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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this guy to his manager?

278 replies

AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 17:48

Dh took one of our dc with him to Tesco earlier. They did a bit of shopping and then he took her to the cafe for a drink and a scone.
Whilst they were eating dh overheard another customer ask a cafe worker if he would keep an eye on her things,while she took her child to the loo.
The worker said yes.
The same worker then approached my dh and dd's table and said to dh..."check out the hot young mum when she comes out the toilet!!"Shock

Dh gave him one of these Hmm and turned away.
He told me when he got home,I was shocked and angry,not least because some perv had spoken like this infront of dd.

I rang Tesco and complained to the manager,who told me he was appalled.

my mum however,thought I was ott.
So,was I bu?

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/02/2011 17:50

Not unreasonable to think this person was very unprofessional and to say so. But why did your husband not go to customer services and complain at the time? or phone himself?

Altaira · 27/02/2011 17:50

Yep, OTT, you weren't even there. Should have left it to DH to complain if he had wanted to.

Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 17:53

He didn't want to go on about it infront of dd.
altaira He was busy when he came in,but so what if I wasn't there?She's my dd too!

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 27/02/2011 17:53

The worker wasn't being that appropriate but I think phoning to complain is very OTT. I hope he doesn't become another unemployment statistic.

How old is your DD?

I'd be offended if they added some swear words. But if she was hot - then she's hot.

Did your DP think she was hot?

PorcelinaOfTheVastOceans · 27/02/2011 17:54

it was very unprofessional, the only thing i can think of is that he must have been pretty new to the job!

how old is your DD?

i think it probably would have been better if your husband had made the complaint and not you, but it did need reporting.

niftyfifty · 27/02/2011 17:56

Sorry, YABU. It was unprofessional, yes, but your DH could have told him so there and then - he would have got the message. I agree is is OTT to ring up and report him to his Manager and maybe drag him into a disciplinary situation.

Itsjustafleshwound · 27/02/2011 17:57

Inappropriate behaviour - yes, pervy - no!

I think your reaction is pretty OTT.

southeastastra · 27/02/2011 17:57

blimey lighten up

Itsjustafleshwound · 27/02/2011 17:58

Love your posting name when you have taken offence at a mum being called hot! Smile

bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 17:59

YABU to be offended on behalf of someone else. You were second-hand offended. I would have Hmm and tutted and done cat's bum mouth but I wouldn't have complained.

Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 18:03

pancakeflipper....i asked if she was hot,dh said not really and she was eating chips and gravy,which isn't sexy!
dd is 4.

i think apart from being inapropriate,it was WEIRD?
who the hell doesn't know not to go up to someone with/without kids and say that?
think it,fine..say it to a friend/colleauge that you know would appreciate it..fine.but a man you dont know and a small child? WEIRD
he shouldn't be allowed to work with the public if he doesn't understand boundaries.

OP posts:
Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 18:04

disclaimer...i have nothing against people eating gravy and chips and could possibly find it hot Wink

OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 18:06

"pancakeflipper....i asked if she was hot,dh said not really and she was eating chips and gravy,which isn't sexy!"

Methinks the lady doth protest too much. If your DH knew what she was eating then he checked her out.

LOL at shouldn't be allowed to work in public. He made a slightly unsavoury comment. And I say slightly. He wasn't going "FWOAAAAAAR look at the norks on THAT" or frotting up against her skirt. Hmm

Tee2072 · 27/02/2011 18:12

The guy was definitely inappropriate, but what are you? Your husband's mother?

Fine, he didn't want to complain in person with your child there, although I'm a bit Hmm at that. But why couldn't he ring up?

Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 18:13

Grin bupcakes, i have just questioned him on this to which he said,she was sitting 3foot away working her way through a "mountain" of chips and it was hard not to notice.he also said if he thought she was hot he would say.
also,i worry if he thinks thats ok,what else does he think is normal?i think he's a freak
(excuse typos and spelling,am holding a sleeping baby)

OP posts:
supadupapupascupa · 27/02/2011 18:14

it sounds to me like the worker was just trying to make friends (all be it in a weird way). Another bloke might have gone 'yeah mate see what ya mean' and then got a conversation going.
It's what some men do. Your dh might have been the first lone bloke he had seen all day.

Would it bug me if it happened to my DH, nope, no way. Was just words, the lady in question was none the wiser and if you think that similar thoughts don't enter most blokes heads I think you're a bit naive.
If the lady knew what had been said then that would have been completely inappropriate.

It is difficult to get a conversation going with a stranger, but i honestly think (even though it seems an odd way to do it) that's all he was trying to do.

Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 18:15

thank christ im not my mil tee..I took offence on behalf of my dd not my dh..if she hadn't been there i wouldn't have complained

OP posts:
wantstowelspickedup · 27/02/2011 18:15

omg - get a life! Blokes will be blokes and will talk like this no matter what. For you to ring the manager is beyond OTT and I think you need to think that you may have cost someone their job when a quiet word would have been the most appropriate course of action.

personally I wish someone would say that about me!

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 27/02/2011 18:15

a perv??? because he found a woman (I presume and adult also) hot?

yes - not very professional to be commenting to your DH - but I think you were OTT

wantstowelspickedup · 27/02/2011 18:16

your DD is going to have a life time (hopefully!) of hearing blokes talk like that unless you are going to lock her up in a nunnery; best she gets used to it

SalandersBro · 27/02/2011 18:17

not everyone is comfotable complaining. The worker is a bit of a wanker. If he was young that needs taking inot account. If he was 'mature' there is less leeway. Either way I'd probably complain.

Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 18:17

supaduper...he wasn't alone...that's the point!

OP posts:
Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 18:21

i don't buy into the,boys will be boys thing!that may have been an excuse in the 80's,but not now?!
no,he wasn't young.
and my dd has to get used to a lifetime of hearing this so better get used to it????wtf?
1.she is FOUR
2.WTF?????

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 27/02/2011 18:26

I do not buy into 'boys will be boys' but I do think your husband should have made the complaint. He was there. You were not.

Actually, he should have complained on the spot. I really don't get what your daughter being there has to do with him not complaining then.

bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 18:27

"also,i worry if he thinks thats ok,what else does he think is normal?i think he's a freak"

Ahhh, come on now. How old was he? I'm imagining he might have been on the young side, probably a bit gauche, that type of thing. Doesn't mean he's going to go on to be the next Peter Sutcliffe.

He made an off-colour remark. Most of us do it, at some point in our lives, about something or another