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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report this guy to his manager?

278 replies

AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 17:48

Dh took one of our dc with him to Tesco earlier. They did a bit of shopping and then he took her to the cafe for a drink and a scone.
Whilst they were eating dh overheard another customer ask a cafe worker if he would keep an eye on her things,while she took her child to the loo.
The worker said yes.
The same worker then approached my dh and dd's table and said to dh..."check out the hot young mum when she comes out the toilet!!"Shock

Dh gave him one of these Hmm and turned away.
He told me when he got home,I was shocked and angry,not least because some perv had spoken like this infront of dd.

I rang Tesco and complained to the manager,who told me he was appalled.

my mum however,thought I was ott.
So,was I bu?

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 27/02/2011 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsjustafleshwound · 27/02/2011 18:29

You can't control every situation or change the worker's behaviour, but if your DH was fed up about it surely he could have had a word with your DD about how appropriate the worker had been.

Taking offence and reporting this man to his manager is not going to change the fact that it was

a) inappropriate behaviour
b) or the worker's idea of what is considered to be appropriate

Courage to change the things you can, serenity to accept the things you can't and the wisdom to know the difference ....

SalandersBro · 27/02/2011 18:30

if he was so brazen and boyzie and getting a customer to join in I am pretty sure his female collagues have had a bit of stick off him. Stuff liek this isn't usually isolated.

wantstowelspickedup · 27/02/2011 18:30

if you really think that she will not hear this type of talk in her lifetime then you are living on a another planet. You say DD is 4 - has she got a clue what was being said!!

Wook · 27/02/2011 18:31

Why does it make him a perv if he happened to notice that a woman was attractive?
Are you comfortable with the fact that you could have lost him his job?

bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 18:33

I reckon this is what really happened:

OP's DH sat innocently with DD. Worker approaches DH and says "check out the hot young mum" DH goes "Phwoaaaaaaaar! Wouldn't mind a bit of that" *clocks DD listening to every word> "Obviously I'm talking about the cream cakes on display in the chiller cabinet, "

HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/02/2011 18:38

It does not make him a perv to notice an attractive woman, but it is totally unacceptable for a member of staff to approach a customer - who has a small child with him, but tbh, even if he didn't! - and tell him to look out for the tasty bird! Very very unprofessional.

Imagine a doctor in A&E doing it. "Hey, mate, look at that woman over there, phwooor"

Or a solicitor, in court?

Maybe a teacher to a parent?

It is not professional. It is not acceptable.

wantstowelspickedup · 27/02/2011 18:40

HecateQueenofWitches - he works in a bloody supermarket, he is not a doctor, solicitor, teacher or the king of england; get a grip!

SalandersBro · 27/02/2011 18:42

i think Hecate has a grip alraedy. He is in 'customer care' not letsooglethecustomers.com..

Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 18:43

wanttowels that's a seriously outdated attitude you're sporting there Hmmand the fact that she will hear stuff like that in her lifestime is true.Not the point though,is it?The point is,should she have to hear it from some cretinous arsehole whilst sitting having a treat with her daddy?no!

wook the fact that he foun someone sexy doesn't make him a perv.the fact that he actually sought out a stranger to tell,does,imo.

bupcakes you should branch out into erotic literature..clit-lit?Grin

OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 18:45

Aaaaah, come on. We've all acknowledged that he made a twatty comment and it waas unprofessional yadda yadda but he isn't in the same position of trust as a GP/teacher/solicitor.

However, when the next big serial killer hits the news and it emerges that he was a table-wiper in a Tesco's cafe who used to enjoy making crass remarks about the female clintele, I will eat my words. How exciting! OP, your DH could be one of the people that comment on him "He served me my chai latte. I knew by the way he handed me my change that he had the potential to kill..."

SalandersBro · 27/02/2011 18:45

am a bit surprised to see such a high threshold for this sort of stuff on a mainly-women's website.

Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 18:47

thank you hecate..for a few minutes i was questioning my sanity!

bunting..no,he wasn't young he was late 20's..though i dont think i know a teen that would think this was ok,anyway!

OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 18:47

"the fact that he foun someone sexy doesn't make him a perv.the fact that he actually sought out a stranger to tell,does,imo"

I reckon he might not have sought someone out to tell them so. I reckon he felt like he should speak to your DH, if the worker was in the vicinity doing jobs, and had an attack of the verbal squits.

Lynch him though. That'll learn him.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/02/2011 18:47

It really does not matter where someone works.

Are you saying that someone who works in a supermarket is a lesser person or less should be expected from them?

What a strange attitude.

I expect the same professionalism and understanding of appropriate behaviour from my binmen as I do from my bank manager.

bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 18:49

There's no high threshold and no-one is defending what he said. I think that the general consensus, thus far, is that he made a gauche comment that was a bit Hmm and most posters think that him getting a disciplinary, possibly dismissed over it, is a bit much.

In the spirit of MN, he might have had learning difficulties.

wantstowelspickedup · 27/02/2011 18:50

HQoW - I never suggested for one minute that someone working in s supermarket is a lesser person; but the situation is of a lesser formal situation than the others you quoted

But lets get back to the real world because I don't think some of you are iving in it

follyfoot · 27/02/2011 18:51

He was a bit of a prat saying something he shouldnt have done. If your husband was bothered about what he had said, presumably he could have gone and had a quiet word with customer services, or phoned up himself when he got home.

But I have to say my husband would be mortified (and probably pretty peed off) if I rang up to complain about something that had happened to him. And the staff at the supermarket will probably laugh about it too...

bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 18:52

No, I'm not saying they're lesser people. Don't twist my words. I'm just saying that a doctor/teacher making the same remark would be abuse of trust. A supermarket worker saying it is just a breach of taste.

He shouldn't have said it, we are agreed. I just think that on the scale of one to ten of offensive behaviour, this ranks at about one.

Original poster
AngryBeaver · 27/02/2011 18:52

salandars..i know!ahhh,dd best get used to random men coming up to her talking about women as second class citizens..one day,she might be lucky enough to catch herself a husband,if she's reaaaaly lucky,he MIGHT let her work..hot-dam!!
have we slipped back into the last century or what???

OP posts:
SalandersBro · 27/02/2011 18:52

allowing for a learning need isn't mumsnet. It's called being civilised. no suggestion of this here.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/02/2011 18:53

I wasn't talking to you. I was answering wantstowels.

bupcakesandcunting · 27/02/2011 18:53

I agree with Follyfoot, OP's DH is probably the laughing stock of a particular branch of Tesco's right about now Grin

bettybosseye · 27/02/2011 18:53

I don't get it, the only person that should be offended, if someone really has to be, is the hot mum.
Sorry OP but you weren't even there and the guy works in a tesco cafe, how "professional" is he supposed to be? He's obviously not the brightest spark in the Tesco staff room but was any harm really done?
I think you might be a bit worried that hubby's been day dream cheating. Grin

LaurieFairyCake · 27/02/2011 18:54

I don't think the word 'professional' applies here. He's a cafe worker, not a lawyer. We expect lawyers to act professionally and everyone else to act normally.

And normally here means pointing out to a guy on his own (maybe he thought he was a single dad) that there was an attractive woman on her own (who may have been a single mum)

Utterly harmless friendliness, he didn't call her a milf or anything loathsome. He was just making chit chat.

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