to really hate going to toddler groups?

[MogadoredMemoo]

Am I some kind of freak because I can't stand them?

I Find it really hard to strike up conversations with other parents. I get all PFB over DD when anyone else's child snatches or pushes (even though she is actually my precious third born). The noise levels hurt my ears and I'm always the one who ends up sat doing the gluing with 10 other kids whilst their parents sit in the corner talking and drinking tea. By the time I get home I feel like I need 5 valium and a bottle of whisky

Risingstar- I LOVE toddler groups. (Nothing better than sitting on my fat arse etc), but your alternative versions of the songs are just too damn good for them not to be utilised! Can I borrow them?

But why do you worry that for some children it may have been the best they got?

Do you have concrete evidence of this or are you simply judging 'different' to be 'automatically inferior'?

mummy2aisha - what if the toddler gets lots of interaction at home and actually the stuff at toddler group is not paritularly stimulating?

I bake with mine, read to her and do art and crafts at home. I don't work, so I am there pretty much all day and every day. I take her swimming and to soft play

So maybe I went to toddler group so that I could chat to other adults as I feel isolated at times. However the one I went to had a few dirty, uncompleted toys in the middle. Not much to interest my dd.

I wouldn't sit down all the time and never interact/step in when needed e.g. snotty nose, pushing etc. But a toddler group is not necessarily the place to teach your child new and wonderful things when they get that at home and through other experiences. For some it is a chance to make friends

They certainly make full time work more appealing...

Can't get over how many parents just chat and ignore what their kid is up to.

Watched one Dad today spend the whole time texting - he had no idea what his kid was up to...

I can't believe the strength of hatred aimed at toddler groups!

I love the one DD (2.8) and I go to, run by the local children's centre because:

DD loves it.

She gets to play with all sorts of things we don't have at home - the toys are all really good condition and interesting.

It costs £1.

They always have a lovely activity perfectly pitched to the children (potato stamping, salt dough, making lanterns etc etc).

They do brilliant messy play I'd never think of (gloopy stuff, pudding rice in a bowl, big tub of cornflakes, lentils and things to pour them with) - DD loves it.

It's in a small-ish room and they limit the numbers, so it's always really calm and quiet (even with a bunch of toddlers!) and no real opportunity for tearing around.

They have a lovely singing session at the end, sometimes with nice things like parachute games.

The one member of staff and volunteers are really welcoming and remember people's names etc.

There are hardly any chairs so the parents and carers have to sit on the (carpeted) floor interacting with their children.

Horray for children's centres and their lovely staff, I say!

DH took DD to a much less nice group a while ago - seemed to be about 80% childminders who literally just sat at one end of the community centre while their charges wandered aimlessly about. Rubbishy toys and not much for the children to do. DH brought along his guitar for a bit and did song time at the end but all the other carers completely ignored him and continued chatting, leaving him to supervise the song time and all the toddlers, rather than sitting with the children and joining in. And then always said how wonderful it was that he brought his guitar. DH and DD stopped going after a bit.

Actually he's now found another group run by a different children's centre which is wonderful like the one I go to. There seems to be a children's-centre-related pattern here...

So I agree with the "shop around" theory!

OMG wigeon! The childminders at the groups I go to are appalling. I don't think I've ever seen a single one interact or talk with their charge/charges.
I guess its a good way to assess the local childminders should you ever need one! Of course my DC's childminder who goes to this group is outstandingly excellent (and was before I started using her so I know its not for show IFYSWIM!)
Generally I enjoy going to the groups and even if I don't strike up conversations at new ones, mums will usually warm to you and vice versa!

I take my dd to a softplay which is basically a huge gymnasium with some soft mats and lots of soft blocks and balls etc. I spend some of the time interacting with her, building towers and playing catch. I may steal some time (with one eye on her) to send a text or chat to another mum.

Because please forgive me for taking five minutes to myself when I know I can . Don't judge because I am a sahm with no support from my own family and not a huge amount of friends who stay at home. I give a lot to my children, which I don't begrudge at all. But if I know some snooty mum is judging me for not interacting with my kid every second, then that may explain why I avoid toddler groups.

I love ours, I go to childrens centre one which is much like widgeon described.
I'm surprised how many people seem to strongly hate toddler groups on this thread, but then some groups are quite crap so maybe that's why
I've met a lot of local mums through ours which is nice when all your friends are atleast a bus away if not other side of London, i get bored if stuck at home (so do dcs) and is a pain to have to be travelling so much to meet up with people

"Can't get over how many parents just chat and ignore what their kid is up to."

This is also what toddler groups are there for, give mums/dads a chance to speak with another adult they are not married to for a bit while their child/children are playing in a safe environment. Toddler group are not just there for children to play with mummy exactly like at home they are there to learn free play, sharing, dealing with different children ...

I agree gorionine, groups have always made me feel a bit more sane because I can have some time out whilst still keeping an eye on my LOs.
For a long time I was going to 3 groups a week because I felt I needed to. Staying at home all day every day would have driven me crazy!

