to really hate going to toddler groups?

[MogadoredMemoo]

Am I some kind of freak because I can't stand them?

I Find it really hard to strike up conversations with other parents. I get all PFB over DD when anyone else's child snatches or pushes (even though she is actually my precious third born). The noise levels hurt my ears and I'm always the one who ends up sat doing the gluing with 10 other kids whilst their parents sit in the corner talking and drinking tea. By the time I get home I feel like I need 5 valium and a bottle of whisky

it totally depends on the group, I've been to a few that were cliquey and boring and horrid but have found a handful I really like and am now a vaguely familiar face. Yes it's boring in the beginning when you know nobody and if you do talk it's the usual crap about you precious children, but then it was like that when I first met my now very close mum friends, it takes time.

DS doesn't go to nursery as when I go get work it never covers the cost of childcare so it's the only interaction he gets with other children and gradually he's recognising other children too, means I have 1.5 hours of not having to turn on cbeebies think of some amazing activity to do with him at home. When my mum looks after him she goes to toddler groups with him too and because she's much more sociable than I am she's made friends she now meets up with WITHOUT DS!

I like the groups I go to, but they were both recommended to me by people that had tried several.

I forced myself to go so that I would get to know the other mums whose children DD would be at nursery with.

However, people used it to meet up with their NCT group and so it was a difficult break into such cliques. I stopped going.

I found it much easier to make friends at a structured activity like a music class.

Mine used to be lovely. I have been going regularly for about 3.5yrs.
Joined the committee because it was such an important part of our lives.
Now it has all gone tits up and I am having to walk away when I had planned to continue for at least another year with DS.
Be careful who else is on the committee because it is one of those, who turned nasty on me.

Toddler groups are something I will not miss about those early years.

On one occasion, on our second visit to the place, the elderly lady who ran it came over and escorted us to the quiet room where the more 'boisterous' children can play away from the main group. Then se left us all alone in one small room for 30 mins.

(DS is being assessed for ASD at the moment, we had no idea then - he is also adopted and social workers were still involved as it was before we had our adoption order. They were telling me, take him out to socialise and equally saying have lots of one to one DS needs to focus on you )

I didn't go back.

It was hard enough being a new parent to a 'boisterous' 17 month old, but being segregated when we attempted to socialise, was horrendous. The lady running it told me not to come back apparently DS would suit something more 'high energy'.

Interestingly enough he responds best these days when his energy is restricted, of course he needs to expell energy sometimes but when it is crazy and unfocused that's when he melts down.

Anyway, if I had been more confident, and my child had fitted the mould we may have found it a more positive experience. Que sera

I don't know what you groups you lot are going to but we have a lovely one here, everyone really friendly, and kids generally well behaved. I think these groups can be a life saver especially if your new to a place or are just desperate to get out of the house and talk to another grown up!! Oh and there's always chocolate biscuits for the mums! ( I'm easily pleased !)

There's one I've been to a bit which ds loves - loads of new toys and lots of space! But most of the parents only talk to their child, or want to talk to other mums who speak their language, which I can't. They're perfectly pleasant, just it's boring for me when ds hares off to play by himself and I've read all the books now!

And there's no tea or drinks allowed.

Am going to try a new one tomorrow, where a couple friends sometimes go. There's a soft play place not too far which is great as long as there's not a birthday party on - the kids are fine but come with 1-2 adults each, all desperate to take photos, and get in the way of everyone and tread on my toddler!

Chocolate biscuits!

You could try something like a Steiner parent and child group or playgroup. We have one and is just a few families so seems much kind of gentler. Is not expensive, had a nice craft, singing, snack...it can vary though it is on different days and some can get a bit strict interms of all must be organic etc ...others more laid back. If you get similar people it can be fun...

We have cakes every week at ours.

I started going to a toddler group when ds1 was little and never really felt we fitted in as it was a small village, small clique.
Fifteen years later, different town but this time with my daughter, we never really fitted in to the toddler group as others found her sn hard to cope with.

There is no way in hell I would go to a toddler group with ds2 as I'm now 50 and older than some of the grannies. He attends a nursery and is happy there but the clique mentality of some of the parents has never changed in my 28 years of child rearing.

Many of the other posts show that it seems to be similar nationwide.

no tea! Good Lord. People bring home baking on a regular basis, and someone always refills the biscuit tin.

The thing is, people do go to catch up with friends, so it is natural that they have things to say to each other - as long as they make a bit of an effort, I'd be fairly contented to rub along and wait to see what common ground you have. Currently there's lots of speculation as to whether our local pub will re-open, which covers most people.

Only one of the ones that I've been to allowed hot drinks which I felt a bit nervous about, so didn't go back.

Horses for courses, I guess.

I'm so glad I'm not alone. I've actually explained to someone this week that I'm stepping away from the cliquey behaviour because I'm really offended by being excluded.

I would agree some are brilliant some not so much.

Sometimes I find its better to go to a group where
its more activity centered,like baby massage,kindergym,music group etc,where your more focused on the activity than sitting drinking coffee.

You can still chat to the other mums if you want to,but its less awkward if no one really strikes up conversation.

Not all toddler groups are equal IMO. I co-ordinate a toddler group that some families come from across the city to attend. Some of my best friendships have been formed at same group.

We allow hot drinks (the idea of a toddler group without tea and coffee is a bit strange IMO. But we do make sure the pot cools a bit before serving and have hot drinks rules that the parents/carers must adhere to). We have never had a burnt child in 40 years - but we are vigilent.

Well risking a slating here, i actually run a toddler group and have done so for 15 years now. I love my little group, we're popular probably because i make sure everyone mingles, i won't have any cliques here, i've been to many myself where not a bloody soul spoke to me. We're friendly and we have a good laugh.
its a wealthy area so we have a few hoity toitys that mix in with us council lot and they don't expect to be treated any differently, which as just as well because they won't be!
I don't want this group to close which is why when my kids are both now at secondary school i still run it.
Pehaps i'm lucky in that the majority are good friendly people, but it makes me happy when i see new people making friends.
Now if we were talking about the school gates, get me a noose!

We go to a couple of different groups and the people are generally pretty friendly. Its good that we get out to mix a bit and she has access to a load of othertoys and can do messy artwork not in my house. I am happy because I get coffee and toast.

Our toddler group serves soup and beans on toast for lunch!!! And as many pink wafer biscuits as you like...and 'proper' filter coffee.

we get tea, coffee, hot chocolate and usually biscuits or home-made cakes at one; and the children all get water and fresh fruit too.
Our less structured one, there is a tea room for people to make themselves a cuppa if they need to but it's rarely used, we tend to just bring our own cold drinks.
The difference is there are volunteer helpers at the first playgroup and not at the second but they're both great in different ways.

Just went to different toddler group and met some nice people, so will try going back there.

Still in a children's centre so no drinks/food allowed. The other groups I know of are all on days I work and seem strongly affiliated with the churches they're in.

Ours is in a children's centre and you are allowed to bring a healthy snack and your own drinks whether cold or hot in a flask.

Tilly.

Yours sound good. I wish my local one was like that.