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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU WWYD Proms and Limos

238 replies

mmsmum · 28/02/2011 10:39

Hi all,

I have got all wound up about this and would like to know if I'm BU and need to let it go or if I'm right to be annoyed and WWYD.

DD is in her last year of primary and has her leavers dance/prom to go to (we don't have a date yet but I'd assume around June). Given that this is February I haven't given this too much thought other than thinking she can wear a dress she wore to a wedding last year, that she'll want her hair done and to go in a limo with all her friends.

So last week she comes home from school to tell me that one of the girls has invited 'everyone' to go in limos. Except she hasn't invited everyone, she has left out my DD, her bf and a girl with SN (there may be another 2 left out but DD isn't sure).

AIBU in thinking how dare this woman take away my daughters chance of attending her prom in a limo with the rest of her friends? They will all be going together and talking about their experience while my DD has been left out. She is going to go with her bf but a limo for 2 is a bit ott! It's really not fair that this has been taken away from her is it? She can't even invite another group of friends as they are all going already.

I'm also annoyed that the mum who has arranged all this is head of the pta. Does this make a difference? I think it does, I think she should have invited everyone and not left anyone out. Why has she done this in February about 4 months before the event, and is she the only one who knows the date/venue etc?

I'm really upset for DD, she'll still go and arrive with her bf, but I don't think it will be the same. And in the run up she'll have to put up with everyone talking about it. I don't know what the atmosphere will be like at the prom with so many going together and a few on the sidelines.

There is some history between this girl and DD but we are going back a few years when this girl picked on mine, excuse was her parents were splitting up. Since then they have been to each others birthdays. The girl told my DD that she and her bf weren't invited because they are too hyper.

I am finding it hard to believe that anyone would exclude a few girls like this and wonder whether I should phone this woman and ask if she realises what she has done and did she mean to do it? But then am I going to look like an idiot and make it worse for DD? DD's esteem and confidence has taken quite a knock and she isn't looking forward to the prom as much now. She has been through a hard time and it would have been really nice if she had something to look forward to Sad

Sorry this is so long! AIBU and WWYD if you would do anything?

OP posts:
Ephiny · 01/03/2011 12:23

Proms and limos for 11 year olds? Seriously? I thought the prom was for 18 year old school leavers, isn't that how it is in the US where the tradition comes from?

It does seem weird to invite the whole class except two or three girls though, hopefully it is just an oversight.

diddl · 01/03/2011 12:27

"Diddl I know, but what can I do?!"

I know, if it does happen that way, then it doesn´t solve the problem of if she deliberately left some out.

Would you go along with the limo if she offers?

Original poster
mmsmum · 01/03/2011 21:22

Hi, Just wanted to let you all know that she hasn't phoned, and do you know DD said she wouldn't! DD has met her at parties and said she doesn't seem very nice and probably won't phone, she's obviously a good judge of character!

Diddl good question, I don't know if DD would want to go now but it'll be up to her if she gets the chance to choose

So, should I track down this woman's number or just leave it?

AIBU to think that she would have phoned me?

OP posts:
mrsgetonwithit · 01/03/2011 21:26

Could you arrange your own limo [or whatever] and invite a few of dd friends as if you know nothing about the other limo?

Sorry if this has been said before.

Original poster
mmsmum · 01/03/2011 21:33

Mrs no, as she will know I know now and it still hasn't been announced by the school. It's been suggested I do something bigger and better for DD which I think I will

OP posts:
mrsgetonwithit · 01/03/2011 21:36

ok.....another idea............put an advert in a paper or shop window asking if anybody has a classic car that would be willing to take a few kids to the prom in, and possibly involve the local paper.

GotArt · 01/03/2011 21:55

Limos for 11 year olds is beyond OTT. Shock

Just because all the girls in class have been invited doesn't mean all the girls are going to be able to afford to pay, as you said they are all paying their own way. (Keeping watch later when a parent on here says AIBU that just because my daughter was invited to go in the limo with all the other girls in class for primary graduation mean I have to let her even though I can't afford it and it means by her not going she's being excluded and costing the other parents more money cause they will have to pick up the difference?)

If you want to go way OTT than a bloody limo to make a statement, a fanciful horse and carriage for arrival would be nice.

SeeJaneKick · 01/03/2011 22:02

I would track the bitch woman right down ...but as I said I am OTT about my family.

I would grab waylay her at the school gates and say with a lovely smile "Oh hi! I've been trying to get hold of you about the finalisations of the Limos you've kindly arranged for the whole class...DD isn't sure when and where the pick up is."

And then with a smile.

If she is hardfaced enough to say "Oh butyour DD isn't invited"

Then I would say "Oh...who did the inviting?"

She'd have to admit that she took over the job and it's not HER place to invite or not invite kids...if she's asked the majority.

If it really looks bad then I would go to some other parents an tell tem what she ha done and see if some of them would come over to your side and have another group in a limo which you book.

Maryz · 01/03/2011 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeeJaneKick · 01/03/2011 22:20

OOoh I like Maryz idea! Yes! If you cannot get the invite to copy just send the reply....

Or book a pink limo and send some amazing invtes out to some of the girls...with wording like

"Molly would like you to join her in sharing Cheryl Cole's regular Limo and driver for Prom Night."

