AIBU WWYD Proms and Limos

[mmsmum]

Hi all,

I have got all wound up about this and would like to know if I'm BU and need to let it go or if I'm right to be annoyed and WWYD.

DD is in her last year of primary and has her leavers dance/prom to go to (we don't have a date yet but I'd assume around June). Given that this is February I haven't given this too much thought other than thinking she can wear a dress she wore to a wedding last year, that she'll want her hair done and to go in a limo with all her friends.

So last week she comes home from school to tell me that one of the girls has invited 'everyone' to go in limos. Except she hasn't invited everyone, she has left out my DD, her bf and a girl with SN (there may be another 2 left out but DD isn't sure).

AIBU in thinking how dare this woman take away my daughters chance of attending her prom in a limo with the rest of her friends? They will all be going together and talking about their experience while my DD has been left out. She is going to go with her bf but a limo for 2 is a bit ott! It's really not fair that this has been taken away from her is it? She can't even invite another group of friends as they are all going already.

I'm also annoyed that the mum who has arranged all this is head of the pta. Does this make a difference? I think it does, I think she should have invited everyone and not left anyone out. Why has she done this in February about 4 months before the event, and is she the only one who knows the date/venue etc?

I'm really upset for DD, she'll still go and arrive with her bf, but I don't think it will be the same. And in the run up she'll have to put up with everyone talking about it. I don't know what the atmosphere will be like at the prom with so many going together and a few on the sidelines.

There is some history between this girl and DD but we are going back a few years when this girl picked on mine, excuse was her parents were splitting up. Since then they have been to each others birthdays. The girl told my DD that she and her bf weren't invited because they are too hyper.

I am finding it hard to believe that anyone would exclude a few girls like this and wonder whether I should phone this woman and ask if she realises what she has done and did she mean to do it? But then am I going to look like an idiot and make it worse for DD? DD's esteem and confidence has taken quite a knock and she isn't looking forward to the prom as much now. She has been through a hard time and it would have been really nice if she had something to look forward to

Sorry this is so long! AIBU and WWYD if you would do anything?

YABU in as far as you had not organised anything and are now annoyed that another parent has and invited some of the people you may have chosen.

Just because she's head of the PTA doesnt mean she cant organise anything that doesnt involve all the children privately. She's still a mum. Different if she was using PTA funds but what she does in her private life is upto her.

I doubt she's the only one who knows the date, the head of the school is likely to have agreed the date and if it meant so much to your DD you could have asked.

Apart from adding to the "what?! Limo at 11?!" and "TACKY!" crowd, I would go the following evil and Machiavellian

Discuss it with the school and say you think that:

• limos for 11 year olds are inappropriate, for a myriad of reasons (tacky, materialistic, escalating one upmanship - what's next HELICOPTERs - and I do not lie, in my country it did get that way for 18 year old proms, there's nothing stopping 11 year olds given half a chance)
• children are being excluded, incluing one with SN which a) looks a bit like bullying and b) looks discriminatory
• the school should, ideally, step in to stop this madness

Naturally, the PTA mom can do what she wants in her spare time, but it must be made clear in what capacity she is acting.

' It really has become the norm.'

Good God!! So pleased I don't live in Scotland. They will be having one for passing out of nursery school next!!

Regardless of whether or not limos are tacky (and yes, of course they are, but so are loads of toys/junk/events that children love and we want to give them), there has been unfair exlusion here. I agree with all of the above posters who suggest approaching either the PTA mom / the school and finding out exactly what's been planned (bearing in mind that your daughter may have heard a mangled version of what is actually being planned). I would keep it all very upbeat and plough in there as though there couldn't POSSIBLY be a plan organised that didn't include everyone, could there now?! Good luck, this kind of school politics sounds horrible!

Gosh mmsmum I'm in Glasgow and I have never ever come across this!

Don't want to get snobby about it, but is it a West End sort of a thing???

How could a limo fit the whole class in apart from 3?? They only seat 12. Do you have very small classes? Or has this girl been given a number to invite and sadly your dd is not one of the chosen few?

The school cannot tell someone they can't hire a limo can they. Maybe a helicopter if it was going to land in the school grounds, but not a limo.

I agree it could be playground politics - check the facts before making a balloon of yourself! (Speaking as one who has launched in before being fully aware of the whole story)!

