to really hate going to toddler groups?

[MogadoredMemoo]

Am I some kind of freak because I can't stand them?

I Find it really hard to strike up conversations with other parents. I get all PFB over DD when anyone else's child snatches or pushes (even though she is actually my precious third born). The noise levels hurt my ears and I'm always the one who ends up sat doing the gluing with 10 other kids whilst their parents sit in the corner talking and drinking tea. By the time I get home I feel like I need 5 valium and a bottle of whisky

Quenelle, that made me

Bling - try posting a thread about it - there are a few SAHDs on here, they might be able to shed some light.

We did have one dad come along once but he never came back, which was a shame - I found out later that his mum is in fact a friend of my MIL's (but he doesn't know that). A couple of times we've had both parents come along - but not often and it's nearly always the woman who comes back.

I actually think it's a shame; as a lot of Dads probably do think it's all about women sitting around discussing their female bits, traumas and dissing their husbands (which, tbf, there usually is some of) but it doesn't have to be that way! And having male input might change the dynamic to wider topics anyway.

I found more Dads did the activity stuff - there were a couple of regulars at Gymbabes and Tumbletots - and the babyswimming was an eye-opener the day I went for a make up lesson on a Saturday - I was the only woman in the pool!! During the week, most of the time it was the mums and two or three Dads, but weekends - all of them were Dads bar me.

YANBU I went twice, not my cup of tea. Never went again. Both kids are fine

Thanks Quenelle and thumbwitch.

Yes, I think DH will be more keen on activities. That's what I had envisioned - swimming or music or whatever.

I don't really see the point in going before they can crawl. Even then it's only fun if you make some friends :) I find it takes about 3 or 4 weeks for people to start recognising you as one of the group and really include you etc.

Bling There were Dads at babyswimming, tumble tots, music group, baby massage, baby yoga, baby signing but not so much toddler groups.

BlingLoving Also suggest Rhymetime at your local library (if you still have one). It's free and your DH doesn't have to socialise if he doesn't want to.

Still can't get over the hatred of groups from some here - yes, some are bad, but others are good. Even after a third or fourth child you might want to go to a group and meet parents of children the same age, not just parents of children the age of your first child.

We've had dads come to my group quite happily - sometimes on their own, sometimes with their partner. We have several grandparents who attend.

Some groups are run in halls that are freezing, others are in halls with heating that is poor, some in halls with superb heating systems where you roast in the heat. Perhaps the heating issue relates to some of these kinds of halls having antiquated systems that need thousands spending on them, and the £1 per week for toddler sessions doesn't cover the hire of the hall, let alone the hall committee mending the heating. Most toddler groups I know bend over backwards to keep their subs really low - £1 per family - but still have to pay their overheads; as do the halls that provide the large spaces and storage for the groups concerned.

Some will have grubby toys, some will have clean toys: our toys get cleaned every term, and wiped over in between if they get crumbs or dirt on them. If they are grubby, why not offer to take a carrier bag of toys home to deep-clean them? (Though don't nick off with all the Bob the Builder toys like someone did at my group.)

Someone said - "i could not fathom why grown women were required to stand and sing heartily whilst the kids had no interest in it."

Perhaps because it actually helps the children to learn the songs if the adults that care for them sing alongside the (volunteer) leaders who might themselves feel nervous about singing out loud in front of an audience of parents who can't be bothered to join in. That ten minutes is the only bit of the session where the parents/carers are asked to join in - they don't have to bring their child to craft, or sit and playdoh, or do puzzles etc - and it is jolly hard work when the adults are standing either staring watching the leaders sing on their own or chattering over the top of the singing. If the adults are interested and enthusiastic, the kids pick up on that and will join in. If the parent is busier putting on their coat and chatting for an extra ten minutes, the child might feel that singing isn't worth bothering with either.

My low point was when all the mothers sat around with floppy hands doing "dingle dangle scarecrow" very intently and properly without a glimmer of a smile while their tiny babies couldn't give a toss. I remember locking my front door and looking down at DD (all of seven months) thinking why am I doing this?
Bloody awful, and its now the same crowd on the school run, which is also fairly bad. DD2 did not get the benefit of mums and toddlers..

Good ones can be a lifeline.

Bad ones can make you want to drown yourself.

Pick the good ones.

If you are worried that your DC is missing out by not going to toddler group why not try something like a music group or swimming with a bit more structure. Much more civilised than sitting on your own surrounded by other people's kids with snotty noses.

Ours is lovely, tiny, friendly, people take turns to open up and bring snack, keep an eye out for each others children, absolutely NO activities, and talk all kinds of crap...