I only have experience of one (baby and) toddler group and it was an absolute godsend. Lovely lovely volunteer ladies made you a cup of coffee and got toys out for the kids. Oh the bliss of drinking a cup of coffee from start to finish!

There was always a bit of a stampede for the little tikes car but other than that it was pretty low-key. I made some good friends there and they continue to be friends to me and my children - a great social support network in our dormitory town where many of us are not near our extended families.

Snap CDM. I started my own for this very reason (felt isolated) DD4 is due to start school in september and I will carry on running it even though I will have no child there because there is a real need for parents to have a place to meet and relax.

YANBU I hated them too and managed to go about 3 times. I don't like soft play areas either. Thankfully DS was happy with parks, character building walks and petting farms. We always managed to find one with a nice cafe and top cakes too :)

Thats brilliant gorionine. I'm in awe of you!
My DS starts school this september so it will be a very different experience taking DD aged 3 to the groups.

On her own I mean!
I guess it will be nicer in that I will only have one to worry about and think, Where the hell are they?! (usually inside the climbing frame!)

i love them generally made loads of good friends that way but I will happily accost anyone

I find the one o'clock club terrifying. There, I've said it. There's a large group of women who hog the children's chairs and talk about their labour interminably. One thanked the staff the other day for putting out a new train set. Her DS had been lying in it for two hours, gradually breaking every single piece of it. But hey, he was quiet.

The thing is, I like talking to people but I also like my DS and I'm fairly sure the nice lady who's asking me about teething isn't about to put paint in her hair or get pushed over by a demon three-year-old.

good lord, I think mummytoaisha must be one of those "helicopter" parents that never leaves their child alone for a minute to explore their own independence, hmm?

It is a necessary part of the experience, IMO, to allow your DC to go off and do their thing - whilst also keeping a weather eye out for them - and leaving you to have an adult chat with other adults.

Ignoring your child completely is of course Another Matter Entirely (and I too have seen the texting-Dad-ignoring-his-child - but that was at Tumbletots, where parents ARE expected to help their child around the equipment - I admit I did give him a Very dirty look as I helped his son onto the seesaw with mine - he was sitting 5 feet away) - but I have only (so far) come across one mum who did that, and she was absolutely shattered from day to day looking after her ADHD 4yo. Thankfully she was at the bigger outdoor playgroup, and as I previously said, most mums looked out for most kids, so nothing ever got out of hand.

Don't be so quick to judge - helicopter parenting isn't ideal either.

What's blindingly obvious is that some toddler groups are great and some are shit. So if you have had a lousy time at the one you went to, try a different one if you possibly can.

I don't think that it's bad to sit on my undeniably fat arse at a playgroup but I do think if you find them dull and you don't enjoy any of the adult company there, it can be more fun to watch your child playing with other kids.

I go to Gymboree in a very posh area. I do not live in a posh area. The group is made up of people who live in the posh area who all seem to know eachother since childhood and talk about the local community etc in a way that I just can't connect with.

However, I do get a kick out of watching ds. He is unbelievably excited by the extremely dull, repetitive activities, shrieking and whooping with delight. I also love to watch him navigate through the social challenges of being a toddler - the look on his face when someone snatches something, watching how he chooses to handle it, the look on his face when he snatches something and it's not so well received. I think he is unbearably cute but I also think other kids are quite cute/funny which helps, even when they are being in a strop and pouting at ds.

It's an hour where he can't mess up my house and where we're not spending a load of time staring at the same four walls.

I can't imagine ever crying because the other mums are a bit snot-nosed (metaphorically) and look at ds's often grubby supermarket-bought clothes in clearly disdainful ways. We're just different. I'm not a particularly self-confident person but I just don't see the point in worrying about people I have no interest in developing friendships with.

Hated them and stopped going. I went to more structured gym and swim classes instead where there were activities for the toddlers and the mums were expected to do them with them and not just sit around, a teacher directing things, and none of the yakking together/ignoring of the children/de facto election of one of the mums to take care of everyone else's children. There was always time for chat after the session was over, and I made some good friends and so did the DCs; we connected because of having similar temperament and similar ideas about raising children rather than by being thrown together in a haphazard way. The library story time was lovely too.

OP YANBU....but there are some good ones!

I used to hate taking DD, found it clicky & she used to get trampled & snotted on! Started going to another group and found it clicky but it was clean! Stuck with it & now we both enjoy going & I have actually made some new mummy friends!

Also it is at the pre-school that DD is going to go to & I feel alot more relaxed about her going (starting in May) as it is a familiar place to her & she knows some of the staff. I think it pays to 'shop around'!

What about men? DH will be a SAHD soon. I think he will need to be able to join some groups and activities but all your chat on here suggests it's always only women at these events? Do men go? Will they feel uncomfortable?

My DH goes to our village toddler group every week. I used to go and he kept it up after I returned to work.

He's usually the only man there but not always.

I mean he takes DS, he doesn't go on his own just for the fun of it