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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU WWYD Proms and Limos

238 replies

mmsmum · 28/02/2011 10:39

Hi all,

I have got all wound up about this and would like to know if I'm BU and need to let it go or if I'm right to be annoyed and WWYD.

DD is in her last year of primary and has her leavers dance/prom to go to (we don't have a date yet but I'd assume around June). Given that this is February I haven't given this too much thought other than thinking she can wear a dress she wore to a wedding last year, that she'll want her hair done and to go in a limo with all her friends.

So last week she comes home from school to tell me that one of the girls has invited 'everyone' to go in limos. Except she hasn't invited everyone, she has left out my DD, her bf and a girl with SN (there may be another 2 left out but DD isn't sure).

AIBU in thinking how dare this woman take away my daughters chance of attending her prom in a limo with the rest of her friends? They will all be going together and talking about their experience while my DD has been left out. She is going to go with her bf but a limo for 2 is a bit ott! It's really not fair that this has been taken away from her is it? She can't even invite another group of friends as they are all going already.

I'm also annoyed that the mum who has arranged all this is head of the pta. Does this make a difference? I think it does, I think she should have invited everyone and not left anyone out. Why has she done this in February about 4 months before the event, and is she the only one who knows the date/venue etc?

I'm really upset for DD, she'll still go and arrive with her bf, but I don't think it will be the same. And in the run up she'll have to put up with everyone talking about it. I don't know what the atmosphere will be like at the prom with so many going together and a few on the sidelines.

There is some history between this girl and DD but we are going back a few years when this girl picked on mine, excuse was her parents were splitting up. Since then they have been to each others birthdays. The girl told my DD that she and her bf weren't invited because they are too hyper.

I am finding it hard to believe that anyone would exclude a few girls like this and wonder whether I should phone this woman and ask if she realises what she has done and did she mean to do it? But then am I going to look like an idiot and make it worse for DD? DD's esteem and confidence has taken quite a knock and she isn't looking forward to the prom as much now. She has been through a hard time and it would have been really nice if she had something to look forward to Sad

Sorry this is so long! AIBU and WWYD if you would do anything?

OP posts:
Maryz · 02/03/2011 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mmsmum · 02/03/2011 14:47

Ah thanks Mary, I didn't think about her having invited them to her house too.

You might be right about texting being the safer option, if I get worked up I might say something not very nice! But if I phone I can explain myself better I think?

OP posts:
diddl · 02/03/2011 15:22

"They take 8 or 9 in a limo, therefore leaving probably 4 out"

Well, we don´t know, do we?

Limos come in various sizes, don´t they?

Might there be a restriction on the number of unsupervised children allowed?

Maryz · 02/03/2011 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 02/03/2011 15:35

But to be fair, we don´t know all the details.

She could have just organised for her daughter & the friends she wants.

It´s not up to her to organise for everyone & it sounds as if the story may have become a bit "chinese whispers".

Maryz · 02/03/2011 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 02/03/2011 16:08

Don't text. Phone.

Make it sound like you are simply trying to organise something nice for all the girls together rather than calling her a mean spirited bitch Wink.

Original poster
mmsmum · 02/03/2011 16:09

Just chatted to DD, she has more info. lol it sounds like a spy game or something

There are 5 girls left out, which means this mum has invited 8, including her own, double the amount she is trying to tell me.

Without having anything confirmed by parents yet it would seem that these 5 are getting together themselves to do something which DD's bf's mum has offered to organise.

I'm still going to phone and tell her that I thought it would have been nice had all the girls gone together but not to worry as the ones she excluded have got together to arrange something anyway. Is that BU?

OP posts:
Hullygully · 02/03/2011 16:12

Tell her she's a right old cunt who should know better. But politely.

Maryz · 02/03/2011 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 02/03/2011 16:29

I wouldn´t bother to contact her at all tbh.

Just make sure you´re on/best friends with someone on PTA at the next school!

"That is my point - she hasn't considered the whole class at all."

But why should she?
The whole class are invited to the prom-how they get there is surely up to parents?

Batteryhuman · 02/03/2011 16:33

Why not arrange something original for those "left out".

The coolest arrival at my DS's primary leaver's disco were the ones who arrived in the Grandad's camper van. When he let down the steps and they trooped down it got a huge cheer.