YANBU -
toddler groups can be hideous but I think they are an important precursor to preschool and then school - sharing/ playing alongside/ being independent.
I often feel like a referee arbitrating over toy arguments but do see the benefits for DS3.
I used to shop around too much and rarely went regularly to any. now I have discovered my own secret to toddler group survival - find a fairly quiet one and go with a friend. In the one I go to the organisers are immensely unfriendly but the other women do gradually talk to me after a while.
For DS I can see the changes in his confidence in playing away from me, having snack away from me sitting with other kids, negotiating over toys (still dreadful but hey!)
I try not to play with him and encourage him to go and play without me - the room is such that I can watch him from where I sit. I view this as practice for preschool. I think this is another important factor in toddler groups - find one where everything is visible from where the seats are.So many are so packed you have to follow your kid around to know who did what in disputes and try to be fair to your child and others. So many parents are over protective of their kid and seem to think your child is evil for not being very good at sharing aged 2. Whilst there are some so laidback they don't seem to notice their child is regularly duffing up others.
So try a small quiet one and go regularly (with a friend if poss) is my top tip.

bintofbohemia and lizzie1180 I totally agree.
The good ones I've been to have been around structured 'activities' not a general free-for-all where the kids run riot and the parents ignore them and only intervene when a child cries. I do take my DS, but I spend most of it kindly advising other parents about their kids, (oh look, little Harry has just put his fingers in a plug socket- that kind of thing) and just because there are other adults in the room does not mean you can ignore your child and let others deal with them. Drives me mad, but he seems to enjoy it, so I put up with it for his sake.

Reading this thread the thought just struck me -

Toddler groups - where the kids have snotty noses and the Mums are just snotty !

I know, I know, they're not all like that

Why would you need to intervene before a child cries?

Do you think your son enjoys it because you are so busy frantically 'helpfully advising' other parents that he gets a breather for a couple of hours a week?

I haven't read all the replies, but while I do n ot think YABU to dislike them, after all we are all entitled to our opinion on things, I have to say i have found 2 in our area which I enjoy going to and have attended one most weeks for 4 years and the other I have taken a break from a few times, but do go regularly now with ds2. I have always attended them with 3 other friends, we are not cliquey and will talk to anyone, but we do tend to sit together and chat while the little ones play.
I am finding the one that I have taken breaks from to be suddenly inundated with childminders, who on a whole can be a bit judgemental and interfering, while telling their own charges that it was fine for them to hit another child as they had hit them before! This same childminder had told mine and a friend's ds' off for hitting each other when they were infact playing with each other and no malice was involved (they were playing with a toy that needed hitting on the top and were racing each other to do it, resulting in them catching each other. I was monitoring from a distance and knew they were fine). I would advise anyone to just keep trying, all are different.

I hate them with a passion, i moved into a village and the one we have here, its a clique!...so much so the HV even made me aware of this before i attended, went once, never went again, they never spoke to you, looked at you like a moron, and i was left sitting on my norman!!!

That's awful, Lisa, but it really isn't true of ours, which is also a village one - I guess it's so tiny it's pretty easy for everyone to be involved in conversation, and everyone always says hello, introduces themselves, offers coffee, etc. I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than go to one that involved structured activities, though...

Aah I like taking my DS to them as he enjoys them . I've been going to a couple for months but not made any friends , TBF I find them cliquey, so often feel like a billy no mates whilst the others all carry on. I'm not the most confident either but do try to smile alot .. or maybe its starting to look like a grimace....!!!

booooring - IMO. Toddler groups, that is. I never liked them and only went three or four time with DS1 and I have no intention of going with DS2 (too busy now!). I'd rather go to the park, it costs nothing, and on a nice day you're more than likely to meet other parents there.

Flufften Do you make conversation with the other mums? I find if you make an effort to go over and talk to them and ask them something about their child after about 3 or 4 weeks you normally start to fit in as part of the group.

I also agree with a few others about being the odd one out at these groups. I used to the only parent down on the floor playing with DS and all the other children whilst the mums just sat and drank tea.

DS1 was also on the go very soon, so I couldn't sit still and drink my tea. I got more relaxation at home!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also struck up a conversation with the leader of the group, and a few other mums but still did find it quite a cliquey environment.

I always wimped out from going - my excuse was that it clashed with dd's naptime. And 3 days a week her childminder did loads with her.

Wish I'd made a bit more effort now tho' - it's a village one, and it honestly never crossed my mind that those mums would be the ones with kids that would go to same school as dd. If you'd asked me I'd have put two and two together - I'm not that thick - but I never thought myself into the future.

So now I am the mum who is 1 min from the school who barely knows the other mums in the playground who all know each other really well and are really friendly with each other. .