to really hate going to toddler groups?

[MogadoredMemoo]

Am I some kind of freak because I can't stand them?

I Find it really hard to strike up conversations with other parents. I get all PFB over DD when anyone else's child snatches or pushes (even though she is actually my precious third born). The noise levels hurt my ears and I'm always the one who ends up sat doing the gluing with 10 other kids whilst their parents sit in the corner talking and drinking tea. By the time I get home I feel like I need 5 valium and a bottle of whisky

Don't go then. I thought by the time no. 3 arrived mums stopped going anyway. They already have all the friends with children they need by then.

OMG OP thanks so much for this thread I love you!

I'm so glad to see how many people feel this way, I was feeling guilty as I had almost identical thoughts to OP but didn't dare talk about them with my NCT friends...

After a few attempts I found a nicer group in the church hall so now I don't think they're all bad..... just the majority!

YANBU but kids like them. I used to volunteer to do tea, coffee,juice etc in kitchen with friends. Kids not allowed in kitchen bliss (health and safety). So we got to chat gossip whilst other people watched kids. Oh and the kitchen helpers didn't have to pay either

I always thought singing 'if you're happy and you know it' at song time was a good test of post natal depression- if you felt like crying or walking out.

Tryingveryhard, I love you too

I think I definitely need to try a new one. Maybe a smaller group, there are over 30 people at this one which seems huge!

You could also try a SureStart Centre, if you have one nearby - ours is just delightful, unfortunately my working hours don't allow me to go.

Mog definitely try a different one. I go to two most weeks, one we love and I've made friends there and the other just fills a morning and keeps DD1 entertained for me whilst I sit and play with DD2.

It is really hard making friends at them though, it took a while for me but now I've built up a support network through it (the one I like that is!)

I loved the one I used to go to with DS1 as I was going stir crazy at home and there seemed to be very little to do in the area so it was a highlight of the week, I had a really nice older friend who was a childminder and very experienced and relaxed with small children and I used to really enjoy spending a morning with her and her mindees there.

However, by the time I had DD (third child) I hated them. We had moved by then and I never really felt I fitted in so decided we may as well stay home and watch tellytubbbies play in peace.

She later went to a playgroup where parents didn't stay but you got to be "Mummy Helper" every few weeks - I hated it when it was my turn!!

My mum used to be a playgroup leader and it was very common for the mums to "forget" when they were on the rota and convieniently send their children with a friend on those days or just drop them off and run like the wind! So I always did turn up and do my bit but generally counted the minutes till hometime!

a lot of them are full of arseholes thats why

i go to two with people i know and always make sure i am friendly to anyone on their own who is looking like they want to chat as these groups can be full of prissy, cliquey women who think they own the fecking place!

i'm on dc3 and i still can't 'fit in' at a toddler group, despite the fact that i've been perfectly able to make friends all my life. i have recently joined a choir, it's been wonderful, not just for the singing, but because it reassured me that i am still perfectly capable of having a conversation with and getting on with other adults... i made more friends in one evening at choir than i have done in years of toddler groups.

Toddler groups were a life saver for me. I moved 6o miles from my friends 3 weeks before my 2nd was born and i had an 18 month old as well. We knew no one and it was only by braving the local toddler groups that i made friends and a new life for myself.

I have 4 dc and have visited many many toddler groups over the past almost 10 :o years. Some are great, some are ok, some are the pits in my experience. When we moved last year I had to start from scratch all over again and still occasionally go to one that I absolutely loath but ds2 enjoys...

I go to a wonderful one on Mondays in the children's centre, relaxed and open and everyone chats to anyone.

Yesterday I would have told you they're wonderful.

Tried a new one today not knowing about the clique, SO awkward. Ignored, DS looked at like filth if he crawled up to anyone and kids trying to trample him. After an hour I felt like crying. I'm FINE on my own, but it's embarrassing to sit on a small mat with 4 other women who act like you're not there as you try to drag your social baby into his tiny 'allowed' space.

Try others! (I do live in a small flat)

I think they're great!

Someone suggested taking your children to the park or swimming instead but at playgroups they see the same kids every week so are able to build up little friendships and learn about sharing and dealing with people they don't like. You don't get that at the park as there will be different kids every time and apart from waiting for a turn on the slide there isn't that much chance to learn to share etc. As for swimming, I don't think it's great for social interaction at all.

Try out a few different one's, don't be so PFB over dcs, don't let yourself fall into the trap of being glueing lady, get a cup of tea (at least 5 biscuits) and then you and you kids could get a lot out of it.

strawberrycake That's horrible! What a bunch of bitches!

YANBU. Toddler groups remain a mystery to me as I'm not fond of other people's small children so being trapped in a small space with them and their mothers might have led me to end up in la-la land. No way would I have ventured into one! :o

Instead I took my children out a great deal, places like farms, London aquarium, the park and so on and they mixed with other children there and while at the paddling pool and at a creche whilst I was in the gym.

i don't think it's true to say by the time dc3 comes along mothers already have all the friends they need. We've moved a lot,and will move again before we have dc3 so i'll need all the opportunities to meet people i can get. have had many experiences like the one Strawberrycake describes.

Never done them as I went back to work when DDs were 11 months and 8 months respectively, though there is one that the childminder takes DD2 to and SIL goes too with her DS and they love that one. I used to go to a lovely baby group where they always introduced new people and found them someone to talk to and people tried to include others. They do very a great deal though. I am a big buttinsky with cliques - I just join in, but if they don't make me feel welcome after that I stop and give up. Sometimes it's the case that people are shy and don't mean to be rude, other times it is a bit school playground...oh don't be friends with her etc.

Of course there are always exceptions IntergalacticHussy. I was thinking about an old friend I was talking to at the weekend. She said 'By the time DD3 came along I had all the friends I wanted.'

I'm not anti toddler groups at all. I worry sometimes that these threads will put other new mums off going to them, they can be a lifeline. I relied very heavily on the children's centre groups and the village toddler group when I was at home with DS. I still go to one on Mondays, the only day I don't work.

nooooo, i will not EVER step foot in another toddler group (sorry DD4 i will find other activities for you)its not just the children, its the parents.

perfumedlife please explain how you got such cheap flights.....did you book months in advance or turn up last minute? (must get DD4 a passport done)

YANBU. Boring, cliquey and always clash with Women's Hour.

On the other hand, libraries, picnics, a trip to the market, the pool, galleries, museums, parks, farms and aftenoon tea are most enjoyable.

I do love the idea of a 1p flight to Paris instead!

oh my sympathy smallwhitecat - been there seen it re wierd noises and "bad behaviour" - we were thrown out of Tumble Tots because he wouldn't comply and do what the rest of the group did. (ASD)

To add to your miseries posters - I see toddler groups as the precursor to the playground. A place where you grow a thick skin that you will need for the playground. Toddler groups allow you to be wise to the various cliques which will follow you into the playground. The "ignore you" clique, even though you go to toddler group week in, week out. The "shockingly different in child rearing" clique - perhaps the non nose wipers. And my personal most loathed group, because I couldn't afford to belong to their group, the "look down their nose at you" clique. Welcome to the wonderful sisterhood of mothers...