a just turned 13 year old and an 18 year old, both of whom are teenagers.

"you have back tracked a bit,we have all been saying that if we gave our kids a choice it would invariably be a later bedtime than was good for them so when you say that of course you would intervene if it was too late are you not in agreement?"

No, not at all.

Giving someone a choice and guiding them to make a good choice is not the same as taking the choice away from them.

Obviously.

"I find the idea that some posters here seem to have that at the magic age of 13 you become a teenager, which makes you grown up, very odd."

I don't think that. I came onto this thread for a laugh because I expect mocking of the idea that someone who has been in secondary school for several years should still have a bedtime.

I would have thought bedtimes would be phased out by the time you were 11 or 12.

:o

PMSL at a 12 year old freaking out because they get to choose the time they go to bed.

If a child is that fragile, then probably best you make all their decision for them, because they'll never be robust enough to move out and start their own life.

My nearly 13 yr old goes up at 8pm, lights out at 8.30pm. He is woken up at 7am.

When DSC stay, he ends up staying up til 10pm as DP is not as strict as I am and DS shares a room with them.

If I was still on my own with DS, he would probably go up at 8.30pm and lights out at 9pm.

I too get cries of "it's not fair" but seeing as he can't get out of bed in the morning, I'm not prepared to compromise and I know he needs the sleep and I need the adult time.

A 13 year old hasn't been at secondary school for several years; they've been there at the most for 2 years if they turn 13 in August.

I don't think you can know many 13 year olds if you think they're all mature enough to make decisions about what they eat, when they go to bed, how much time they spend playing computer games and Facebooking etc.

I must admit for nearly 30 years I have worked with young people and you get to tell the ones that don't have much structure in their lives including bedtimes.
I have been with kids in the morning and they are shagged out. Not in 'I've only just got up way' but pasty skin, bags under eyes and so on. When chatting and asking what time they went to bed it is always after 1.00am and I say something flipin heck that's late is that your normal time the answer is invariably yes and their parents don't care what time they go or they are playing on the computer in their bedroom until stipid o'clock.

The point is not that 13 year olds shouldn't have structure, it's that the structure should, in part, be coming from them.

I performed exceptionally well at school because my teacher father raised me to be independent and organise my own time.

You can love your children and still allow them to make basic choices about their lives.

It's sad that so few of you haven't the wit to see that helping your teenager to be independent isn't the same as not giving a shit.

Oh give it up Spidookly!