to really hate going to toddler groups?

[MogadoredMemoo]

Am I some kind of freak because I can't stand them?

I Find it really hard to strike up conversations with other parents. I get all PFB over DD when anyone else's child snatches or pushes (even though she is actually my precious third born). The noise levels hurt my ears and I'm always the one who ends up sat doing the gluing with 10 other kids whilst their parents sit in the corner talking and drinking tea. By the time I get home I feel like I need 5 valium and a bottle of whisky

sobbing my heart out

All this crap about being purposefully ignored by other mums. I can honestly say that I have never experienced that in my life. I have, however, experienced going to a toddler group and no one going out of there way to speak to me. So what? They could be too busy keeping an eye on their child/catching up with friends/shy and awkward themselves.

Just because someone hasn't gone out of their way to make you feel welcome, does not necessarily mean they are thinking ill of you.

@MogadoredMemoo, the first time I went to my local one, it felt a bit hellish, because it was winter and very full, and seemed incredibly noisy compared to our home! Even though I went with a friend who was a long time attendee previously with her now older kids, I still found it a bit cliquey. When I went a lot later on my own, and DS was old enough to enjoy mixing with other kids, it felt much nicer. Didn't seem as crowded and managed to find a few other parents to chat to.
I do find it is more enjoyable for the child than the parent. If your child likes it (and seems to benefit), then go and just remind yourself it's not going to last all day. But if you'd rather not, there are also lots of other good places for your child to attend. What do you think of soft play areas - on the whole costs a bit more than toddler group but not prohibitively so? Lots of toddlers like them. You can bring a magazine/book and not worry about having to make small talk.

Lots of people have complained that when at a new playgroup no one spoke to them. Apparently this makes allt he other women "cliguey". No, they are busy chatting and catching up on gossip with people they know, watching their children or playing with them and generally chilling out. How about YOU talk to THEM?!

I went to lots of toddler groups, pretty much one every morning, and found them really supportive, and a good start to the day.
Was a bit though that no=one seemed to spend much time playing with their children though. Everyone spent the whole time gassing

With DD1 they were my lifeline. I only went knowing friends would be there, just mummy friends, but friends none the less. It helped me to realise that other chidren cried/didnt sleep and that other mums felt down a lot etc etc. And lovely people fetched me tea. I loved it.

With DS, I go to one. Its in a small village and there are 8 regular mums. Its heaven. We know each other and each others childrens. We do play with our children and even wipe their noses! But what I love is that because we are comfortable with each other, we can swap kids. For example, if my toddler needs a wee, I leave my baby with them. If my toddler needs a juice, anyone else may get her one. We help each other out, surely thats the point of them?

If anyone new turned up we would chat to them. I was the new one 14 months ago, I made myself talk to people and now feel at home. And I am quite shy really.

Don't get me started on the horror of being an unpaid, uncredited, unofficial member of staff at pre-shool. I started taking my son because I thought it would be good for him to meet up with other children of the same age who were going to the same school but . . . I found that
a) he's the only one there who's Mummy has to come too (he's only 2.5 and has to be accompanied)
b) none of the other carers talks to me as they are too busy looking after the 20(!) kids in the group
c) as I'm an adult, all the kids assume that I want to play with them / take them to the toilet / wipe their noses etc - UGGH
d) he's not going to be in the same class at school as any of them as he's so much younger
e) he hates sitting down for quiet time / registration and I have to reprimand him for running about (even though that's waht 2.5 yr olds do) and it's too early to be worrying about that

Needless to say, I've just decided to stop taking him until he's three (September) . . . A big weight has been lifted as I am due to have another baby in April and logistically it would've been a nightmare. I'm going to find another gymboree type thing to go to where I can take the new one in the pram and I won't have to look after other people's as well!

Thanks. Feel better now

Yep, they can be hell or a lifesaver depending on things often outside of your control (ie your DC's behaviour!!). I think when you're a new mum, midst the lack of sleep and initial headf**K joys of motherhood it's easy to misjudge situations when you feel quite vulnerable. I often felt very left out but in retrospect am sure this was because I was feeling generally fragile and lacked my usual gumption to mingle.

I found a nice baby group but toddler groups are such hard work as toddlers' behaviour is so much more challenging, and amplified in a group setting - particuarly if you don't know people there. My DS is terrible - pushing, snatching and generally being unbearable so I don't go anywhere near them now!

YA definitely NBU for ALL the reasons listed on the last 5 pages. I was made to feel like a sh!t mother for NOT taking DS to toddler group when the times we did go we would both come home with some puking virus having been bullied by the 4 year olds ramming each other with the Little Tyke cars and had no social contact with any other mothers unless you were the one expected to leave your 6 month old so you could tidy up the chairs and toys. In my personal experience I found that like many of you I ended up sat amongst a bunch of toddlers making playdoh shapes and trying to stop them from attempting to eat it/shove it places/throw it/hit each other! Stress!

On the other hand, I have heard about some wonderful toddler groups that are well organised and run by really caring people who love the kids but these seem to be rare or they have months worth of waiting lists to get in.

I love toddler groups but yes I really hate those parents that sit in the corner drinking tea get of your fat arse and play and teach your child something new you can drink tea at home. I go to some children centres and the gardens have sand pits water painting big wendy houses etc trikes and space there great. I find in the winter these places are great. In the summer then I wil go big parks and site seeing in London where Im living. I find it quite easy to start conversations with others so I love these toddler groups.

