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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to consider calling the police?

110 replies

lucasnorth · 28/02/2011 16:42

Came back home from nursery pick up to find a note tucked under the lid of the wheelie bin.
Saying how stunning I look and am I single and will I call him. And don't worry he's not a stalker, I just totally blew him away.

Now I am NOT stunning. I have been pushing a double buggy every time I've been out today, I have no make up on, my jeans are covered in mushed up food and I've been wearing my practical yet ever so unflattering rain hat. So weirdo-alarm has been triggered.

We live on a very quiet street, I hardly ever pass anyone on the pavement. But this person must either have been hanging around or followed me home, as they clearly know where I live. The only person I have passed on the street today was an old-ish (50s?) guy, this morning, and all I did was give him a nod good-day. He was already past our house so if it was him then he turned back and followed me. The only other alternatives are someone from the (very small) offices opposite (but then they would surely be aware of DH?) or one of the bin men (bin day, hence the bins were out on the pavement).

Anyway, for any of these people to leave me a note saying I blew them away is deeply odd, makes me feel uncomfortable coming and going from my own house (I'm certainly not going out to take the bins round the back now) and I'm worried. Particularly by the 'I'm not a stalker' comment because actually, yes, that's how it feels.

But the little voice of reason in my head says that the police (quite rightly) will laugh at me if I take my worries to them. So what do I do? My instinctive reaction having picked the note up was to throw it straight in the wheelie bin, but now I wonder if I shouldn't take it out just in case the weirdo does come back... Sad

Oh, and DH is away on a business trip all week, so this is particularly crap timing.

OP posts:
Nailitorelse · 28/02/2011 17:14

I just give up!
Booy and Dr the one thing this has taught me is that if there is a way that someone will misinterpret an email or text then you can be sure that someone will!

Original poster
lucasnorth · 28/02/2011 17:16

Birdsgottafly - My Dad calling the number is a tempting idea - I'll see if he's up for it tomorrow.

Nailitorelse - I agree with you that I should ask DH what he thinks.

Showofhands - wow. She was brave!

You are all so fast at typing...

OP posts:
zukiecat · 28/02/2011 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BooyFuckingHoo · 28/02/2011 17:18

ock come on nailit. look at you first post. the first line says "suggest ask DH" the next says "whatever you do to avoid conflict" you can't blame people for reading what you wrote.

Original poster
lucasnorth · 28/02/2011 17:19

Thanks all for advice. I feel much better having talked about it, rather than moping.

Need to go and make kids supper now, but will be back later if anyone else has anything to add.

OP posts:
Ripeberry · 28/02/2011 17:22

Why oh WHY? would this person put it in the bin of all places?
It's either a bin man OR just someone getting rid of a note.
They would put it in your letterbox if they really fancied you.
Put it in a bag and keep for evidence.

I would ring the number on 'secret' at 3am just to teach them a lesson Angry

Nailitorelse · 28/02/2011 17:22

Understood Booy - I meant, avoiding conflict by DH finding out at a later date by some other means and therefore thinking OP had something to hide! - additional note to self - be more specific and less shorthand in messages!!

Tortington · 28/02/2011 17:23

i'd tell the police - i;d risk being laughed at. i'd evewn laugh aling with them. as lonas they had a note of it ont heri system incase anything should happen - its only a phone call

PorkChopSter · 28/02/2011 17:24

What's wrong with your letterbox?

BitOfFun · 28/02/2011 17:32

Just ignore it. I got a detailed later put on my car once after the person had seen me at my place of work (I didn't know who they were or that they were watching me), which means that they must have followed me. That creeped me out. But I asked a friend's husband who was in the police if I should report it, and he said no, there would have to be repeated contact for them to be interested. His advice was to completely ignore it and give no feedback whatsoever. Which did the trick- I never heard anything else.

3littlebadgers · 28/02/2011 17:33

I have been a victim of stalking when my first born was only months old. At first it started with random phone calls saying he liked me and would like to take me shopping! Then there were calls saying his favourite colour was...(always the colour I had been wearing that day pushing my newborn in his pram!) in the end it was photos of me in my own living room breastfeeding my baby! In my opinion I would copy the note and keep a record of it at home in a file. I would then take the original to the local police station and be honest that it has freaked you out. If it is innocent nothing more will come of it but if there is that small chance that it is a nutter then they are in on it from the start.
By the way not saying that this is true in your case by my husband was in the Navy and this started abruptly when he went away to sea. I would be even more cautious that this has happened when your husband has gone away on buisness. Do you have someone locally you could also confide in just so they can keep an eye out for you.
Again I am not trying to scare you or anything but better to be safe right? please let us know how you get on. Good luck

diddl · 28/02/2011 17:45

"My BIL saw a woman get out of a car at a park once and thought she was absolutely stunning. He left a note on her windscreen as he was in a rush, just his number and give me a call."

