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AIBU?

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Original poster

To report this guy to his manager?

278 replies

AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 17:48

Dh took one of our dc with him to Tesco earlier. They did a bit of shopping and then he took her to the cafe for a drink and a scone.
Whilst they were eating dh overheard another customer ask a cafe worker if he would keep an eye on her things,while she took her child to the loo.
The worker said yes.
The same worker then approached my dh and dd's table and said to dh..."check out the hot young mum when she comes out the toilet!!"Shock

Dh gave him one of these Hmm and turned away.
He told me when he got home,I was shocked and angry,not least because some perv had spoken like this infront of dd.

I rang Tesco and complained to the manager,who told me he was appalled.

my mum however,thought I was ott.
So,was I bu?

OP posts:
LDNmummy · 27/02/2011 19:57

"All i'm saying is your whole feminist rant is OTT in this case"

betty I am not nor have I ever been a feminist as I do not like new feminist ideology nor do I support it. Why is it considered feminist for me to feel that this behaviour is generally incorrect exactly?

Yes men and women lust, it is healthy to do so and part of being human and I do it to, or I wouldn't be pregnant Grin. But it is the way these situations are handled that makes the difference.

rosie1979 · 27/02/2011 19:57

You have way too much time on your hands if you could be bothered to complain IMO!

Poor guy, on crap minimum wage, makes a stupid comment - now his manager is going to make his life really difficult....nice one OP :(

Bogeyface · 27/02/2011 19:58

I thank the heavens that I am not the sort of uptight sticky beak to take time out of my day to complain about an incident I wasnt involved in, didnt witness and has no effect on me whatsoever.

What an utterly pointless waste of time, effort and fresh air!

lololizzy · 27/02/2011 19:58

not appropriate as such...not in front of other customers hearing anyway, should've been more discreet. But he wasn't saying anything nasty...or pervy.
When i worked in a shop with other woman we would nudge if a hot bloke came in..same thing really

shakey1500 · 27/02/2011 20:01

I agree the comment was inappropriately made but you were unreasonable in ringing on behalf of your partner. That's just...cringeworthy. And I seriously hope he doesn't lose his job.

bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 20:03

OP, what did DH say about you calling on his behalf? Or is he too busy trying to find his set of goolies to be arsed about it?

Drizzela · 27/02/2011 20:04

He might be on crap minimum wage but maybe he's studying at university and will become the Chairman of Barclays.. or Prime Minister... and treat female staff in that way.

Having a low paid job doesnt give you the right to treat women in that way. (I don't agree with OP by the way, but I see fault in that particular arguement rosie)

bettybosseye · 27/02/2011 20:04

SorryLDNmummy calling your earlier posts feminist wasn't meant as an insult.
You did say however that if someone commented on your appearance like that you'd be offended. Come of it! your either a raving feminist or a liar! We all want to be hot.( even if in the eyes of a couple of sad blokes in the tesco cafe!) maybe not..

DarrellRivers · 27/02/2011 20:05

OP YANBU

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 27/02/2011 20:05

THe OP sounds like exactly the sort of whinyarsed shitbag who does untold damage to actually making the world a fairer place. This behaviour (ringing up to complain about something you didn't actually see but were just told about by someone else and which you can't prove even happened) is on a level with tosspot council workers banning Christmas cards and hot cross buns in case someone's offended.
It is to be hoped that the store manager said 'Oh dear madam, rest assured we will look into this' then put the phone down and said to his staff 'You wouldn't believe the fucking nutters there are out there...'

LDNmummy · 27/02/2011 20:05

Squeaky I know he didn't touch her, my example was to illustrate that when incidents such as this are overlooked, it contributes to the larger social problem that leads to women being manhandled and groped when they do not want it to happen. And if a woman had come up to me and said that, I would have found it bizarre behaviour and offensive to me as well as the person she was talking about.

bupcakes "Has the day come when we can't even state that we might find a person "hot" in fear of objectifying them?"

Not at all, but depends on the context, a social context where he had been talking to friends would make this comment completely different. It is the context that is important IMO.

rosie1979 · 27/02/2011 20:10

Drizella - I see your point but I dont think commenting that a women is "hot young mum" is very offensive or sexist, maybe silly and thoughtless but thats all!

bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 20:10

"Not at all, but depends on the context, a social context where he had been talking to friends would make this comment completely different. It is the context that is important IMO."

