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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU WWYD Proms and Limos

238 replies

mmsmum · 28/02/2011 10:39

Hi all,

I have got all wound up about this and would like to know if I'm BU and need to let it go or if I'm right to be annoyed and WWYD.

DD is in her last year of primary and has her leavers dance/prom to go to (we don't have a date yet but I'd assume around June). Given that this is February I haven't given this too much thought other than thinking she can wear a dress she wore to a wedding last year, that she'll want her hair done and to go in a limo with all her friends.

So last week she comes home from school to tell me that one of the girls has invited 'everyone' to go in limos. Except she hasn't invited everyone, she has left out my DD, her bf and a girl with SN (there may be another 2 left out but DD isn't sure).

AIBU in thinking how dare this woman take away my daughters chance of attending her prom in a limo with the rest of her friends? They will all be going together and talking about their experience while my DD has been left out. She is going to go with her bf but a limo for 2 is a bit ott! It's really not fair that this has been taken away from her is it? She can't even invite another group of friends as they are all going already.

I'm also annoyed that the mum who has arranged all this is head of the pta. Does this make a difference? I think it does, I think she should have invited everyone and not left anyone out. Why has she done this in February about 4 months before the event, and is she the only one who knows the date/venue etc?

I'm really upset for DD, she'll still go and arrive with her bf, but I don't think it will be the same. And in the run up she'll have to put up with everyone talking about it. I don't know what the atmosphere will be like at the prom with so many going together and a few on the sidelines.

There is some history between this girl and DD but we are going back a few years when this girl picked on mine, excuse was her parents were splitting up. Since then they have been to each others birthdays. The girl told my DD that she and her bf weren't invited because they are too hyper.

I am finding it hard to believe that anyone would exclude a few girls like this and wonder whether I should phone this woman and ask if she realises what she has done and did she mean to do it? But then am I going to look like an idiot and make it worse for DD? DD's esteem and confidence has taken quite a knock and she isn't looking forward to the prom as much now. She has been through a hard time and it would have been really nice if she had something to look forward to Sad

Sorry this is so long! AIBU and WWYD if you would do anything?

OP posts:
Vallhala · 28/02/2011 11:49

Sorry, just read your posts properly (fuming over dog abuse, not thinking straight!) and seen that the other parent isn't paying, just organising.

There's nothing to stop YOU organising too... you never know, some of the DC who originally wanted to go in other parent's limo might want to join your DD in her nicer mode of transport once they get to hear of it...

saintlyjimjams · 28/02/2011 11:52

Presumably the limo only carries a certain number.

If only 3 have been left out please don't organise something for your dd and bf and then leave out the girl with SN. That would be awful.

Emmanana · 28/02/2011 11:54

Further still, amongst your DD's group, is there a Hunky Dad, Uncle, etc who can dress in a tux, travel with them, and when they arrive, offer a hand to elegantly assist them as they alight from the car? (as the limo occupants bend half double emerging from the tobacco tin on wheels) Smile

worraliberty · 28/02/2011 11:55

OMG a prom for primary pupils? What happened to the school leavers disco?

Suchffun · 28/02/2011 12:00

YANBU to be upset that your DD has been excluded from something that the majority of her peers have been invited to. Its just bad manners, rude and hurtful.

I'd speak to the mum first and ask if there had been a misunderstanding, because of course you couldn't imagine her organising something that excluded people. If she then says that yes, she has purposefully left out a handful of people, I would go to the school and suggest that they have a tactful word about inclusion and being a decent person.

If my child wanted to invite 90% of the class to something, I wouldn't just shrug my shoulders and say 'what can you do' - I'd tell them no and teach them some manners.

Original poster
mmsmum · 28/02/2011 12:05

Emma thanks for the car idea but we have had bereavements so the car wouldn't be good but I like the paps and flashes!

Evildead I really don't know what to say to that

Sorry, I should have said in my op that the cost for the cars is being divided equally between all the girls.

Thanks for all the ideas! I'll definitely look into them. Perth is a bit far north but that's a cool car!

Val are you suggesting I send out alternative invites! That is naughty lol

I'm starting to feel much better about this and can't wait til DD gets home to tell her all the ideas I have! She has been down about it.

To clairfy, I wouldn't dream of leaving anyone out and if the girl with SN doesn't reply to the written invite I will track down her mum and ask in person.

I am now of the opinion that limos are tacky Grin

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 28/02/2011 12:11

I thought that this was going to be about yr 11-whatever excitement is there to look forward to if they have limos and proms at 11yrs?! Utterly dreadful!
I would try and have a movement to get it all banned -a leavers disco is enough-leave something to look forward too later. I think it so sad that they have so much so soon.

thunderbird69 · 28/02/2011 12:12

What about the boys in the class - how are they getting there? Maybe your DD could travel in a limo with them?

I am another that has never heard of proms for primary schools. Confused

curlymama · 28/02/2011 12:14

mmsmum, yes, I would tell the school because if they have information like that then they may be able to do something to limit any upset felt during school hours. I'm not saying they should do anything, but it is good for them to know. Teachers at mt dc's school quite often get them hyped up about going to the school discos, but if they were aware that it might be a source of upset for some, I'm sure they would play it down a bit. You could just tell them in a calm sort of 'I just wanted to make you aware' type way.

