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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU WWYD Proms and Limos

238 replies

mmsmum · 28/02/2011 10:39

Hi all,

I have got all wound up about this and would like to know if I'm BU and need to let it go or if I'm right to be annoyed and WWYD.

DD is in her last year of primary and has her leavers dance/prom to go to (we don't have a date yet but I'd assume around June). Given that this is February I haven't given this too much thought other than thinking she can wear a dress she wore to a wedding last year, that she'll want her hair done and to go in a limo with all her friends.

So last week she comes home from school to tell me that one of the girls has invited 'everyone' to go in limos. Except she hasn't invited everyone, she has left out my DD, her bf and a girl with SN (there may be another 2 left out but DD isn't sure).

AIBU in thinking how dare this woman take away my daughters chance of attending her prom in a limo with the rest of her friends? They will all be going together and talking about their experience while my DD has been left out. She is going to go with her bf but a limo for 2 is a bit ott! It's really not fair that this has been taken away from her is it? She can't even invite another group of friends as they are all going already.

I'm also annoyed that the mum who has arranged all this is head of the pta. Does this make a difference? I think it does, I think she should have invited everyone and not left anyone out. Why has she done this in February about 4 months before the event, and is she the only one who knows the date/venue etc?

I'm really upset for DD, she'll still go and arrive with her bf, but I don't think it will be the same. And in the run up she'll have to put up with everyone talking about it. I don't know what the atmosphere will be like at the prom with so many going together and a few on the sidelines.

There is some history between this girl and DD but we are going back a few years when this girl picked on mine, excuse was her parents were splitting up. Since then they have been to each others birthdays. The girl told my DD that she and her bf weren't invited because they are too hyper.

I am finding it hard to believe that anyone would exclude a few girls like this and wonder whether I should phone this woman and ask if she realises what she has done and did she mean to do it? But then am I going to look like an idiot and make it worse for DD? DD's esteem and confidence has taken quite a knock and she isn't looking forward to the prom as much now. She has been through a hard time and it would have been really nice if she had something to look forward to

Sorry this is so long! AIBU and WWYD if you would do anything?

OP posts:

Maryz · 03/03/2011 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hidenseek · 03/03/2011 19:31

I have just phoned my PTA-leading soon-to-be-MIL to get her opinion and she is as horrified as I am. Have only just read through the thread or I would've been horrified earlier! PTA MIL thinks your PTA-nutjob is a bitch.

OP, you have done the right thing for your DD. You have been calm and dignified and you have fought for your child, all things which are very important examples to her.

I hope she has a wonderful time when the prom is finally here for her!

Original poster

mmsmum · 03/03/2011 19:41

Scottishmummy DD knows some kids at that school, they are nice kids, they are also very rich kids!

Mary we have 4 confirmed, a 5th girl yet to say and we are finding out what the boys are up to. You are right it was a lovely offer, and I'll keep it in mind

Thanks hidenseek, you have said some lovely things!

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 03/03/2011 19:45

im not talking about your dd school!talking about link i posted

pointydog · 03/03/2011 19:54

I think schools should ban all proms now. Forthwith.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 03/03/2011 19:57

I've been following this and fwiw I think you are entirely in the right and have done all the right things, and the other mum is an unpleasant piece of work

I think it's actually pretty pathetic, the other mum acting so childishly, and her attitude is not going to do her dd any favours in the long run. As the girls go on to secondary school, other mum will find it less easy to "control" her dd's friendships.

I'm sure you will find a way to make the day special for your dd- good luck, and let us know how they get on

hidenseek · 03/03/2011 20:06

You are very welcome mmsmum! I can't stand this type of exclusion. Your DD is lucky to have a levelheaded mum to sort this out for her, it could so easily have been upsetting for her if you hadn't been so proactive about figuring it all out.

Best of luck with the arrangements!

Original poster

mmsmum · 03/03/2011 20:29

Thanks again everyone

OP posts:

SeeJaneKick · 03/03/2011 20:37

Oh well done OP! You've managed it very well and this woman has been good and told!

Her actions were wrong...you gave her a chance toredeem herself and she opted out....now all you have to do is create a MUCH better entrnce for DD and her mates.

I think you should definately get DDs hair done by a pro unless you're good....I also think you shoul have some sort of athering for our DD and her mates....soft drink "cocktails" and canapes kind of thing.... {pop and crisps basically!)

And your DD sounds like she's gother head on right...laughing at Violet Elizabeth Bott like that!

Stac2011 · 04/03/2011 01:21

well done op! She sounds a total fruit lol. I agree with the others give your daughter a night to remember. Good on your dd laughing at the little madam. Let us know what you decide for transport

Pollo · 04/03/2011 02:54

Prom/limo for this age OTT IMHO. I know motherhood may leave you totally exhausted but I would decorate my own car with balloons etc and go with the pap idea (have the photographers in the car with you to leap out when you get to the school). Find a sample of red carpet, a cheap red mat or even just a piece of red fabric and get her photographed standing on it. Use a hand torch for a 'microphone' and interview her on the red carpet. If the pta mother's crowd make fun of your DD, then have a quiet word. You do not have to compete and the pta mother may just being trying to buy favour with other parents - this is not just about the children, it's about parental status. Don't buy into it. Explain to your DD that the other mother just threw money but you put in both time and thought.

diddl · 04/03/2011 06:48

OP-what does your daughter want?

TBH I think trying to outdo the other woman is stooping to her level.

What she did was underhand, but that does not prevent your daughter going to the prom/having a limo if she wants.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 04/03/2011 11:13

OP - well done. Don't want to name-call, but what the woman did was underhand and mean, and I am glad you called her on it.

Hope your DD and her friends have a lovely time...I liked the camper van idea... how about finding a dormobile and them all dressing up as 60s hippy chicks, flowers in their hair, arriving to blaring out 60s pop music - much nicer than prom dresses and limos.

But am so so so glad my DD just had a BBQ when she left primary school!

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