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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU WWYD Proms and Limos

238 replies

mmsmum · 28/02/2011 10:39

Hi all,

I have got all wound up about this and would like to know if I'm BU and need to let it go or if I'm right to be annoyed and WWYD.

DD is in her last year of primary and has her leavers dance/prom to go to (we don't have a date yet but I'd assume around June). Given that this is February I haven't given this too much thought other than thinking she can wear a dress she wore to a wedding last year, that she'll want her hair done and to go in a limo with all her friends.

So last week she comes home from school to tell me that one of the girls has invited 'everyone' to go in limos. Except she hasn't invited everyone, she has left out my DD, her bf and a girl with SN (there may be another 2 left out but DD isn't sure).

AIBU in thinking how dare this woman take away my daughters chance of attending her prom in a limo with the rest of her friends? They will all be going together and talking about their experience while my DD has been left out. She is going to go with her bf but a limo for 2 is a bit ott! It's really not fair that this has been taken away from her is it? She can't even invite another group of friends as they are all going already.

I'm also annoyed that the mum who has arranged all this is head of the pta. Does this make a difference? I think it does, I think she should have invited everyone and not left anyone out. Why has she done this in February about 4 months before the event, and is she the only one who knows the date/venue etc?

I'm really upset for DD, she'll still go and arrive with her bf, but I don't think it will be the same. And in the run up she'll have to put up with everyone talking about it. I don't know what the atmosphere will be like at the prom with so many going together and a few on the sidelines.

There is some history between this girl and DD but we are going back a few years when this girl picked on mine, excuse was her parents were splitting up. Since then they have been to each others birthdays. The girl told my DD that she and her bf weren't invited because they are too hyper.

I am finding it hard to believe that anyone would exclude a few girls like this and wonder whether I should phone this woman and ask if she realises what she has done and did she mean to do it? But then am I going to look like an idiot and make it worse for DD? DD's esteem and confidence has taken quite a knock and she isn't looking forward to the prom as much now. She has been through a hard time and it would have been really nice if she had something to look forward to Sad

Sorry this is so long! AIBU and WWYD if you would do anything?

OP posts:
JemAndTheHolograms · 28/02/2011 22:58

Oh FGS, limos for bloody 11 year olds! When DSD had her primary leavers prom her and her friends all went in a limo. (£10 each for 10 of them so cost wasn't too bad). DH and I were Hmm but she went on and on so... In contrast at her secondary school leavers prom when she was 16, she got dressed up and went to the prom. I asked was there to be no limo this time, she replied that no, it left them with more money to go out afterwards and get pissed. Grin

If either of my dds want a limo for their primary leavers prom they will be told a firm no!

AnnyR · 28/02/2011 23:18

Oh, I am just so glad that my sons have left school - I just can hardly believe this nonsense. At 11 years old FGS!

SeeJaneKick · 28/02/2011 23:29

I think if it were me....I would come over all duplicitous and sly...ys I would...I would trump that womans limo and book something far better...and then invite some of the other girls to take part...and then instruct DD to put the downers on chavvy limos.

Call around everyone you know...ask for favours...someone must have some connection to get DD a better vehicle or even a slightly famous person to escort them there.

Catnao · 01/03/2011 00:13

AnnyR and others - yes! A limo? For an end of PRIMARY SCHOOL "prom"?? I can't believe it!

SeeJaneKick · 01/03/2011 00:17

Well it's all very well knocking it...andI think it's daft too...but what's the OP to DO? Nobody wants their child to feel/be left out! All very well taking the moral high ground if there's a bunch of you....but if all the others are in it...well...your child would have to have the emotional maturity of a 35 year old woman to cope with it!

amiheartless · 01/03/2011 00:27

it sounds like this woman has been mean intentionally, I think you have to make the decision of ringing her though only you can gage how she will react

SeeJaneKick · 01/03/2011 00:31

I kid of agree hartless...I mean what could be lost? A bit of pride? That's already hurt. I would speak to her....on the phone might be best....ask her why and tell her how upset DD is...have you told any othr parents what this --cow- woman has done?

I want to bloody speak to her myself! Have all the kids paid their share already?

Why don't you put it about that the company who she has hired from have one of their drivers under investigation...and then handily re-organise a limo from a "safe" company....ooh no...that's getting evil isn't it.

Ignore my evil advice...am a notriously duplicitous cow when crossed.

Stac2011 · 01/03/2011 00:58

mmsmum i'm glasgow southside and ds's 'prom' is this year. As far as i know they are mixing the limos so nobody is left out.

I totally agree that it has got ridiculous to have a prom for 11year olds but it has been going on for a few years. When i left p7 we had a ceilidh which we walked too. YANBU, I for one would be raging at my kid being left out. Speak to the woman it may just be her daughter spouting what she wants. Let us know how you get on

exoticfruits · 01/03/2011 07:50

'...but what's the OP to DO?'

Talk to the Head, Governors, PTA and get it stopped-it isn't until the summer. Have a family BBQ on the school field where little girls can wear shorts and Tshirts and play rounders etc!

ItsJustAName · 01/03/2011 07:55

OTT for 11 to be honest, but, putting that to one side, maybe the limo couldn't fit them all, so she had to choose a specific number of classmates.

I don't think the fact that she volunteers her own spare time to run the PTA should have any bearing on it either.