Happymumofone - for gawd's sake! MMsmum had thought about dd dress, hair and joint limo but was awaiting final details of date/venue from school (bearing in mind its only feb) when PTA mom (who has the info) decides to go ahead and do her own thing and exlude mmsmum dd, her bf and sn girl and poss 2 others.

mmsmum - I think chops gave you some good advice - call up PTA mom and say 'just calling re the prom, not had any details from school yet re date/venue but I understand that transport arrangements have been made - can you fill me in?' and see what she says. It may be that its an error/oversight that your dd and co are left out. I think its better to ask her for the info (not in a confrontational way) and then you can decide how to move forward.

If she has made arrangements for some and not others: Regardless of whether limos are tacky/suitable for 11 year olds that seems to be whats happening here - I would do what some of the others have suggested - invite all the boys plus the left out girls and club together for some other type of amazing transport (vintage bus, tractor, horse and cart,sportscar, white horses, whatever).

...then tell your dd that when she's 16, shes getting a lift of her dad and thats the lot!

I'd phone the headteacher and ask why the date of the prom hasn't been formally communicated to the parents and inform the head that it is very off that the head of the PTA is making arrangements in advance of other parents knowing the date. I'd mention that a limo has been booked for all the kids apart from 5 of them and that the insensitive actions of the head of the PTA should be looked into.

A work colleague said she went to her prom in a horse and cinderella type carriage with 5 other girls. Very OTT. But I think you should look at hiring something unusual and OTT to transport your DD and 2 others to prom.

BTW yes limos are tacky - but 11 year olds tend to like tacky.

"'just calling re the prom, not had any details from school yet re date/venue but I understand that transport arrangements have been made - can you fill me in?'"

That sounds like a good idea.

I'm going to try to answer everyone!

The prom isn't being held at the school, according to DD it's been a city centre hotel in the past.

lol at Mists

Rum yes, the date hasn't been announced yet and I am thinking the same thing you are, she is using her inside knowledge. I actually don't know if anyone else knows the date either, maybe she hasn't shared or has but just with limo girls

Happymumofone you've missed the point completely

Weegiemum have you been under a rock! lol You've really never heard? I'm the other side of the Clyde. It's big in Paisley as well, my friends DD had limos a good 4/5 years ago.

Thanks for all the replies. I suppose I better decide what to do now! I could a) Ignore and get something bigger and better for DD and the other girls, b) call the school or c)call the woman?

I think I'll go with b because that's less confrontational isn't it and I have another reason to phone so I could just drop this into the conversation couldn't I?

This morning I was leaning towards calling the woman but what if it degenerates into an argument, I just know I won't come out of it looking good

mmsmum - come back on and tell us what school said

Well I think if you need to phone the school you might as well ask them- why are limos being arranged when the date is not yet known -but they might just refer you to the pta if they organise it.

'The school cannot tell someone they can't hire a limo can they.'

They can refuse to run a prom-get most parents to boycott it by holding an ordinary disco in the school hall on the same night. I would start a counter movement pretty quickly to put a stop to such a ridiculous occasion.

Just posting to mark my place. I have nothing useful to add aside from WTF?! But I want to know what happens

I will have to stop reading-I can't think of anything more dire than limos and proms for 11 yr olds!! Horrible, horrible, horrible!

You're not being unreasonable, it's horrible to be left out. Can you speak to this parent and enquire about the three remaining children? If that doesn't work, perhaps speak to your DD's teacher to see what arrangements can be made. If the parent is arranging something for the class then nobody should be left out.

If all else fails, I know a lady whose DD went to her prom on a horse. :)

HappyMummyOfOne - YABU in as far as you had not organised anything and are now annoyed that another parent has and invited some of the people you may have chosen.

How can she organise something if she doesnt know the date because it hasnt been officially announced?? Unless shes psychic I would think this is impossible!

exotic fruits - it may well be the "norm" where OP lives but I can say its not the norm in Scotland.

Thank goodness for that Newgolddream! I have never heard of it anywhere-it is so sad not to leave them something special when older.(I bet the girls look dreadful all dolled up at that age-much better to have a pair of nice jeans and a Tshirt, and I think my DS would have had to be dragged or bribed to get him at that sort of 'do' at 11yrs!)