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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this guy to his manager?

278 replies

AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 17:48

Dh took one of our dc with him to Tesco earlier. They did a bit of shopping and then he took her to the cafe for a drink and a scone.
Whilst they were eating dh overheard another customer ask a cafe worker if he would keep an eye on her things,while she took her child to the loo.
The worker said yes.
The same worker then approached my dh and dd's table and said to dh..."check out the hot young mum when she comes out the toilet!!"Shock

Dh gave him one of these Hmm and turned away.
He told me when he got home,I was shocked and angry,not least because some perv had spoken like this infront of dd.

I rang Tesco and complained to the manager,who told me he was appalled.

my mum however,thought I was ott.
So,was I bu?

OP posts:
ZuzuBailey · 27/02/2011 18:54

Absolutely what Hecate said.

JoBettany · 27/02/2011 18:54

It's about behaving in an appropriate manner in the work place.

I can't think of anything less appropriate than approaching a man with a young child to make a remark about a women he found 'hot'?!

If he can't control himself in front of a child then someone needs to be sitting him down and having a long chat with him.

He's working in a supermarket not auditioning for a Carry On film.

This is the 21st century right?

BluddyMoFo · 27/02/2011 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 18:56

folly he is uncomfortable complaining...i am not..oh and,staff?laughing?bovvered?!!

OP posts:
SalandersBro · 27/02/2011 18:57

and I would still say that this won't be an isolated incident and hsi female work-mates will probably support that.

squeakytoy · 27/02/2011 18:58

Beaver, did your 4yr old really pick up on "look at the hot mum"?...

Or was she like any other child that age, completely unaware and busy drinking her drink, or eating her lunch?

I can think of a hell of a lot things to get all het up about.. and this isnt one of them.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/02/2011 18:59

Well, I think everyone in their work environment should behave appropriately, professionally and respectfully. And the guy was not demonstrating understanding about appropriate topics of conversation when a child is present. Nor was he respectful of the woman. Nor did he understand about appropriate conversation with a customer.

And it really doesn't matter that he's only a cafe worker. It really doesn't. Appropriate behaviour in the workplace is not just for people in high paying jobs.

LDNmummy · 27/02/2011 18:59

To all those people saying it is no big deal, it is the objectification of a woman. It is not appropriate and I personally would be very angry. Someone commenting on my appearance like that is offensive, whether it be positive or not. It is very good that your husband was not one of those guys who would have joined in, my DP wouldn't either and I love him for that because it shows some respect. Honestly, this is why mysogynistic attitudes do not change, because many women have become complacent with it and just brush it off as nothing. If he had thought it then fair enough, but to go up to another random guy and comment on it shows a level of sexism that should not be tolerated.

bettybosseye · 27/02/2011 18:59

And before some of you get painfully twisted knickers, having worked in a supermarket cafe i am in no way suggesting that people who work in supermarkets are lesser people ...yaddi yaddi yaddi...Yawn.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/02/2011 19:00

ignore extra demonstrating.

BluddyMoFo · 27/02/2011 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 27/02/2011 19:02

Right.. supposing the Op gets ready for a night out, and comes downstairs to meet the husband. In front of the daughter, the husband says to the Op. "wow you look hot"...

Would the op start clutching her pearls and waving a lace hanky around in distress at her poor daughter over hearing such smut???? Grin

bettybosseye · 27/02/2011 19:03

LDNmummy lighten up.

bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 19:06

Sexism?

I stil don't understand what is sexist about finding a person of the opposite sex attractive. I am sure a feminist will be along soon to explain why.

bettybosseye · 27/02/2011 19:07

oh and to help you along with the whole lightening up thing, everyone you've ever had a relationship with has objectified you at some point and you them. That's what lust is. No one has said this guys comments were appropriate but nor were they offensive enough justify the OP calling his manager.

usualsuspect · 27/02/2011 19:07

This thread is making me laugh ..op ,yes yabu and ott

and the staff will laugh about it ,if the bloke in question gets a bollocking for it ..

bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 19:09

I don't think he WILL get a bollocking for it, tbh...

SalandersBro · 27/02/2011 19:10

if I was a customer services manager, inviting a customer to drool over anohter customer is def. bollockingworthy.

dizzyblonde · 27/02/2011 19:11

Our local supermarket employs quite a few people who have SN and sometimes they make what other people might construe as inappropriate comments in an attempt to be friendly. I normally just smile politely or correct them quietly. As a Mother of a SN teenager who sometimes makes inappropriate comments without intending any harm I would hate to think of someone trying to get him sacked in a few years time. All it takes to put him on the right track is a quiet ' that's not a very nice thing to say is it?'Why on earth did your DH not say that if he was so offended? Not really relevant but how on earth would a four year old know what 'hot' means in that context?

bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 19:12

It IS bollockingworthy but whether it will be acted upon is another matter.

Hatesponge · 27/02/2011 19:12

I think some people really need to remove the sticks from their arses.

I don't think this is hugely offensive or inappropriate. Would everyone be decrying this so vociferously if it had been the OP in the cafe, and a female member of staff had said oh, did you see that fit/hot/gorgeous bloke over there? etc.

He said she was hot. Is it really that big a deal? Frankly I can think of a lot worse things that he could have said.

I also suspect if the OPs DH had been that upset, he would have complained at the time - or even said to the bloke sorry I dont think that comment's appropriate. I suspect he only said he was offended when he saw how annoyed the OP was!

squeakytoy · 27/02/2011 19:13

DH obviously checked the woman out if he noticed what she was eating when she came back...

bettybosseye · 27/02/2011 19:13

And op maybe you should get your beaver looked at, there are creams for that sort of thing. Grin

Hatesponge · 27/02/2011 19:21

Grin betty

Wook · 27/02/2011 19:23

Talk of doctors, lawyers, teachers etc... are people seriously suggesting that male professionals don't make these kind of comments to one another? Tune in to the conversation in the (all male) school Science dept any lunchtime....
And as if women don't at least raise eyebrows at each other in the company of an attractive man!!
Inappropriate, yes, a bit sleazy, possibly, but this comment worth a complaint and disciplinary, possible loss of job? Surely not.
So, OP, would you think it OK for this guy to have lost his incoem over this?

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