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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU WWYD Proms and Limos

238 replies

mmsmum · 28/02/2011 10:39

Hi all,

I have got all wound up about this and would like to know if I'm BU and need to let it go or if I'm right to be annoyed and WWYD.

DD is in her last year of primary and has her leavers dance/prom to go to (we don't have a date yet but I'd assume around June). Given that this is February I haven't given this too much thought other than thinking she can wear a dress she wore to a wedding last year, that she'll want her hair done and to go in a limo with all her friends.

So last week she comes home from school to tell me that one of the girls has invited 'everyone' to go in limos. Except she hasn't invited everyone, she has left out my DD, her bf and a girl with SN (there may be another 2 left out but DD isn't sure).

AIBU in thinking how dare this woman take away my daughters chance of attending her prom in a limo with the rest of her friends? They will all be going together and talking about their experience while my DD has been left out. She is going to go with her bf but a limo for 2 is a bit ott! It's really not fair that this has been taken away from her is it? She can't even invite another group of friends as they are all going already.

I'm also annoyed that the mum who has arranged all this is head of the pta. Does this make a difference? I think it does, I think she should have invited everyone and not left anyone out. Why has she done this in February about 4 months before the event, and is she the only one who knows the date/venue etc?

I'm really upset for DD, she'll still go and arrive with her bf, but I don't think it will be the same. And in the run up she'll have to put up with everyone talking about it. I don't know what the atmosphere will be like at the prom with so many going together and a few on the sidelines.

There is some history between this girl and DD but we are going back a few years when this girl picked on mine, excuse was her parents were splitting up. Since then they have been to each others birthdays. The girl told my DD that she and her bf weren't invited because they are too hyper.

I am finding it hard to believe that anyone would exclude a few girls like this and wonder whether I should phone this woman and ask if she realises what she has done and did she mean to do it? But then am I going to look like an idiot and make it worse for DD? DD's esteem and confidence has taken quite a knock and she isn't looking forward to the prom as much now. She has been through a hard time and it would have been really nice if she had something to look forward to Sad

Sorry this is so long! AIBU and WWYD if you would do anything?

OP posts:
GrungeBlobPrimpants · 28/02/2011 14:54

The thought of a primary school prom IN A HOTEL and competetive limo-upwomanship is making my head hurt, never mind limo invite etiquette

For first time last summer girls at my dc's school got a limo to the leavers disco - they were the 'cool girl' set. Reaction to said limo and entrance was:

1 WTF???? in head teacher's facial expression
2 WTF/Eurrgghhhhh in non-cool parents facial expressions
3 WTF/Borrrrring in boys facial expressions (who totally ignored mincing and parading by said girls which was supposed to be for boys benefit apparently)
4 Borrrrrrrrrring in non-cool girls expressions

God knows what's going to happen next year - I think fear is that it may set new standard/'norm'

I have a 15yr old DD who considers limos to be euuurrrghhh btw

diddl · 28/02/2011 14:57

"but if they are having them, then they should all be included"

Indeed.

But who decides that it´s what everyone/the majority want & therefore that everyone is willing to pay?

What a shame more parents aren´t willing to take a stand if they really do feel that this is OTT.

exoticfruits · 28/02/2011 14:58

Is it girls only-do they actually get the boys to attend? Just wondered as most 11 yr old boys I have know would refuse point blank!

Newgolddream · 28/02/2011 14:59

Maryz - I was quoting HappyMumofone - the bit saying "YABU" - is her post - not mine, I meant to highlight the whole thing!

Of course I dont agree that its ok to leave 3 kids out!

exoticfruits - totally agree with you, my DS had a prom last year but hes 17 - not 11 and was leaving secondary school (as it turns out he didnt leave and went back for more exams so is having another prom the end of this year lol). Never have heard of it for primary schools apart from these 2 schools that were on a programme on the BBC I watched a while back.

The programme I watched made me feel quite uncomfortable actually seeing all those wee girls dolled up in hair, make up and high heels. Plus it was all the one up manship from certain parents to spend as much money as possible, even if they could barely afford it. Mad!

It cost me £100 to hire a kilt for DSs prom last year but because he has a wee job he paid for his prom ticket which was £40 and the cost of his share of the limo, thought if he wanted it that much he might as well learn he has to contribute.

diddl · 28/02/2011 15:01

OP-have parents actually been asked if they want this?

When my children left primary school it was a BBQ in the school grounds-for parents & children.

EleanorJosie · 28/02/2011 15:03

I suppose limos aren't that expensive these days but it still feels a bit odd for eleven year olds...still I would approach it that the mum had 'forgotten' about the others and not meant to leave them out on purpose. I'd send her an e-mail to say that you may be mistaken, but it appears that all the class appear to be booked into limos apart from X, Y and Z, and that you are happy to book another one and perhaps could you think about reorganising the groups - wouldn't want anyone to feel left out, after all would we?

Browncoats · 28/02/2011 15:07

I have lived in the west end of Glasgow for most of my life and THANK GOD it's not the norm here so this is definately not a Glasgow or Scottish 'thing'.

I'd have no problem saying no to my kids if they requested a limo at the end of primary school for a 'prom' ffs, it's a fucking dance/disco/ceilidh. We are not American. It's not like they're leaving school, just going on to secondary. Hmm

Maryz · 28/02/2011 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

megapixels · 28/02/2011 15:13

YANBU to feel hurt that your DD has been left out.

