...to be considering ending a relationship over a toy kitchen?

[lifeissweet]

I have a 5yr old DS, Boyfriend has a soon to be 2yr old DS. We were talking today about present ideas for his DS's second birthday. I told him that, at around that age, I had bought my DS a toy kitchen, which he loved. He liked opening and closing the doors and playing with the little pots and pans.

BF screwed up his face and said 'that's a bit gay isn't it?' I was a little shocked and just said 'WHAT?' so he said 'well it's more of a girl present. Men just aren't happy with buying things for their sons like that. I mean it's just wrong isn't it? I mean, I hated it when his mother bought him a little dust pan and brush, He loves it, but I won't let him play with it.'

I had to leave the room for a minute to calm down.

I am, admittedly a bit of a feminist and think that this diplays ignorance and a completely worryingly misogynistic (not to mention homophobic) attitude which I find disturbing. As it is such a massive attack on my core values we had a bit of a row. I told him I found his opinions repugnant and sent him home saying I needed to think about our relationship.

Am I right to be so worried about this or am I, as he says, completely over reacting?

I have been on MN for several years and this is my first ever AIBU. Please be gentle...

thats my point to OP that only she knows this person really.
my DH does actually have a very child like sense of humour which is why he would come out with something like that :) I must point out that he is a very loving and kind person & not in ANYWAY homophobic!

It's not necassarily a deeply homophobic comment at all, some people just have diffent sense of humours to others thats all!

Unless it's not meant to be taken seriously (i.e he doesn't mind really), it IS a deeply homophobic comment.

StewieGriffinsMom, I totally agree!

I don't like this quote either:

"I mean, I hated it when his mother bought him a little dust pan and brush, He loves it, but I won't let him play with it."

so, basically, he's punishing his child for liking a toy? banning him from playing with a favourite toy has got to create scars, surely?

Me too, I'm afraid! That's why it's such an issue. I can't really shrug it off as 'just his sense of humour', although that's what he says it is, because I find that sense of humour in itself offensive. It isn't funny and does definitely display some leanings towards that kind of thinking.

So, I have realised that, not only do I find his attitudes to child rearing dubious, but we also have completely different senses of humour (he does frequently use the 'lighten up! I was only joking' line). Think I'll have to end it.

*"I hope she's not going to grow up to be a lesbian"

How is that not deeply homophobic?

It attaches negative connotations to the sexuality of a group of people. Makes it a 'preference' on the parent's behalf, as if one sexual preference is worse than another. Over a scooter with a male cartoon character on it, of all things!*

Because my husband is NOT a homophobic person, nor does he laugh at peoples sexuality (thesecond coming) he deeply loves, cares & supports his own sister who is in fact a lesbian.
People CAN actually joke about things like this because they don't take themselves too seriously.
In fact you could go as far as to say that because he's so comfortable with the issue he CAN joke about it!
People should not be so judgemental without actually knowing the person in question!

And just to add it wasn't the scooter that made him comment it was the fact that the majority of viewers of "Fireman Sam" would be assumed to be boys not girls! Nothing to do with actually having a scooter!

.

I bet there are lots of people who do though and you haven't me in any way shape or form :)

oh my god talk about everyone jumping on the bandwagon of someone they don't even know.

This is hilarious, my DH has a very loving relationship with his sister who too shares his sense of humour - horses for courses i think here!

that was in reply to englebert not you, and you sound lovely by the way!

There was a comment made on the first page that said you should just tell him that people already think his son IS gay & freak him out! hahaha LMAO too funny!

Did you go shopping?

Personally, I think you two are too fundamentally different in your outlook for this to work. If you are thinking a lot now and only seeing him a few times a week - living with him is going to be a trial. Someone who is constantly blaming you for being too serious and saying I didn't mean it like that is just going to be hard bloody work. You haven't known him long, do you really want this in your life?