to think SHE should pay for smashing up MY car

[thequeensspeech]

Mother in law is staying with us for 2 weeks, normally lives in Spain. Yesterday she asked if she could borrow mine and DH's car. She only has third party insurance. Was not happy about her driving the car. She reassured me that she has 40 years driving experience, no accidents ever, was only going to nip to the shops. Reluctantly I handed over the keys. Of course, sods law she has a crash. Garage now estimating £2000 to repair.

She has checked with her insurance company and obviously they are not going to pay out. She has made it quite clear that she will not be paying for my car to be fixed and ultimately DH and I have to somehow, scrape the money together. Not great when I'm being made redundant in June.

Yes I know it was my fault for giving her the keys to the car but surely to god she should at least volunteer to pay half the costs.

Disclaimer: she and her DH are well off, have house in Spain and 3 houses in the UK 2 of which they rent out and the other they live in for 3 months of the year.

Do you think that perhaps she gave the other driver your name and that's why she wants you to pretend it was you? sounds like she wasn't really insured to drive your car anyway.

I would fucking kill the bitch.

Simple facts;

you let her borrow your car on the understanding that she was covered against third party risks.

she had a duty of car towards you and was negligent in crashing the car.

she owes you the money to have it repaired UNLESS she can prove to you that she was not negligent and somebody was - eg another motorist.

I think you need to put these facts in writing to her,tell her that she will be responsible for all costs until the car is fixed ( car hire, train fares etc). Ask her, in writing to confirm the details of her insurers and that they will cover third party claims and that she has reported this to them.

I would also advise that if she has damaged any other property or cars that she must report this to the police.

Her refusing blatently to deal with this means that she is creating a situation where you will have no choice but to take legal action against her. Do you have a legal helpline (maybe on your household policy that can give you some legal advice?)

oh FFS

Seriously whats with all of the angst here OP? Get some balls and have it out with her. Shes been a cheeky cheeky fucker with faaaaamily and you're posting little blue sad faces about it?!

Get your DH's balls out of your handbag and give them back to him, he needs to get involved here aswell.

MadameDeathstare

My experience is that renting a car with a foreign license is not a problem (I suspect that is because that is principally the business they are in)

but over the years I have resided abroad I have never been able to be insured on either of my sibblings or parents car insurance due to the fact that "I am not resident in the UK".

Worryingly when I first came back I was "insured" with a company who had not asked me about where I had been living and it was only when I went to insure my DH who does still live overseas that I was told that they didn't insure people who hadn't been resident for at least 4 years

I then had enormous trouble getting insurance (and had to use a specialist broker) on the basis that either I hadn't had a valid UK license for a long period or I hadn't resided in the UK for the past 4 years.

The broker explained that rationale for this was that people pick up bad habits when they live overseas because of different driving habits which makes them higher risk...

Of course lots of people simply don't disclose either that their license is no longer valid or that they have been non residents. But tehn that kind of defeats the object of having insurance.

Anyway as far as the OP is concerned all this talk of insurance is irrellevant - her MIL's insurance company have said not their problem so OP needs to have it out with her outrageously rude MIL. Now.

Why are people being rude to OP? What us wrong with her having started this thread?

firstly be gratefull the police weren't called. Your car was being driven whilst uninsured and so you would have both been charged and your vehicle seized.

secondly i would have nothing more to do with her if she was point blankly refusing to pay for damage she has done.

bonkers woman

claire I don't think people are being rude are they?

I think the majority of people are stunned that she hasn't killed her MIL given the outrageous liberty her MIL has taken and are therefore encouraging her to to stop pussy footing around and tell her MIL what for

OP if I have been at all rude I apologise certainly not my intention, I am just stunned that you even have to question if YABU.

I asked the question, because I do feel responsible in that I gave MIL the keys to my car. Yes I thought her insurance would cover any damage and yes I allowed her to persuade me that she was a fantastic driver with 30 years of experience and no crashes. I hoped of course that she wouldn't have an accident - she was only popping down the shops.

So I guess because I hold myself responsible for giving her the keys in the first place, there is some element of doubt in my mind as to whether she should pay. Maybe I should pay, to learn my lesson as it were. Of course it's irrelevant as I can't afford to pay for the repairs.

Sorry dont believe a word of this now after reading last post.

