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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think SHE should pay for smashing up MY car

407 replies

thequeensspeech · 25/02/2011 10:46

Mother in law is staying with us for 2 weeks, normally lives in Spain. Yesterday she asked if she could borrow mine and DH's car. She only has third party insurance. Was not happy about her driving the car. She reassured me that she has 40 years driving experience, no accidents ever, was only going to nip to the shops. Reluctantly I handed over the keys. Of course, sods law she has a crash. Garage now estimating £2000 to repair.

She has checked with her insurance company and obviously they are not going to pay out. She has made it quite clear that she will not be paying for my car to be fixed and ultimately DH and I have to somehow, scrape the money together. Not great when I'm being made redundant in June.

Yes I know it was my fault for giving her the keys to the car but surely to god she should at least volunteer to pay half the costs.

Disclaimer: she and her DH are well off, have house in Spain and 3 houses in the UK 2 of which they rent out and the other they live in for 3 months of the year.

OP posts:
nancydrewfoundaclue · 25/02/2011 11:40

Presumably if it "wasn't her fault" there was another car involved?

If I was you I would be finding out pretty quickly whether or not there is another party involved, what details were exchanged (presumably she gave yours if she wants you to pretend you were driving Shock )and what is happening with regard to that.

I don't want to worry you but as someone who lives most of the time out of the UK there are a couple of things that ring alarm bells for me:

  1. The DVLA do not permit even British citizens to hold UK driving licenses if their main residence is outside the UK. It must be surrendered and it is a criminal offence not to do so.
  1. Getting inusred in the UK, even if you do have a UK license but have resided outside the UK in the last 4 years is extremely difficult.

It is entirely possible that her 3rd party insurance is invalid because of one of the above reasons.

Oh and get her out of your house whilst this is ongoing - she is taking the piss.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 25/02/2011 11:40

Are you fully comp (and therefore anyone with a valid licence can drive your car), OP? You need to tread REALLY carefully because if you're not, and you've allowed her to drive you car, then you're at fault legally too.

And what exactly did she do/was done to her? Didn't she take the other motorist's details?

I think you need to get her husband involved tbh.

wannaBe · 25/02/2011 11:40

why didn't you insure her to drive your car? It's possible to add an additional driver to most policies for a short period of time.

You knowingly let someone drive your car who was not insured to do so.

I do see your upset but tbh you knew that she wasn't insured and still let her drive the car. More to the point - as her insurance is spanish it's highly possible she didn't even have 3rd party insurance. What if she'd killed someone?

I think the onus is on the owner of the car to ensure that drivers of said car are adequately insured, sorry.

LessNarkyPuffin · 25/02/2011 11:41

It's family so I wouldn't go to the police. I wouldn't lie to the insurance people either.

You should never have given her the keys but you know that and are suffering for it. She should pay up in full but isn't going to.

I'd sit her down with your DH and very calmly explain that you can't afford to repair the car she damaged that is essential for your DH to get to work. Ask her to her face if she is going to pay for the damage she caused. No shouting just calmly and quietly. If she says no or sheds tears and won't listen then very calmly ask her to leave.

megglevache · 25/02/2011 11:42

I find this very easy to believe I'm afraid. Sad

QS, I hope you have kicked her out of your house, what a liberty!

What does your dh say about this? Is he defending your MIl?

nannyl · 25/02/2011 11:43

Im fully comp and i know for certain that its not the case that anyone with a full license can drive my car.

The only people who are insured to drive my car are me and OH (named driver)

I can however (with permission) drive anyone elses car and be covered 3rd party, and any person with a similar policy could drive MY car, 3rd party, while being covered by THEIR insurance

ZZZenAgain · 25/02/2011 11:43

are you sure they have the money?

Maybe your MIL is one of those women who leave things like finances up to their partner, so she maybe really doesn't know much about insurance and so on. If that is the case, could dh call his father or her current dh if it is not his dad and inform him about the financial situation you are etc and maybe that is the way to sort things out?

I don't really see how you can get her to pay if she simply will not. If the situation escalates, presumably she will go off in a huff and most defintiely not pay up. Very difficult for you and dh. I think speak to her dh if possible and keep your distance as much as possible till she goes to avid hitting the roof. Hope it can be resolved.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 25/02/2011 11:43

Sorry re fully comp and anyone being allowed to drive the car - that's the case with my policy, I don't know about others.

I reckon she reversed into something and she's trying to wriggle out of it by claiming another car was involved.

nancydrewfoundaclue · 25/02/2011 11:43

xpost with mateysmum there.

BooyFuckingHoo · 25/02/2011 11:43

YADNBU

when you drive someone else's car and know you only have third party cover, you are accepting that any damage you cause to the car will be your responsibility.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 25/02/2011 11:43

Pack her bags and make it clear to your DH that you fully expect him to back you on this.

penguin73 · 25/02/2011 11:44

What actually happened? With damage that extensive it sounds as though someone else will be pursuing a claim against her (unless she hit a tank!!)

