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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to consider calling the police?

110 replies

lucasnorth · 28/02/2011 16:42

Came back home from nursery pick up to find a note tucked under the lid of the wheelie bin.
Saying how stunning I look and am I single and will I call him. And don't worry he's not a stalker, I just totally blew him away.

Now I am NOT stunning. I have been pushing a double buggy every time I've been out today, I have no make up on, my jeans are covered in mushed up food and I've been wearing my practical yet ever so unflattering rain hat. So weirdo-alarm has been triggered.

We live on a very quiet street, I hardly ever pass anyone on the pavement. But this person must either have been hanging around or followed me home, as they clearly know where I live. The only person I have passed on the street today was an old-ish (50s?) guy, this morning, and all I did was give him a nod good-day. He was already past our house so if it was him then he turned back and followed me. The only other alternatives are someone from the (very small) offices opposite (but then they would surely be aware of DH?) or one of the bin men (bin day, hence the bins were out on the pavement).

Anyway, for any of these people to leave me a note saying I blew them away is deeply odd, makes me feel uncomfortable coming and going from my own house (I'm certainly not going out to take the bins round the back now) and I'm worried. Particularly by the 'I'm not a stalker' comment because actually, yes, that's how it feels.

But the little voice of reason in my head says that the police (quite rightly) will laugh at me if I take my worries to them. So what do I do? My instinctive reaction having picked the note up was to throw it straight in the wheelie bin, but now I wonder if I shouldn't take it out just in case the weirdo does come back... Sad

Oh, and DH is away on a business trip all week, so this is particularly crap timing.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 28/02/2011 18:40

Would it not just be simple to just ring the number, ask if they left you the note, ask who they are, etc, then say "hang on, while I pass you over", and give the phone to the husband who can then say "stay the fuck away from my wife"?

Done and dusted then.

You know who he is. He knows you are not interested.

MmaIvvy · 28/02/2011 18:41

I would get DH to ring the number (or a male) and be all manly about leaving his wife a note - mainly because I am too nosey and would wonder and wonder until I knew who it was from/was it for me or a mistake etc. Also wouldn't want to talk to potential nutter myself.

MmaIvvy · 28/02/2011 18:42

*manly not mainly! (or is it manley - an English A Level well used!)

MmaIvvy · 28/02/2011 18:43

DURRR I didn't write mainly in the wrong place. Ignore me

SnackTime · 28/02/2011 18:44

If it IS a stalker, then calling the number is a bad idea. They can take any contact, no matter how negative, as evidence of your 'relationship'. If anything, let the police ring.

Of course if one of your neighbours confirms it was a group of schoolkids - go for the angry husband phone call!

getoffme · 28/02/2011 18:47

ok, can't be arsed to read the whole thread, but there's my 2 pence worth:

  1. call your dad as he is going to be around, ask him to keep the note in case is needed.
  2. call the police, tell tehm you are on your own, what you should do and if they could look up the number?
  3. definitely tell dh, for support if nothing else...

then take a few precautions for a while ie, anyone unwarranted hanging around the house?, change you routes for a while,

hopefully you'll never heart again...

captainchaos · 28/02/2011 18:48

Yes, I would worry.

It's not normal. People don't leave notes for each other in wheelie bins. We have letter boxes for that. Why in your bin? Unless, perhaps, he's been looking through your bin?

As you said, when you go out you're pushing a double buggy. What kind of person puts a note in the bin of an unknown woman with children? Not a nice one. A nice guy would think "Hey, I don't want to alarm this young mum--better leave it".

The "Don't worry, I'm not stalking you" part is the most alarming to me. It's kind of an unsolicited promise, and it shows he's thought about it.

I would bag the note, log the incident with the police and keep your eye out for anything odd. Be more wary than usual--It's better to be unintentionally rude than become a victim.

getoffme · 28/02/2011 18:49

and whateever you do, do not engage in any kind of contact, if you are freaking out for no reason, there is no harm done, if it is a stalker, that is just what he needs

i had a stalker but manage to lose him, it isn't nice

LibraPoppyGirl · 28/02/2011 18:51

I don't think there would be any harm in just calling the local police station tomorrow and letting them know. You can say you've let others in your family know too (ie your Dad) but as your DH is away in Japan it's left you feeling a bit vulnerable. At least they can then make a note of it and should, note that I say should , anything further happen, they'll be aware that there is already a recorded incident and it is not a one off.

Better to be safe than sorry IMO.

Do keep us informed as to what your Dad and DH say too though.

Keep your chin up Smile

privategodfrey · 28/02/2011 18:52

It's kind of an unsolicited promise, and it shows he's thought about it

Really?

So every time I bump into someone 2 or 3 times in one day and joke "don't worry, I'm not stalking you" then actually I have been thinking of stalking them?

Righto. Better book myself in for therapy then.