That IS what I said Wink

SalandersBro · 27/02/2011 20:10

SCGB - and breathe. using f-words and extreme analogies doesn't make your point any better than it is. Or isn't in my view. I think you win the whinyarsed shitbag medal for your whining about this.

tinkertitonk · 27/02/2011 20:14

"Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all" (Stanley Baldwin).

This is not one of them.

Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 20:15

vallhalla and 52girls who suggest the cafe staff will be laughing at me/dh...do you really think i care?!!
i did not ring up on behalf of my dh..he was not particularly arsed.I was annoyed because this man thought it ok to go up to a complete stranger sitting WITH A CHILD...and comment on the attractiveness of another customer. just.plain.weird.and he should be made aware of this by his manager,special needs or not.
in answer to someone who said dh was eying up the woman and thats why he was approached..why would he come home and tell me about it? also,he is not some sad 'blokey' type that wantingtowelspickedup seems to admire..

and no dd wouldn't have picked up on it..again beside the point

Again,i have no problem with people fancying each other,that is completely normal..it's the fact that he found it normal to comment on it to a stranger sitting with a little girl...imo,totally abnormal thing to do

hatessponge i have been in a similar situation at work.unpleasant

and betty actually,I have tried the cream,and the pessary,but still the beaver is still angry Wink

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 27/02/2011 20:20

But AB, the point still remains that the person who complained is the only person who wasnt involved! Your DH doesnt care and lets face it, he is probably a better judge of the situation than you, given that he was atually there. Your DD wasnt affected. The woman wasnt affected. You however have donned your "Outraged from Tunbridge Wells" hat and probably made a total arse of yourself in the process!

squeakytoy · 27/02/2011 20:21

i did not ring up on behalf of my dh..he was not particularly arsed.I was annoyed because this man thought it ok to go up to a complete stranger sitting WITH A CHILD

and no dd wouldn't have picked up on it..again beside the point

Oh dear...you need to calm yourself down a bit.. Hmm

LDNmummy · 27/02/2011 20:22

betty TBH with you I don't like unwanted attention. I am very confident in my appearance (not to be bigheaded) I think part of that stems from the fact that I have always had long term partners who found me very attractive. I know it really sounds like I am bragging but I am not. Plus my west African heritage treats womens bodies differently to the west and that has also informed my opinion on this and my confidence and feelings about unwanted attention. Of course I like to feel hot Grin but not like that, I find that very offensive. No worries about the feminist thing, I just actually really dislike new feminist theory so don't like people calling me a feminist (I find it man bashing, sorry to all the feminists out there).

And as people are thinking I am a prude or whatever, FYI, I spent a long time working for Ann Summers, I used my dicount constantly and you defo cannot be the kind of feminist you guys are thinking of to work there Grin

Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 20:24

springchickens and you sound like just the type of sour-faced prick that believes what she reads in the daily mail...if we're going down the name calling route. maybe the manager did say that,he sounded pretty shocked and used the phrase "wildly inappropriate* and i agreed.
and who do i have to bloody prove it to???
And how does it make the worls a fairer place to allow people to say weird sexual things infront of my child??
sort it out, love Hmm

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 27/02/2011 20:26

ffs Beaver... saying a woman is "hot" is not a weird sexual thing... Hmm

LDNmummy · 27/02/2011 20:27

I do find it bizarre that people don't think that a four year old girl might not have picked up on this, children are very perseptive.

bettybosseye · 27/02/2011 20:27

You know it does seem that we're all agreed the guy was out of order, the behaviour in question is that of you OP. You weren't there and there is a touch of the "Outraged from Tunbridge Wells" about it. Should have left it to hubby.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 27/02/2011 20:29

Angrybeaver: How the fuck can you prove something happened when you weren't there? It's that that makes you a self-righteous, officious, meddling, whinyarsed shitbag. You didn;t see the incident. Yet you saw fit to ring up the store and complain about something that may not have happened in the way you were told about it in the first place.
Did you tell the manager that you weren't actually there at the time?

usualsuspect · 27/02/2011 20:29

What the manager said and what he actually thought, are two different things

Have you led a sheltered life OP? Grin at weird sexual thing

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