3rd party means you are covered to pay for repairs/compensation to another someone else's property/vehicle/person if you have an accident that is your fault, but you are not covered for any damage to your own vehicle. Fully comprehensive means that the insurance company pays for damage to all vehicles/property involved regardless of blame. Most UK fully comp policies include a clause that the driver is also covered to drive any other vehicle but only 3rd party.

Original poster
thequeensspeech · 25/02/2011 11:44

Do you realistically think the police would pursue her if they knew what happened?

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 25/02/2011 11:45

do you know whether another car was involved or what she says happened exactly? I am not sure if the car was parked and she came back to find it damaged or whether she had some kind of colision and damaged another car in the process: not sure if I just missed it on the thread

nancydrewfoundaclue · 25/02/2011 11:45

wannabe it is virtually impossible to insure a holder of a foreign license on a UK policy as a temporary measure. I speak from bitter experience Grin

BristolJim · 25/02/2011 11:45

Third party insurance means the insurance will cover any damage the driver of the car causes to anyone or anything else but any damage they cause to the car they are driving, is not insured.

You made reasonable enquiries of your MIL who confirmed she was legally insured. You are not obligated to insist on checking the documentation.

If she has misrepresented her insurance status to you, it is her fault and she must deal with the legal consequences - not you. You would not have leant her your car if you suspected she was not insured and you had no reasons for doing so.

TBH, she sounds like a witch.

Othersideofthechannel · 25/02/2011 11:45

Sorry to hijack but Matey's mum, what makes you think her driving license may be invalid because she is no longer tax resident in the UK?
(I am in this position and due to drive in the UK this evening....)

QueeensSpeech. Third party means you are covered for damage you cause to others or other people's possessions.

It may be that she is covered third party on other cars in which case she is covered for damage caused by other cars she is driving to fences, pedestrians other cars.

It may be that her Spanish insurance only covers her when she is driving the car she insures with them. With my French insurance policy, I am only covered when driving my car.

She really needs to check out the details of her cover.

stubbornhubby · 25/02/2011 11:46

if she was hit from behind it is likely the other drivers fault... but if she was driving without insurance (as seems likely) she probably didn't hang around to exchange details with him..

privategodfrey · 25/02/2011 11:49

What a cheeky bitch Shock

If she doesn't even have the excuse of poverty then I would beat the £2,000 out of her and then put her battered remains on a plane home.

nancydrewfoundaclue · 25/02/2011 11:49

otherside see my post above. You are only permitted a UK driving license if you are resident in the UK and by law you have to surrender it. It is a real pita (speaking from the pov of someone who lives overseas but spends a lot of the time in the UK) because it makes it virtually impossible to get insurance.

LessNarkyPuffin · 25/02/2011 11:50

BristolJim is right, this is third party:

Third party only insurance only covers you for damage or injury to a third party. You have no cover whatsoever for personal injury, or damage to your vehicle. Third party only insurance protects you against any claims made against you should you have an accident. This is the minimum level of cover required by law.

Most insurance companies will not let you drive someone else's car if you only have third party insurance.

If you have had an accident and you are proven to be at fault, your insurance company will pay the money that is owed by law to any injured parties, and even to those killed in an accident. If you have damaged property, this will also be covered. Any legal costs incurred will also be covered.

If a thief steals your car and causes an accident whilst driving it, a third party policy will protect you against any claims for injuries or damage that may arise from the accident, even though the thief was to blame. However, even in this situation, you will still not be covered for the loss of, or damage to, your own vehicle.

Legally third party is all that is required to drive a car legally and she told you she had it. You're in the clear. She may not have valid third party in the UK but she told you she did. If she lied and damaged anything else then you just have to pass on her details when people make enquiries.

Original poster
thequeensspeech · 25/02/2011 11:51

All this talk of her license being invalid because she lives primarily in Spain is really worrying me. I'm such a stupid cow for letting her take the car, she only went to bloody Morrissons ffs, what an expensive shopping trip that's turned out to be Sad

OP posts:
Othersideofthechannel · 25/02/2011 11:51

Thanks. I think I need to ring the DVLA because when I enquired 10 years ago they said there was no problem as long as I registered my UK license with the local equivalent.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 25/02/2011 11:54

OP Is it possible that she's reversed instead of going forward and backed into a wall?

FabbyChic · 25/02/2011 11:54

OMG the worry for you. She caused the damage she should be paying for all of it, I would tell her to fuck off out of my house if she does not agree to the costs.

How did the accident occur do you know?

I would never speak to her again or even have her in my house if she did not come up with the money.