GypsyMoth · 28/02/2011 18:57

Google the phone number??

tallulahxhunny · 28/02/2011 18:58

I would bag the note, log the incident with the police and keep your eye out for anything odd.

omg, bag the note??? ffs its a fecking note saying shes good looking, its hardly a case for csi!

worraliberty · 28/02/2011 19:00

I was going to suggest Googling the phone number. It probably belongs to a 13yr old boy whose mates are having a laugh.

plupedantic · 28/02/2011 19:06

My flatemate had a stalker letter, and the police took it quite seriously. All it took was registering the letter (only one letter) and calling him from the police station, to leave a message that she did not reciprocate his interest. Nothing else happened, but she had registered that she was not interested, and if it had gone further, they would have been able to do something.

bettybosseye · 28/02/2011 19:07

God that's really creepy , i can see why you're freaked out. Make sure you let other people know, nieghbours etc. I think i would give the local cop shop a ring just so they are aware of a weirdo might be hanging about,
Good luck and try not to worry too much, it's probably kids mucking about. Smile

3littlebadgers · 28/02/2011 19:11

Me again I just want to add that when my stalking started I did nothing at first because I was paranoid that I was blowing it up out of all proportion. I did not trust my insticnts as snacktime suggests and I even felt guitly for feeling so freaked out by it. My husband was at sea and rarely had a signal on his mobile phone so it was a worrying time for him too. On one occassion I managed to put my husband on my mobile to the home phone with the stalker on the line and my husband bawled him out. This did not stop the stalking at all. I am not saying that this person is a stalker but if it is then his mind will not work like yours or mine. What would put us off may mot do the trick for them. So what if you are wrong? So what if it is just kids? At least by contacting the police you are doing something.

InPraiseOfBacchus · 28/02/2011 19:18

The note was in poor taste, a reasonable man would know that this was creepy. No crime has been committed yet, though. If you get unwanted calls, visits or being followed about, then call the police.

Who knows, perhaps it's some misguided romantic who things the note will be interpreted as a quirky rom-com style gesture.

SnackTime · 28/02/2011 19:45

It's crazy, isn't it 3littlebadgers, how easy it is to ignore that instinct. You get some wierd-shit note that sets alarm bells ringing and then you start second-guessing yourself and worrying that you might somehow inconvenience someone or hurt some poor romantic's feelings by calling the police.

OP, if it freaked you out, it probably freaked you out for a good reason. You are more than entitled to tell the police - they will be glad you came in.

If it's kids or some other harmless thing, they will know straight away after they call the number. And if it's a stalker, you will have taken the best first step to stopping this problem before it gets way, way worse.

mmsmum · 28/02/2011 19:48

OP call the police, they will not laugh at you, they are much more experienced and professional that that. What they will do is make a record of the incident and if there is anyone in your area who may be of concern they will act appropriately. If anything else should happen you will be taken a lot more seriously having previously logged a complaint.

Don't just look to see who is about, look at your neighbours windows, even those on another street that may over look yours and you may not have noticed before.

Take comfort knowing that this person did not even have the courage to walk up to your front door. But do not take this lightly either, let the police know, that is what they are there for

3littlebadgers · 28/02/2011 19:50

SnackTime It really is crazy even when my husband had a go at him down the phone I felt bad, like I had somehow invited this. I actually feel a bit sick for her it is bringing back memories.

RunAwayWife · 28/02/2011 20:01

I understand why you are unsettled.

Is there a chance the note was for someone else? Not saying that you are not stunning.

Or are there any silly young boys in the office over the road that might be having a joke to see your reaction?

givemeaclue · 28/02/2011 20:09

OR, despite your rainhat and double buggy, maybe you underestimate yourself and a fabulous gorgeous man just had to tell you how stunning you are.

OR if you are really not looking your normal stunning best today, could it have been left on the wrong bin?

MsScarlett · 28/02/2011 20:18

This reminds me of how once I received an e mail from a bloke who had seen me filling out an oyster card form on the tube and had copied down my e mail address. He said similar things, also protesting that he wasn't a stalker. Um... yes you are! He had this illusion that he was being a romantic of some sort, yes it would be romantic if you actually spoke to me rather than stealing my personal details...

Oh, and once I got a really weird and disturbing crank call and I reported it to the police. They didn't laugh at me at all. Admittedly they couldn't do much as it was a one off, but they did take it seriously. If you report it they will have more grounds to do something if it happens again.

God - I do attract some weirdos don't I? Blush

amberleaf · 28/02/2011 20:47

Im with Snacktime

Trust your instincts-this is not normal behavior.

no harm in reporting it to the police. they will not laugh at you.

Original poster
lucasnorth · 28/02/2011 20:56

Oh 3littlebadgers, I'm sorry to have brought back such bad memories. But thank you for sharing your experience, you have galvanised me to take the note in to the local station tomorrow, just in case this is the start of something creepy and not just a one off romantic gesture/joke/whatever. After all, the worst that can happen is that they will be a bit Hmm at me, but I will feel better knowing I have 'done something'.

Thanks everyone else too. This is the first time I have brought a dilemma to the boards and I feel very warm and fuzzy about the support you've given me. And on AIBU too!

Baby will be up again soon, so night all.

OP posts: