To send my 13 yr old to bed for 9:00pm?

[MittzyBittzyTeenyWeeny]

To settle a debate between 'but Muuuuuuuuuuuum, no one else goes to be at that time' and me being a good mummy with loving concern for his health and wellbeing

i love the way bedtime is being dictated or decided at all based on what is on the tele? does everyone watch tv most nights? .

No Pavlov, I often knit/paint and play online scrabble.

mittzy wasn't think of you specifically, just many many of the posters here talk about the reason for their children's bedtime being due to tv related issues, or how their tv is disrupted with teenagers wanting to watch different things to them etc. It is all about tv for so many people. But good to hear you do other things!

I had an 8pm bedtime aged 13!

My dcs are 9 and 6. I am a student and work so study in the evening, they will not be staying up later than 9 for quite some time. They currently go to bed at 8ish, but DS (9) often reads for at least an hour. I go to bed at about 9.30 - 10 most nights anyway!

I don't think 9 is unreasonable at all, especially during the week.

I don't watch TV. I endure it.

That's after I've spent an evening cooking, washing up, hearing DS2 read, doing housework, prepping for work the next day and doing coursework.

I do hope my evening activities are worthy enough for you pavlov.

My 14 year old goes to bed at 10.30pm weekdays but often finds it difficult to get to sleep so can still be wide awake at midnight. Fortunately he doesn't need to get up until 7.45am as we live close to the school.

My 17 year old (Sixth Form) self regulates his betime, but usually says goodnight at about 11pm and then farts around until about 11.30pm.

Goldenbear..so my evidence as an actual parent of teens and of the experience of their friends is less valid than the 'every friend' you cite?

I had a regular bedtime as a teen and didn't rebel etc... what a load of fatuous bollocks.

alistron1, you gave an example of a child you know of going to bed at 2am as they are allowed to dictate their own bedtime. I don't think one example validates the point that you should choose a teenagers' bedtime.

Your decision regarding your teenagers bedtime seems entirely motivated by the mindless tv, chat they inflict upon you. This is therefore nothing to do with their best interests and all to do with yours. Shouldn't you be trying to install some sense of consideration for others if this is the case so that they mature into adults people want to be around?

Just nipped back for a read and a question occurred to me,if it has already been answered i apologise but here goes...do those of you with young children send them to bed at an early hour or are they too allowed to stay up maraulding around playing with noisy toys,climbing on you,spilling drinks and demanding snacks and stories or do you put them to bed and breath a sigh of relief for some precious you time? Let me tell you as the mum of a 26 yr old and a 5wk old that it makes no difference when they are older,you still feel it.honestly.

I've already said that both my children are in bed by 7, but I don't expect that to last as they get older.

I'm already thinking of stretching DD1's bedtime to 7.30 as the evening get longer and letting her have a little stay up with us on her own at weekends. I like when she goes to bed, but that's not the only consideration in figuring out her bedtime.

I think it's time too to start letting her get herself up at weekends. Up until now I've got her up at 7 because that's when she needs to be up at weekdays and I felt she needed to stick to the routine or she'd struggle in the week. She's getting more flexible now and I think it's time to let her decide for herself when she rises when there's nowhere to be.

I don't let my 9 and 6 yr olds play/mess about (although they often take it upon themselves) but instead, take them up quietly between 6:30 and 7pm, bath if needed, story then into bed. If they want, they can listen to music quietl/story cd/read for about 15 mins but then it's lay down time.

However, then it all kicks off; coming down for a drink (yes, I give her one to take up), DS coming down coz he's scared of ghosts, dd coming down coz she feels ill, ds coming down because he wants me to go and lie with him whilst he drifts off and so it goes on......

I'm then knackered and so when they finally sleep (on average 10pm), I stay downstairs until about midnight, then read in bed until almost one, just to give myself some relaxing time. Then next day - I'm shattered!

oh and if I let them lie in at the weekend, they inevitably go to sleep even later that night!

Also alistron1, yes your 14 year old maybe studying for her GCSEs but so are many others alongside her and so many others have done before her. They are good practice for the stamina and hardwork needed to continue your studies at 'A' level and possibly degree level. Both of which sometimes require you to work beyond 9 pm if the work you produce is just not good enough! I'd rather my teenager developed a critical awareness regarding the quality of their work than a self deception that made them believe that a regulated specified number of hours a night on homework ending with a set bedtime will guarantee them sucess at school!

Goldenbear stop cherry picking, you missed the bits where I mentioned the fact that they have to be out of the house by 7:15am to get buses, have very busy days, have to balance heavy work loads (are at grammar schools doing GCSE's) social lives and are full of hormones.

See, I wouldn't stand for that vintage. Guess I am lucky that mine have never done it (they are now nearly 14 and 11). At 9 & 6 they should be old enough to know bed is bed and not mess about time.

Letting your teenager decide when to go to bed doesn't imply a lack of parental involvement in the decision.

Obviously a 13 year old shouldn't be up until 2am (although as a bad sleeper until my late teens I sometimes was, but I did OK on little sleep) and of course their parents should have words and put a stop to it.

It's not like if you give a teenager choices you have to just sit back and ignore what they choose. I would have thought it was a constant process of negotiation*.

There's no way I would have been let stay up until 2am every night. My Dad's a teacher, and very big on not being too tired for school. But still I felt I decided when to go to bed. I think by 11pm or midnight we all went to bed.

Had I been acting the maggot with going to bed there would have been a "conversation" about how I needed to get my shit together. But it would have been recognised as my shit.

*rows

goldenbear "They are good practice for the stamina and hardwork needed to continue your studies at 'A' level and possibly degree level. Both of which sometimes require you to work beyond 9 pm if the work you produce is just not good enough!"

I'm sure when my kids are 16+ that they'll be fine, thanks for the concern!!

BTW, do you have teenage/grown up kids?

alistron1 no I don't, I have a 3 year old and one due next week.

Shiney, you need to tell T she is bloody lucky to get £25 - DS1 who is nearly 14 only gets £20

OMG - Pocket money for what shineon - jewellery, booze and fags!! That's a hell of a lot.

I don't spend that amount on myself!

My 12 and 14 year olds go up to bed at 8 and are allowed electrical things on til 9 when its all dark and quiet - they have to get up at 6.30 on school mornings to catch the bus - neither of them moan as they appreciate they need their sleep - at the weekends they often stay up later than me. As a teacher I am often appalled at the times my class go to bed and can certainly tell by their concentration/sensitivity in class. I taught one family where you could barely get a response til morning break on a Monday as it took that long for them to recover from hideously late nights every weekend.

Yeh keep justifying it Shiney your perfect.

Oh shit - now I'm in trouble. DD gets £50 a month!

I do have her cleaning the toilet with her toothbrush though, so I think it's fair!

Well, dd has packed up her cross-stitch early and headed up- my evening stretches before me...