Was there not an implicit understanding that if she did crash she would personally pay any damages as she knew her insurance would not cover them??

I would NEVER lend my car to my Mother, she has 40 plus years driving experience, but is one of those very dangerous old people on the road..... you know the sort that can barely see over the steering wheel.....

thequeensspeech - yes, you have learned your lesson-- and its that your MIL is a irresponsible, entitled and rude woman!! Nothing to do with lending the keys to her!

Don't let her off the hook simply because you gave her the keys. She is also at fault here, and if you really want to be generous, (and I don't think you should be) you could have her pay half the repairs.

But as a grown person who should know by now to take responsibility for her actions, its obvious she should pay all.

And your DH and you need to get tough and let her know that she is not going to get off the hook that easily, and having you commit fraud?! The nerve.

othersideofthechannel I too have been concerned about driving on a UK license whilst living in Belgium. I thought I had pinned it down to:

• UK licenses are valid in the EU. (All EU driving licenses are valid throughout the EU).

• If you move back, then you have to update your driving license to your current address in the UK, because it's not valid in the UK without the correct address.

At least, I hope that's the case! I hadn't thought about having to get new insurance if we do move back - that's bad news!

thequeensspeech I hope you get it sorted out as amicably as possible. I know I would have done the same thing - assumed that insurance / licenses were valid and let her use the car. She is family after all.

At least half the cost? If it was my car she would be paying the lot, cheeky mare, she crashed the thing.

Im mad on your behalf

Do not, under any circumstances, tell the insurance company that you were driving when you were not. These things are checkable - your mil may be visible on cctv for example, esp if this happened at the supermarket.

You need to get all the facts from her. If she has given your details to the other driver, then they will be contacting your insurance company themselves. You also have a legal obligation to report this to your insurance company asap.

I would get some legal advice straight away and go from there.

Your DH does need to grow a pair. In your position I wouldn't give a rats arse whether he would 'allow' me to throw her out. Unless she agreed to take full financial responsibility for this, she would be gone and I wouldn't give a fuck what my DH had to say on the subject.

Phone a solicitor now, rather than speculate on here as to what your liability is.

i would have a good search of her belongings and find her passport - hang on to it until she pays the whole of the money and if you can't find it contact a solicitor immediately - are you 100% sure she has a current right to drive in the UK

ring up her husband while she isn't there and talk directly to him.

ask him what his understanding of her insurance position is.

find out what she has told him about the crash, damage, payment etc and what her current intended plans are for the rest of the stay and her return to spain.

tell him that the only reason you lent your mil the car was because she said she was insured and therefore in the unlikely event of an accident any costs would be covered, there is no way you would have lent it to her otherwise as you can't afford to.

get his credit card details so that he will pay for the damage if she doesn't.

if he doesn't agree ask him what he would expect to do if you visited him and crashed his car without any decent insurance having lied about the insurance position; would he expect to fork out £2k in those circumstances.

make sure your dh is keeping a record too of all the extra costs he is incurring as a result of this - such as train fares - and remember to add them into the total if you are short of money and she isn't. she needs to realise what she is costing you.

good luck, sounds a nightmare situation to be in

could you beat the money out of her?

You need to report the accident to your insurance company. And there is no way she has car insurance if she is not a uk resident. Her driving licence is valid, yes, but that's largely irrelevant. If she wanted to drive in the uk she should have rented a car and bought the insurance built into the charges. Be very careful here that you are not held liable by your car insurance company for permitting uninsured driving. Read your policy.

of course she should pay.

i really don't understand why you didn't lock her on the house and get the full story out of her.

There is no evidence of another driver so far, have you even asked if she swapped names or details with another driver?

She is asking you to be her, and what the heck is the 'story'. Where did it happen? WTF is she on.

Is she normally this slack or unbothered about her actions?

Your dh needs to sort this with you.

It does sound like she has reversed into something, and hasn't owned up to this. I don't think there is a 3rd party.

It also depends on which is her main residence, her spanish home or her british home.

My parents have british licences. They have two homes but the british one is their proper home. Not sure how one makes the british home the 'permanent one', as they spend more time in spain tbh. Yet they have bills there in thier names, and such.

she should bloody well pay.

yes, it was probably unwise to give her the keys but hardly justification for having to foot the entire bill.

i think your dh has to have some very strong words with his mum and dad. this is extraordinary!!