Buda · 01/03/2011 08:17

Well my DS would LOVE a limo! Or even better a Hummer. However he would not want GIRLS in it! Heaven forbid!

If I were you OP, I would call the woman concerned in her capacity as head of the PTA and say something along the lines of "I just wondered if you knew anything about the prom/limo? DD seems to think that a limo has been organised for some of the girls but I am sure she has the wrong end of the stick as the date hasn't even been announced yet has it? It would be a shame if some went in a limo and some were left out wouldn't it?" And see what she says. Or have same conversation with head. In fact I would just have the convo with the head!

SeeJaneKick · 01/03/2011 08:38

Exotic....I dont reckon her chances much....if she is the only parent to voice concerns...or one of a few...they'll just say she is in a minority. it sounds like one person having a tantrum because of social reasons...like she would have been ine with it all had her DD been included...but now she's not...oh well nobdy can go.

I don't think they're right ether and am glad we don't have them.

I think Buda is on th right lines...her approach is good.

SeeJaneKick · 01/03/2011 08:39

If schools are allowing this nonsense then they have a duty to ensure it is good for ALL not just the select few.

exoticfruits · 01/03/2011 08:44

I agree with SeeJaneKick-if the school is allowing such nonsense, they must be responsible for ensuring fairness. Surely she can't be a minority-who in their right mind wants proms for 11yr olds?!

PlanetEarth · 01/03/2011 08:48

You all may think it's nonsense because you've been watching too much Super Sweet 16. But having had 2 daughters do this for primary leaving, it's not like that at all.

Girls had nice dresses (but not that cost £100's like the overblown stuff on the telly, most probably came from TKMaxx or New Look), boys had kilts (and looked fab), yes they had a tour in a limo before the party but it wasn't one-up-manship and showing off, there were no drama queens and ridiculous demands, it was just a rite of passage on the way to secondary school. And why not?

SeeJaneKick · 01/03/2011 09:00

Planet...the idea has come from what is essentially an American show of wealth and social success...there are some elements of the whole which are unattractive.

YOUR child's "prom" went well...did it go well for all of the kids?

If they need a rite of passage then there are a million other ways they could celebrate...

Maryz · 01/03/2011 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PlanetEarth · 01/03/2011 09:08

Yes, all the kids had a great time. You weren't there, I was! And I'm not sure it has come from an American show of wealth and social success - I'm not local myself but plenty of the parents who are local had something similar themselves. A lot of traditions that people think of as American actually have longstanding counterparts here (e.g. trick-or-treating/guising).

shewasashowgirl · 01/03/2011 09:09

YANBU but I can't quite get passed the limo thing. Luckily where we live I have never seen one of those grotesque chavtastic things.

shewasashowgirl · 01/03/2011 09:14

The stretch limo thing started back in the early 90's when Planet Hollywood 'restaurant' opened in London. They imported a limo to sit outside the restaurant and drive round Piccadilly Circus to cause a promotional stir. Then slowly more and more were imported until they started being used for parents to make themselves their kids feel special.

weegiemum · 01/03/2011 09:15

I'm not liking this being portrayed as a 'Scottish' thing. I'm in Glasgow - Southside - have been here for 5 years, kids in our street go to on my count 6 different primary schools and I have never heard of this.

OP I haven't been "under a rock" as you put it. I just don't accept that this is the norm.

But it is wrong that your dd has been left out. However, is one-upmanship the way to go? I think that's petty.

SeeJaneKick · 01/03/2011 09:15

No Planet. The tradition hre in the UKK has always been a bit of an informal knees up...no limo's or posh frocks...a disco at most.

I know that the "prom" in the American sense came from the UK tradition of a Debutante's ball...debs being rich...and MUCH older than 11!

The origins of the prom do indeed lie within the realms of social success and flaunting your wealth....it was basically a arriage market...a place for young wome to be paraded in their best clothes in the hope of catching a good husand.

The American Proms
In the late1800s, promenades made their way into American history. The elite colleges of the Northeastern region of the United States were the educational homes of debutantes and wealthy Americans. Grand ballswhere women dressed in formal evening gowns and men adorned tuxedoswere customary for the upper class of American society. It was only fitting that their children followed suit; in their last year of college life prior to entering the adult world, young adults experienced a grand ball in their honor.

SeeJaneKick · 01/03/2011 09:17

It's a UK wide thing...not just Scotland. Some areas will embrace it more though. I think it needs squashing firm;ly really but there will always be deluded Mothers who think there's no harm in it and will actually raise the issue themselves if a school does not organise it.

"What aboout their prom? Aren't they having a chance to dress up and flant themselves?"

PlanetEarth · 01/03/2011 09:29

Actually it hasn't, SeeJaneKick. Was just searching, and found this... (search down for 'Qually Dance', from context it must be around 1950's). There were no limo's then, I'm sure, and I can't comment on the dresses, but I don't think the actual party wasn't a disco or a knees-up, it was similar to now with Scottish dancing.

And the whole evening really isn't a vulgar display of wealth!

Stac2011 · 01/03/2011 09:33

I have lived here all my life and its a recent thing over the past few years. I went to the same primary school as ds and as i had said we didnt do it nor did my sister who was there ten years ago.

I think the point is regardless of tackiness or however the prom/limo is perceived that 3 girls have blatantly been left out of limo and that is wrong. Either the mum is being nasty or the little girl is. You should call the mum

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