Or, the idea about organising something bigger and better and inviting your dd's friends is a good one. Grin

exoticfruits · 28/02/2011 12:26

I don't know where you live, but I have never heard of a proms in year 6. I would write to the school governors, the PTA and the Head and nip it in the bud now-they surely can't want something so OTT-do they even know about it? It is dire and I am so pleased that mine are older if this is the shape of things to come.

Original poster
mmsmum · 28/02/2011 12:28

Wouldn't DD get a name for herself arriving with the boys lol I am good friends with one of the boys Mum's but I haven't really discussed this with anyone else as I don't want to look like I'm going around moaning or putting anyone down

Curly I will send a little note her class teacher to let her know, thanks for that, I hadn't thought about the teacher making a fuss in class and not realising what has happened.

I like the way you all think, bigger and better is definitely the way to go! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
mmsmum · 28/02/2011 12:30

Hi Exotic, We are in Glasgow and it's not just our school, or our year, it's everyone and it's been like this since DD started school. It really has become the norm. Besides it is the pta that organises the prom and the mum who is organising the limos is head of the pta!

Who knows what happens in secondary school, but it won't be long til I find out!

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 28/02/2011 12:32

Yes, you are a bit far away from Perth. What a shame.

But google classic car for hire in your area and see what comes up. The Jaguar is a stunning car.

sue52 · 28/02/2011 12:35

YANBU to feel upset for your daughter, but limos for year 6 are very, very unreasonable.

diddl · 28/02/2011 12:46

Are you sure that she has asked everyone except a few if she would like them to arrange a limo for them?

Which friends would your daughter have chosen to go with and can you still phone their mums about it?

The problem is that there will always be "crossover friends", and I guess this mum has done it so that her daughter gets who she wants with her.

Wrong not to ask everyone though.

Newgolddream · 28/02/2011 12:50

I dont live too far away from Glasgow and proms for kids leaving primary 7 to go to secondary school are not the norm here thank god, I totally disagree with them, although leaving secondary school proms are commohn, cost me a lot of money last year! And thats the problem, where I might not agree there is no way I would want my boys to feel left out, I think I got off lightly mind you listening to the prices of the girls dresses!

Anyway back to you - no I dont think YABU, I would try and speak to the Mum and the school. Are you the school that was on the BBC Scotland prog a bit back about primary school proms, it was awful seeing the pressure to spend a fortune on those little kids.

LaurieFairyCake · 28/02/2011 12:52

I too think you should do something different for your dd

maybe they could feckin' walk there

diddl · 28/02/2011 12:54

"Besides it is the pta that organises the prom and the mum who is organising the limos is head of the pta!"

Then if she is organising in that capacity, she has to ask everyone.

Can you ask someone else on the PTA about it?

Say that you appear to have been overlooked?

Bloodymary · 28/02/2011 12:57

You know that you will have to hire a helicoptor dont you. No doubt about it.

Seriously, arrange a nice sports car, convertable would be good.

Original poster
mmsmum · 28/02/2011 13:04

Diddl I don't think of asking someone else in the pta, they would probably tell me to phone her herself. I don't know what capacity it has been organised under, whether it was a group decision and she has taken charge, or if it is as a mum for her child but I don't think it's part of the pta as surely she would have had to invited everyone. We haven't any info. from the school or pta about it yet. But I am sure she has asked everyone except DD, her bf and at least one other girl, maybe two more. But everyone else is going together.

New no not that school, I didn't watch that programme as DD and I know a few pupils there.

lol at helicopter, I do not want to end up on the news, mumsnet is public enough lol

OP posts:
PlanetEarth · 28/02/2011 13:06

My kids' school also has a limo tradition (Scotland). But everyone that wants to go is included - it's not a "treat" for one child and her bosom buddies, it's a shared experience.

I thought it was a bit OTT too when I first heard about it, but if everyone else is doing it I wouldn't be the one to say "Sorry kids, it's against my principles so you can stay home while everyone else tours round in a limo."

mrsscoob · 28/02/2011 13:06

YANBU I think it is disgusting that only your DD and a couple of others have been left out. I would probably go and speak to the head about it tbh, it is a school event after all, just tell her what you have told us and see what he/she makes of it?

Mists · 28/02/2011 13:11

LOL at Laurie. Fecking walking there is exactly what DD will be doing, it's only round the corner!

I was having a right old moan last week to another parent complaining that my daughter wants to go totally OTT and how I think it's too much expense for what is essentially a school disco.

She told that that she could easily give me some tips on hair, make-up, nails and limos since it was her idea in the first place and had helped organise it for three years. Oh shit.

BottleOfRum · 28/02/2011 13:15

Can you clarify something, OP.

Are you saying that the date of the prom hasn't been announced formally yet, but that the PTA obviously decided it, then the head of the PTA organised a limo that didn't include two or three kids, without even 'formally' announcing the date.

If so, I think you should definitely tell the school. Its very rude of that mum to use her 'insider knowledge' to organise a limo before any other parent could organise anything to 'rival' her, so to speak.

squeakytoy · 28/02/2011 13:21

After reading the Op, I would say speak to the mother first, because it seems nothing official has been confirmed by an adult, and this could all be playground politics.