PrincessScrumpy · 02/03/2011 16:46

I would get a horse and carriage for your dd and her bf and then the others would be jealous.

I actually hate the idea of a limo anyway so would prefer horses - tbh I wouldn't do this for primary but might to make a point if dd had been left out.

I wouldn't give the other mum the time of day. Maybe dd can invite a couple of other friends and they can snub the limo girl! Am I a bit mean?

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 02/03/2011 16:49

Am so pleased its not quite so exclusive and divisive as it seemed yesterday. 5 girls can have a wonderful time together - I'd ignore the other mother now and just concentrate on your own DD.

SeeJaneKick · 02/03/2011 16:57

The real trouble here is that with the whole Limo/prom thing being quite new...there's no "accepted" form is there?

If this were a birthday party then there would be o doub that the woman was wrong to leave 3 kids out...but what's the norm with proms for 11 year olds? There is none is there?

The OP said that previous years have done the whole group thing fro the school gates....but how long has that gone on for? Lng enough for it to become an established thing? Obviously not.

OP I hope it's all ok

sayithowitis · 02/03/2011 17:05

Sorry, have not yet read whole thread, but I notice that the number of girls who have been invited is 8? If this is the case, I believe that this is the maximum number of people that can be legally carried in a regular stretch limo here . Maybe you could talk to the other mum about inviting all the girls and splitting the children and the cost equally between the two cars? Otherwise, it looks as though you will have to decide whether to have a limo for your DD and the other 'uninvited' and share the cost, or to do something else for your DD instead.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 02/03/2011 17:24

OP - be careful to no longer think of your daughter and her friends as the excluded ones. From this moment forth they are the chosen ones. The other girls may be going in a vulgar limo - you have bags of brilliant ideas here and can do something much more special for the chosen ones!

diddl · 02/03/2011 17:46

OP-what is your daughter´s bf´s mum thinking of organising?

SeeJaneKick · 02/03/2011 18:00

I agree with Working....

FauxFox · 02/03/2011 18:05

I can't quite believe this thread Confused A mum has booked a limo for 8 children, making up one third of the class (assuming the class is half boys/half girls there is around 26 in the class?) and she is therefore a prize bastard!?? Obviously the nicer thing to do would be to organise transport for the whole class, but if she wants to invite 8 girls to her house to get ready and go in a limo together that is her prerogative! She doesn't have to ask the whole class or include your dd - they are 11 not 5 year olds. She was probably wanting to organise a nice treat for her dd and you have made it out to be something bitter and twisted for some reason Confused. Just organise your own thing and stop getting involved and trying to think of ways to "trump" the limo or get your dd to think limos are "chavvy" < shakes head > I just can't understand you at all...sorry.

Bathsheba · 02/03/2011 18:27

I'm with FauxFox I have to say.....a Mum appears to have organised a Limo for her Dd's friends...

Okay, most of them are in your DD's class but thats kind of how it works in primary school...

Ehm,. organise your own thing for you DD if you feel its important to go to her prom in a limo...

SeeJaneKick · 02/03/2011 18:37

OP are you sure DD is actually friends with the girl who'se Mum has organised the limo? In the 1st post you speak of DD being left out of the chance to be in a limo with her friends...but maybe they're not so close now?

ajandjjmum · 03/03/2011 07:57

Why not ask who the 5 max 6 are who she has invited so that you can contact the others and 'make sure no-one is left out'.

She clearly is thoughtless at best - but you can let her know that you're on to her, even with a smile on your face!

ajandjjmum · 03/03/2011 07:59

I know your dd said 8 were included, but I'd work on the numbers she texted you, so that she will have to admit her mistake.

When she goes thru' the names, you can actually very deliberately say 'ok.....so that's 8, not the 5 or 6 that you told me'. Seems a shame for just 5 to be left out of the fun. I think Cheryl Cole's driver and limo is a great idea!

thefruitwhisperer · 03/03/2011 08:14

DP is a teacher and at his classes leaving prom, the greatest entrance was a 20 motorcycle escort!

I think if it were me, I'd just try and trump this bitch. Screw the limo idea, it looks like you are jumping on her wagon. Get something original Smile