As for the WWYD part of your post, well if it were me I'd just not let dd go in a limo even if "everyone" was doing it, but I'm mean like that. I think it's ridiculous, as many people have said here, mine would be just turned 10 when she leaves primary - if at that age she is being provided with limos and all the bells and whistles I don't know what will be left for the really special occasions ahead in the rest of her life. That'll be like putting on a bridal dress and veil for every birthday you have or something stupid like that.

Newgolddream · 28/02/2011 15:19

Thats ok maryz I should have highlighted the whole thing!! Grin

exoticfruits · 28/02/2011 15:21

DS hired a suit and a limo at 16yrs and enjoyed it, he would have loathed it at, what would have been, 10yrs in his case.

RobF · 28/02/2011 15:23

"Proms" should be banned in British schools, full stop. There is no reason to have them.

When I left primary school I think we had a disco with cake and crisps and pop.

Birdsgottafly · 28/02/2011 15:25

YANBU.

Proms and limos are the norm were i live. These are always organised by the PTA and all arangements have to be authorised by the Head. They have to be inclusive by law, (all my dcs schools have had a mix of sn and multi faith children). I would contact the PTA and the Head directly as the event cannot be the jurisdiction of one person if every pupil is paying their share. Do not allow her to hijack the celebration, unless she is exclusively paying for the venue.

EleanorJosie · 28/02/2011 15:32

At 16 we had a "prom" but all got dropped off in parents cars - limos were still something only flashy celebrities used then! It was lovely to see everyone looking so smart - the boys had DJs and the girls were all dressed up. Other than that it was pretty much a crisps and pop disco. We had the same sort of do on a smaller scale at the end of sixth form college. With alcohol involved there though if I remember rightly.

I do find it OTT for the end of primary school but I'd let my daughter go if they had one when she gets to end of PS.
I imagine the OP mentioned the lady being the PTA head meaning she would be used to organising things and should know better...

theDudesmummy · 28/02/2011 15:38

Have not read whole thread, but have to say that either a "prom" or a limo for children of this age is just complete nonsense.

SoupDragon · 28/02/2011 17:27

Are you actually sure this is true? Who told you that everyone bar your DD and a couple of others have been invited into the Limos and where did they hear it from. From what I can gather it's not been confirmed that this is actually what's happening yet. Is it likely to be a case of the other girl saying "I'm taking everyone in a limo and you're not invited"?

Sadly my friend's limos are all in London :)

Original poster
mmsmum · 28/02/2011 20:27

Hi all,

I can understand reluctance to believe this is what has happened but yeah it's true!

I didn't get a chance to call the school before picking up DD so will phone them tomorrow. I may or may not have the mums number in my phonebook but I am tempted to look after Eastenders to see if it's there although I'm not sure it's a convo I want to have when DD is in the house I think I need to do it!

DD is feeling much better after I've told her some of the ideas I got here today. DD will be going with her bf and the girl with SN has told DD she would like to go with them (I wish I didn't have to call her that! She is a lovely girl but I don't know how complicated her issues are e.g. she has never accepted any invitations we have extended to her. I've never seen her at anyone's party but don't know if that's because she hasn't been invited)

Thanks for all the support, I agree with the poster that said I should start again and leave out limos lol Wish me luck for the phone calls tomorrow!

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 28/02/2011 20:37

I've never heard of this either and I am in the poor part north of the city. It was an afternoon disco in the school for our P7s!

Mists · 28/02/2011 20:51

You do wonder if it's expected that boys make as much fuss / effort.

I live very close to the school and last year saw a few of them looking very sweet and smart walking past my house Smile but I can't imagine them giving it as much thought as the girls do or for so long in advance.

Mists · 28/02/2011 20:53

Sorry OP for ranting about Yr 6 proms in general on your thread.

I hope it all works for you and your DD!

Please keep us updated Smile

SauvignonBlanche · 28/02/2011 20:53

It sounds horrific and unfair on your DD.
I was furious when the new head at DD's school said that as a treat there would be a 'prom' for Yr6, it sounds awful and bound to lead to the sort of situations described by the OP.

FluffyMuff · 28/02/2011 20:55

As an aside....

as parents are we not allowed to say 'No' anymore?

Limos and city hotels aged 11???

My DD is 7 and I dread this coming up because I know that if the entire class does it I won't be able to say "you're the only one who can't go" but surely if parents collectively said "No, sorry that's unreasonable" this issue wouldn't come up.

It's all about getting one over and showing how much money you have you love your precious children.

I really do despair.

OP - YANBU, your daughter is being unfairly left out and I think the parent/s and school need a meeting to sort this out.

ilovemykitchenaid · 28/02/2011 21:47

Big fat gypsy primary prom Shock

ILoveFrogs · 28/02/2011 22:13

It very popular here in Paisley, my nieces and my cousins all had them for their p7 proms. Girls usually in the limos and boys usually in those horrible big stretch Hummers. Very tacky I know but the kids seem to enjoy them, I cringe watching the parents try to outdo each other but it is a fun night for the kids and that's all that matters really. Thankfully I have a good few years before I have to worry about all of this.

exoticfruits · 28/02/2011 22:18

' but it is a fun night for the kids and that's all that matters really.'

This is where it is all wrong-it isn't 'all that matters' and parents ought to put their foot down and put a stop to it. I have never heard of it and luckily I can't see it taking off in our area-(fingers crossed).

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