I think it´s really sad that a woman would call tbh.

Mind you, I would think that anyone leaving the note was either a bit stalkerish or an arrogant twat.

saffy85 · 28/02/2011 17:53

Erm.... Don't think the police would do anything at this stage. Someone, you don't know who it is has left a note on your bin saying they fancy you. They can't do much with that ime.

privategodfrey · 28/02/2011 17:54

Post the number on here and we'll all give them a ring :)

Seriously though, I can understand why you are freaked out if your DH is away on business especially with a small child in the house.

It does sound more of a prank though if the note was written in two different styles. Could be that someone was given the note, wasn't interested but thought it would be "funny" to put it on your bin.

tallulahxhunny · 28/02/2011 18:02

i must be an oddball, i would feel flattered if someone left me a note like that, i think maybe you are worrying abit too much

privategodfrey · 28/02/2011 18:08

Tallulah

I bet you're the sort of person who would be thrilled to be called a hotty by some scrote of a Tesco employee too.

(sorry, couldn't resist it after the thread yesterday)

Grin

< disclaimer: just kidding >

tallulahxhunny · 28/02/2011 18:09

youre bloody right i would!! :D

privategodfrey · 28/02/2011 18:12

Me too Blush

I'll take flattery from anyone at my age!

SunshineisSorry · 28/02/2011 18:12

I must be getting desperate in my old age, i used to be all feminist about this sort of thign, now when the tesco scroe Hmm (that really is a vile thing to say) comes with my shopping delivery and calls me darling, i htink, awww what a nice man Blush

Sassybeast · 28/02/2011 18:13

My first thought would be that it's a dare or a prank. i'd keep the note but just forget about it. any further developments and I'd probably speak to a community police officer, but for now i'd put it down to a prank

tallulahxhunny · 28/02/2011 18:16

omg i was in tescos last saturday night, was all dressed up and looking for pakora and i stopped this guy with blue shirt wearing a badge and asked him where the pakora was. He gave me a big smile and was like, ooh you want pakora do you ;) ;)...thinking he was attracted to me and feeling flattered i flashed him a massive smile and said yes where is it, he says, I dunno love, look at my badge im a fireman [embarrassed]

Totally Off topic like but had to share lol

tallulahxhunny · 28/02/2011 18:17

oh my wee smilie didnt work cos i used the wrong word, smilies are pants in here

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 28/02/2011 18:27

I think I wouldn't be bothered by a single note like this when there is a good chance of it being a prank or a mistake or someone throwing away a note she had recieved.
However, even if it was sent to you and you have an 'admirer' he may not be dangerous, just dim. There is, after all, a certain amount of cultural conditioning to the effect that a bit of stalking wooing ofa woman is romantic rather than creepy.
But I think the best advice is to keep it but don't try to engage in any way and only bother reporting it if something else happens. (It's extremely, extremely unlikely that even a nutjob would escalate immedeiately from clumsy notes to dangerous aggression).

PlentyOfParsnips · 28/02/2011 18:31

I see no reason not to take it at face value for now. You have an admirer - probably a neighbour who's seen you coming and going. He's asking if you're single, not presuming. Obviously you're not single so it's hopeless but quite romantic, I think.

If you're worried though, it wouldn't do any harm to give the police a call so they have a record. Unless you and DH have a lot of suspicion in your relationship, I don't think you need to call him straight away - just tell him when you see him.

SnackTime · 28/02/2011 18:33

The first thing every self-defence class tells you is to trust your instincts. Your instinct was to contact the police because it freaked you out.

Don't let anyone else talk you out of seeing the police on this one. It freaked you out - don't second guess that. Go ahead and go into the neigbourhood station tomorrow and show them the note. As several people on here have said, they may well have had similar incidents, and even if not, they're going to look very kindly on a worried mummy who got a stalker-type note.

Also, tell your neighbours you found a wierd note and have they seen anyone hanging about? They'll keep a lookout from now on, maybe also reassuring for you while your DH is away.

It may be nothing, and it probably is just some teenager playing a wierd prank or similar, but that wasn't your first impression. And none of us are in a position to know better than you.