DD1s toddler group. Found myself volunteered for committee at a time when secretary and treasurer were moving and I'd sole running of the thing. Not good. Very quickly got the feeling had been set up to fail. Needed two signatures for the cheques and of course there was only me so trying to do everything in petty cash. Nightmare! Could never get the mums to do anything. They'd all grown up together or related and I was new in town, so not included in their coven. Left to do the orange juice and bickies, make sure the kids were safe, sort out their fights, take out and put away toys while the other mums nattered away in the corner. Stuck it for a few more months before finding a nicer toddler group not that much further away.

I dunno I think these toddler groups, when welcoming, are good for both parent and child and I see nothing wrong with having a cup of tea on my "fat arse" while my DS learns to play independently. Not saying I would do it for the whole of the session, but mum's need a break too.....

i have not set foot in a toddler group with DD3 and have no intention of doing so.

when i went with the older ones, i consoled myself by singing "if your happy and you know it your really sad" and "this bloody song goes on and on"( to the tune of wheels on the bus)

i could not fathom why grown women were required to stand and sing heartily whilst the kids had no interest in it.

also reckon that all the worst illnesses came from there. i do remember also though being desparately lonely and being somewhere with someone was better than 11 hours at home.

FFS toddler groups are there so your child can go off and play / make friends / learn to be independent and you can catch up with friends and have a cuppa.

I do not understand these parents who gfeel they have to be playing and interacting with their kids for every minute of the day. I'm proud to admit that I used to sit on my "fat arse" drinking tea whilst my children went off to the other end of the hall to play.

what toddler groups do you lot go to?Mine is lovely,as an older mum all my friends are working in the day and i enjoy getting out tbh,the mums are really down to earth and we have a real giggle i have had some fairly good nights out with them too,the last thing we talk about is poo and boobs we are too busy having a good moan or gossip about pils or dh's.I met one of my dearest friends at a toddler group 9 yrs ago.

I have just moved from a city to a village, I went to the village group and hated it. Like others have said no one talked to me. BUT I realise that a lot of the women seemed to know each other so were just busy chatting. So I carried on going but after the 4th time I nearly started crying, all the mums were sat around a table chatting and I was sat on the floor playing with LOs, no one spoke to me AGAIN so I up and left.

I tried another one yesterday and it was soooooo much more friendly, the big difference was it was better organised and the woman running it chatted to me, explained the structure of the session and pointed out the mums with LOs similar ages. I will try this one again.

I agree mare11bp there is nothing wrong with a cup of tea but some parents do sit there all session chatting and there toddler is left to do whatever and other mums end up looking after them my 18 month is fantastic at playing ndependently at home but the toddler groups i go to most of the kids are no older than 2 and half most under 2 and at that age you cant keep your eye off them for a min.

I feel your pain OPn

but in my case my son is a tornado and I never sit down more than 2 secs

It must be horrible to stand there like a lemon at an unfriendly toddler group where no-one talks to you! I love the toddler groups I go to, everyone is so nice, and my dd loves them. My life is a bit devoid of entertainment outside the house at the mo shall we say, so they are the highlight of most weeks for me!

One is the Surestart group, which is fab, they get great snacks with cheese and fruit and milk, and they can do messy play and paint and I don't have to clear up, yay! The other one is at a local church, and some people have looked a bit horrified at my tattoos, and the kids sing bible songs instead of nursery rhymes, but they are all so friendly, even if they do want to convert me!

My first experience of them was when I lived in Posh sussex, I was not posh enough so I was ignored, made friends with a black lady, who was also ignored (yep it was that bad) so we sat togheter & bitched about everyone else. with 3rd baby, moved to Kent, with a much nicer bunch of people and have made a lot of friends, and our toddlers will all be off to the same school this september

If your toddler group is run by a good leader who is welcoming and concerned to show a friendly side to the group for newcomers then that should permeate through the whole group. That's my hope anyway - I have been running a toddler group for nearly 8 years and people have always commented that they feel very welcome, at home and able to fit in. I try to notice all newcomers and also all those who seem to find mixing a bit tricky. I try to intorduce parents to each other who might live near to one another, have older children at the same schools or even who I think might hit it off personality-wise. But then, I really try to make an effort to get to know the parents/grandparents/childminders who come along - at least a little bit! I also try to reassure those whose children have hit the terrible twos that we've all been there and make it as easy as possible for people to come along and feel comfortable. Oh and there's always cake, which definitely helps... MPD

Why on earth would I 'get off my fat arse and teach my child something new' at a toddler group, of all places?

My children had my one to one attention at home. That's what being a stay at home mother is for. Mummy2aisha, if all you do at home is drink tea while youir baby plays independantly, then I don't wonder that you would feel too guilty to ignore her whilst everyone else is watching, but actually most sahps don't do this. Most SAHPs do the teaching nd the one to one playing at home, and allow their children to mix with their peers when their peers are around.

It's silly to assume that everyone organises their time precisely as you do.

Though I didn't put it so strongly I did say upthread that I was surprised more mothers didn't use some of the time at toddler groups to play with their children.

Being out of the house, with the support of others around you, and some good toys, space, and creative activities available, to me it seemed a pity that the toddler group culture didn't seem to be one of making better use of that quality time to interact with your children in a positive way.
( Do I get a prize for longest MN sentence )

But I accept that other mother's may have found it easier to make time for quality play, communication, and stimulating experiences with their DC's outside of toddler group.

I just worry that for some children this may have been the best it got

I don't begrudge anyone their tea and chat BTW

I used to enjoy mine too