Parents please call me to discuss times, pick u and details.

The kids will be all Shock and want to go in your limo...and they'll hassle their parents into letting them....and when the parents call that's the time to discuss the shared cost.

Nobody wold doubt the Cheryl Cole thing was a lie. Give the driver 20 quid to play along

SeeJaneKick · 01/03/2011 22:21

I'm coming over like a sociopath aren't I?

I'm not honest! Grin I just have a vivid imagination and Italian lineage...

trixymalixy · 01/03/2011 22:26

Hi, hope you get this sorted, but if not I live in Glasgow and DH has a couple of classic cars. I'm sure if I asked he would be a chauffeur for the night!!

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 02/03/2011 07:15

OP - this sort of exclusion makes me really mad - and what makes this so much worse is 1) the fact she's the head of the PTA, and 2) the fact she's excluded such a small no of children including one with SN.

I think it's great you have been given so many great ideas, but I wouldnt want to let this woman get away with this.

Tbh she just may not have called you yet, but I would go in with all guns blazing as this is blatantly discriminatory and inappropriate in her role as chair of the PTA. If you had her no. I would call her and say 'my DD has the wrong end of the stick - am sure in your official position you would not be doing something so discriminatory as this would you', which gives her the chance to fix it quietly. If she refuses I would go back to the school, and in writing.

SeeJaneKick · 02/03/2011 07:33

Agree that mentioning the offiial positio is going to make somehthing happen...most peopl like this woman are terrified of losing their power and that would pu the fear into her.

And going to the school in writing is good too...it makes their role in things more official...they DO have a responsibiliy.

Original poster
mmsmum · 02/03/2011 12:44

Update!

I've just had a text message from the mum saying that the school have asked her to contact me about the limo but she isn't sure why. Said she is just organising one for her DD and about 4 or 5 of her friends. Also said she knows others are organising for themselves.

I've said thanks for getting in touch and I'll phone her after work.

There are 13 girls in DDs class, so 'others' really doesn't make sense. I'll give her a ring tonight and see what happens as it's really not the story I'm getting from everyone else. But what to say to her?

Previous year groups have got together and got limos for everyone to leave from the school gates, why did DD have to be in a year with people like this?!

Looks like I'll speak to her bf's mum, arrange something ourselves and the girls can invite whom ever they please, if they even want to invite anyone anymore!

Just had a thought, what if the 'others' she is referring to is bf's Mum who was trying to do something for the left out girls?

OP posts:
Maryz · 02/03/2011 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 02/03/2011 12:58

"She is being a bitch. She has invited the "cool" girls from the 13 to keep her daughter happy"

Possibly so.

Doesn´t really make her a bitch though-if it´s true that she´s organising for her daughter & 5 friends, she´s entitled to do so.

She´s got in first is all.

Possibly because she knew the date first due to being on the PTA-which is underhand.

So, OP can organise for her daughter & BF, or for everyone else.

TrillianAstra · 02/03/2011 13:02

6 (incluing her daughter) out of 13 is a bit different to the 'inviting everyone except your daughter and her friend' that you started the story with.

Ephiny · 02/03/2011 13:26

Yes I wonder if your DD might have got the wrong end of the stick about 'everyone' having limos etc organised for them by this mum? Quite possibly there are others going but with separate arrangement made by other parents? She's not necessarily being a 'bitch' for not wanting to arrange and pay for limos for the entire class beyond her daughter's closest friends.

Hopefully it'll all be sorted out when you have a chat later!

Original poster
mmsmum · 02/03/2011 13:33

Should I suggest we 'team up' and get two limos so everyone can go together? I honestly don't know if there would be any point if she is a bitch

My DD wasn't the first person that told me about this though, it was her bf's mum, DD only told me about it after I'd asked her. She hadn't wanted to tell me about it. It is definitely only a few girls being left out and it is her daughter who is going round saying who is going and who isn't, no-one else. Which is why I wondered if she is referring to my DD's bf's mum when she said 'others' and that was in response to her leaving some out. I really don't think it is just 4 or 5, and I know I might be reading too much into it but why not give an exact number? I generally know how many people I've invited to something.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 02/03/2011 13:35

Yes. Suggest you arrange 2 limos to collect all from school. That would be the grown up thing to do.

diddl · 02/03/2011 13:40

It does sound as if the other mother has organised for for as many as she wants, doesn´t it?

I think you either have to do something just for your bf & daughter or everyone else.

Would it be difficult to find out who else isn´t included?

Which would your daughter preferto do?

diddl · 02/03/2011 13:41

I agree that it would be the "grown up" thing to do.

But if your daughter wants to do something with just her bf that isn´t a limo...

Maryz · 02/03/2011 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mmsmum · 02/03/2011 14:14

You are all being helpful, thank you!

I'm starting to get nervous about phoning her now. I think DD would love meeting all her classmates and going together, she would also enjoy a fancy car with her bf. I don't want to bring it up with her again tonight as I think I'm making it worse.

I will suggest getting limos for everyone and meeting at the school. What's the worst she can say?

If she says no I will just arrange something for DD. I don't know if I'd be comfortable inviting the whole class to something and look like I'm trying to take this girls friends away from her

OP posts: